Step Child and vacations

runner76 · August 2014

Do you believe the sc needs to go on every family trip> What if you want to spend time with just your child or children? thoughts?

VOR · August 2014

Need more info. Especially where your DH stands on this. And how often is the SC with you, how old is he/she? etc.

Big picture- the child has enough to deal with as it is. It's hard to be a child of divorce/ split family. If a "family vacation" in ANY way, shape or form makes that child feel excluded, then yes, that child needs to be included.

If you want to have vacations that include only YOUR biological children but not your DHs, then you shouldn't marry a person who has kids already.

runner76 · August 2014

What If you can't afford it or if the timing doesn't work for that sc. And what if they go on their own trips with their mother idk.

runner76 · August 2014

Every other weekend 13

englishtrish1 · August 2014

Is your step child not part of the family? If the answer is yes then of course they need to go on all vacations, if the answer is no then you have bigger problems than whether they should come on trips or not.

I am alo interested as to where your DH stands on this.

PnkBride · August 2014

Yes, they should always been included in family vacations.

zaria115 · August 2014

I would say yes, just so the kid doesn't feel excluded from the family. I'd imagine it's hard having a whole other family to deal with, especially if the kid just wants to spend time with his dad and his mom.

Ilumine · August 2014

Honestly, it depends on the trip/event/activity.

If you "want to spend time with just your child or children", then NO. The reality is, your stepchild(ten) is/are YOUR HUSBAND'S CHILD(REN) too.

But if there is an event that is only going to occur on a time that your step-child is truly not available (i.e. BM/BF will not allow change in parenting time) then YES, you should not deprive one child for the sake of the other.

Conversely, how would you feel if your DH wanted to go on vacation with just his child from his first marriage/relationship, excluding your child(ten)? Not the one-on-one time that all kids should have, but a trip away from the house, that included a hotel and/or expensive activity?

BlueBirdMB · August 2014

This is just another reason why being a step parent is so difficult. What does the child's mother think? What about your husband? This isn't really that much of a decision for you to make.

VOR · August 2014

Yeah, to follow on Illumine - if the timing genuinely doesnt work out, that's one thing. But this child is only with you EOW and you still need special vacation time w, only YOUR bio kids? That I side-eye. ANd can't afford it? That falls flat too. Again- you married a man w/ a child. That has to be factored into your budget. You don't get to exclude the child because you can't afford it.

Ilumine · August 2014

I want to follow up on this post.

As a stepmother with a biological child, who was 9 years older than my brother (intact family), I recognize that FAIR does not mean EQUAL.

My brother was able to get a whole heck of a lot more than I was, just because my parents lives were in a different place. My DD was able to get a portable DVD player at 2 years of age (road trips only) but my 13 year older SS never had one - why? Because they were not available when he was 2.

The same can be said about trips and activities. Fair is accepting an invitation to the zoo on a non StepChild day because you have already taken him to the zoo. Not fair is going to the County Fair (that is only in town for one week) without him.

But conversely, FAIR may be not spending extra (outside of child support) on an extra circular so your younger child can participate in an extra. IE taking turns. This occurred in my intact house all of the time. We only had a finite amount of money and it would have been unfair that I always got to do an extra and Sis and Bro did not just because I was there first.

Its a fine line, but it is not that fine that you cannot see it.

Ilumine · August 2014

And one more comment.

If your DH is willing to go on a vacation without his one child, he will more than likely do that with your child.

Step Child and vacations

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