Not MM-related: how many showers did you have for wedding/baby?

hoffse · September 2014

I'm curious because I just found out that a girl I grew up with is having 9 showers. One of my BFFs is in her wedding and has apparently sent a gift to every single shower. I think I would have mutinied.

Is this a new thing? I didn't get married that long ago, but things have already changed since then... apparently having drone video footage is all the rage now.

This just seems really excessive to me.

hoffse · September 2014

Oh and I forgot to answer my own question: I had one shower for my wedding. It was lovely.

CuriousKiddosMama · September 2014

3 for the wedding: 1 in the town we live in, 1 in dh'a hometown and 1 in my hometown.
2 for the baby. 1 from my coworkers, and 1 my bf threw for me.

hoffse · September 2014

AprilH81 said:

I had one shower for the wedding, coworkers gave me a card filled with money and gift cards, MIL hosted a "Ladies Tea Party" this spring as a low key way for me to meet more of her friends who weren't invited to the wedding. She asked everyone to bring me a recipe and a few people included small gifts (cook book, ingredients, etc.) but it wasn't billed as a shower.

Unless you have a super complicated family situation I start judging after 3 showers... Even then people should be able to be adults for a few hours to honor/celebrate the bride.

And there is NO FREAKING WAY I would send a gift to all of them.

Yeah, see... that's the thing. She has a very simple family situation. Only child, both parents married. He's an only child with both parents married. Everybody lives in the same town.

I guess I can see up to 4 showers for certain people: 2 showers for family/friends - especially if the bride and groom have moved away from hometowns, work/office, and maybe church (or other social/civic group) if you are super involved.

She's very involved in her church. She's unemployed, though, so she definitely did not have an office shower...

mc0113 · September 2014

That is just WAY too many showers. Lol

I had 2 wedding showers. One where my family and I live and one where DH's family lives.

No baby showers - my family traditionally doesn't celebrate a baby before it's born mainly due to superstition. We will host a luncheon for family/friends for the Baptism (with no gifts expected).

hoffse · September 2014

mc0113 said:

That is just WAY too many showers. Lol

I had 2 wedding showers. One where my family and I live and one where DH's family lives.

No baby showers - my family traditionally doesn't celebrate a baby before it's born mainly due to superstition. We will host a luncheon for family/friends for the Baptism (with no gifts expected).

I think that sounds very nice

Yeah on facebook there was a girl announcing that she is having 7 showers for her first baby. I mean... really. As we've discussed on these boards so many times, baby stuff does NOT have to be that expensive.

formerlyGDaisy09 · September 2014

I got married 2 1/2 years ago and had one shower for my wedding, it was lovely. I'd say 2-3 would be where I started judging...depending on the family situation (I suppose if all parents were divorced I could see 4 happening....but even that begins to seem ridiculous).

I can see 1-2 baby showers, maybe 3 if work throws one...I start side-eyeing baby showers for 2nd and 3rd children....how much more baby stuff do you really need that you don't have already?

brij2006 · September 2014

Wow. That seems crazy!

I had 3 showers, but that's just because my family is so big. So there was 1 for H's sides of the family (both combined), 1 for my mom's side, and 1 for my dad's side (because they're too big to combine).

For baby showers there is talk of doing it the same way, but my friends also want to throw me a shower separately. I'm trying to convince them to just combine with H's family because it's small and the girl hosting it knows my BFF.

Xstatic3333 · September 2014

I had two wedding showers. It was an odd situation where my MOH offered to host one for everybody, but then my MIL offered to host one ONLY for their side of the family and my mother-not even the BMs. It all worked out fine; less people to host for my BFF, BMs only had one shower to deal with, and MIL got to host the shower she wanted. It was a fight and a half to keep her from inviting her non-wedding-guest work friends, but H handled it perfectly

While we're on the topic of showers, I'm involved in an upcoming baby shower (helping, not hosting) and something odd came up in a group email the other day. The MTB has requested games, and one of her friends has taken on the responsibility for planning them. Apparently one of the games she is planning is "guess the size of MTB's bump," where we all cut pieces of string to how wide her bump is supposed to be and see who is closest. I haven't been to many baby showers-is this common? MTB is an athlete with GREAT body confidence, but this seems potentially awkward/hurtful.

cbee817 · September 2014

We had a very small couple wedding shower with close family and my coworkers took me to lunch/got us a gift card. When DH and I got married (we were 24, 23), I already owned a condo and had everything we needed so we didn't register for anything.. it was nice though, got lots of cash and gift cards instead.

With DD#1 (we were 28, 27), I had a larger shower that we registered for and my coworkers had a small shower at work for me. DH wasn't there for most of the baby shower, but did stop by towards the end to see everyone and help pack up the car. We didn't have anything for DD#2 (I think it's weird when people have a shower for 2nd, 3rd, 4th... baby)- although a lot of family stopped by with a small gift after she was born.

formerlyGDaisy09 · September 2014

AprilH81 said:

Xstatic3333 said:

I had two wedding showers. It was an odd situation where my MOH offered to host one for everybody, but then my MIL offered to host one ONLY for their side of the family and my mother-not even the BMs. It all worked out fine; less people to host for my BFF, BMs only had one shower to deal with, and MIL got to host the shower she wanted. It was a fight and a half to keep her from inviting her non-wedding-guest work friends, but H handled it perfectly

While we're on the topic of showers, I'm involved in an upcoming baby shower (helping, not hosting) and something odd came up in a group email the other day. The MTB has requested games, and one of her friends has taken on the responsibility for planning them. Apparently one of the games she is planning is "guess the size of MTB's bump," where we all cut pieces of string to how wide her bump is supposed to be and see who is closest. I haven't been to many baby showers-is this common? MTB is an athlete with GREAT body confidence, but this seems potentially awkward/hurtful.

