Family Matters
broadwaygirl07
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Continuous Problems With my Step Dad--Advice?
Hello! I'm new to this forum, but I don't have anyone to talk to about problems that I'm having with my step dad and it's really been bothering me. My mom got divorced from my dad when I was 8, and remarried two years ago when I was 18. She was seeing my now step dad for about six years before they married, and he spent lots of time with us. He was nice to me then. I'm not sure what happened but as soon as they got married he completely changed. He wants to be the only one spending time with my mom and is trying to pull her away from me. Since he's the only guy who's ever been nice to my mom, she's falling for it. They don't include me in the things they do and I don't even feel welcome having a simple conversation with them. My step dad always gives me dirty looks when I try to talk with both of them, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. He acts like he's the only person who can spend time with her, which is not true. I've talked to my mom about this as nicely as possible, and she refuses to see things from my point of view and always sides with him, which is very frustrating. She won't let me communicate my concerns to him, because she views that as "rude" and "inappropriate". I want to solve this because I want to be comfortable in my own home and feel like I have a family. As far as conflict management goes, I'm getting nowhere. Recently, the problems I'm having with my step dad are getting much worse. He cyberbullied me on social media, saying extremely rude things about me and my dad's family. When I saw what he wrote, it made me so upset, and I couldn't stop crying. I talked to my mom about it, and she sided with him--again! I was so angry with both of them and I decided to take things into my own hands and talk to my step dad myself. He got very defensive when I told him if he had something bad to about me, he should say it to my face. I had to fight with him to get him to take down his posts. Additionally, sometimes when my mom and I are having conversations regarding college or private conversations between just us he will rudely butt in and interrupt--either by changing the subject or saying something to the effect of "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Your conversation's over". It makes me so mad, and when I talk to my mom about it, she just sides with him again because in her eyes he can do no wrong. But he does a lot of wrong. I wish she would at least try to see things from my point of view, but it seems like she just doesn't care that her husband is being downright mean to me. My mom always blames me for things he does and when I try to tell her that I wasn't responsible, she again acts like my step dad is perfect and can't do anything wrong. He even hears her blaming me for these thing sometimes and doesn't say anything. I think her being around my step dad all the time has made her change as well, she's always yelling at me and freaking out about the smallest things. She always tells me that no one likes me and that I have no friends, and the people who I think are my friends talk about me behind my back. I'm at the point where I'm fed up with both her and my step dad because no one wants to solve anything. I need to move out of her house, the only thing that's keeping me here is working in order to have enough money to move. In the meantime, what can I do to not be uncomfortable in my house? I've tried so many different approaches and nothing works, I don't know how to get my mom to see my side of things and that my step dad is legitimately makes me upset almost every day. I'm open to any advice.
Re: Continuous Problems With my Step Dad--Advice?
Cut them off and find another place to live --- studio apartment, furnished room, living arrangement with 1 or 2 other ladies your age. Or with a co-ed arrangement, if you are comfortable with that.
You cannot keep associating with your mother and her husband --- her husband; it is not your step father. He did not have any hand in bringing you up when you were a small child.
If you value your sanity and self worth, get out of there asap. And cut them off. THey are pigs. GL.
Your relationship with your mother may improve once you've put some distance between you all. Or, better yet, the distance will help you to see what was really going on, and you will no longer crave the relationship with your mother that you don't have.
Moving out doesn't actually take that much money. Sell some stuff if you have to. Sell your car if you have to, and use public transport. Sell some clothes, go nuts on Ebay. Don't get your own apartment, just move into a shared one - keep your costs down and do your own thing. Work, go to school, support yourself and heal from this - it sounds like a terrible place to be living.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
There must be a student union bulletin board or some type of communal place at school where you can post things like books for sale, etc --- somebody in that school's got to be looking for a roommmate. Post an "ad" for one there.
Try your local newspapers for a furnished room for rent.