I think that is a "know the MTB" thing. My sister did it at her shower and was able to get a kick out of peoples guesses, but yes, it could be very hurtful.

Please don't do any "guess the melted candy bars in a diaper" games. Those really gross me out.

I've definitely played that game at showers....most MTB take it well and know it's all in good fun...as long as a few people are wildly off (usually on purpose) MTB can usually laugh it off. I also agree that diaper games are gross.

Xstatic3333 · September 2014

AprilH81 said:

Xstatic3333 said:

I had two wedding showers. It was an odd situation where my MOH offered to host one for everybody, but then my MIL offered to host one ONLY for their side of the family and my mother-not even the BMs. It all worked out fine; less people to host for my BFF, BMs only had one shower to deal with, and MIL got to host the shower she wanted. It was a fight and a half to keep her from inviting her non-wedding-guest work friends, but H handled it perfectly

While we're on the topic of showers, I'm involved in an upcoming baby shower (helping, not hosting) and something odd came up in a group email the other day. The MTB has requested games, and one of her friends has taken on the responsibility for planning them. Apparently one of the games she is planning is "guess the size of MTB's bump," where we all cut pieces of string to how wide her bump is supposed to be and see who is closest. I haven't been to many baby showers-is this common? MTB is an athlete with GREAT body confidence, but this seems potentially awkward/hurtful.

I think that is a "know the MTB" thing. My sister did it at her shower and was able to get a kick out of peoples guesses, but yes, it could be very hurtful.

Please don't do any "guess the melted candy bars in a diaper" games. Those really gross me out.

I'm with you-those are so gross!

Glad to hear it was ok at your sister's shower! The person planning the games is a little higher up in the friendship hierarchy than me, and we've had pretty clear divisions of labor, so I feel like I need to just trust her judgement. I know I'd hate that, but I'm not really into shower games at all.

als1982 · September 2014

We had four. My family, H's family, my work and our friends. Only overlapping guests were MOB and MOG. Judge away.

Sisugal · September 2014

1 for wedding and 1 for baby

Xstatic3333 · September 2014

als1982 said:
We had four. My family, H's family, my work and our friends. Only overlapping guests were MOB and MOG. Judge away.

See, as long as there are no overlapping guests except the moms and the guests of honor aren't hosting, I don't judge. I think in @hoffse's case the ridiculous part is someone feeling like they had to give a gift at all of them (assuming it was expected, she wasn't doing it on her own accord).

vlagrl29 · September 2014

1 wedding shower and 2 baby showers (my mom and MIL)….that girl is so nuts to have that many. It makes her seem like she is gift hungry and wants everyone to support her baby. I won't have a 2nd baby shower, but I'm sure family will do something small for us.

Wulfgar · September 2014

We eloped so no wedding showers. Then again, when I returned from Oklahoma, I combined my first set of kitchen stuff with the kitchen stuff that I bought while down there.

For baby showers, there was only twoish. One her family through, one her work through, then at Christmas when my SIL through us one and tried to get my extended family to get us things. It ended up being my parents, siblings, and spouses.

Then again, my SIL wants to try to recoup some of the expenses we have had with going to our cousins weddings etc. I personally didn't care.

blondie42107 · September 2014

Bridal shower - 1
Baby shower - 3 (my fam, H's fam, my work threw me one)

abrewer5 · September 2014

I had 3 showers. Both DH's parents and mine are divorced and remarried so there are 8 families between the two of us. We had one for my family/friends thrown by my bridesmaids, one for his family/friends thrown by his mom, and then my work threw my a surprise shower.

I didn't even want those, but my wedding planning was a NIGHTMARE dealing with family issues so I was over it all. lol In hindsight I'm really glad I had them, they were very nice!

9 is absolutely ridiculous.

hoffse · September 2014

Xstatic3333 said:

We had four. My family, H's family, my work and our friends. Only overlapping guests were MOB and MOG. Judge away.
See, as long as there are no overlapping guests except the moms and the guests of honor aren't hosting, I don't judge. I think in @hoffse's case the ridiculous part is someone feeling like they had to give a gift at all of them (assuming it was expected, she wasn't doing it on her own accord).

Yeah I think that's the issue I'm having here too. All 13 bridesmaids have been invited to every single one. I know they're the wedding party, but like... 9 gifts plus a wedding gift is just excessive. And yes, my friend felt obligated to send something. Apparently one girl did not bring a gift after the fourth or fifth shower and comments were made.

The bride and groom also live in her parents' basement. So don't ask me why she needs a welcome mat or a bread machine. There's no kitchen down there. And I know for a fact that neither of them cook. Most of the stuff they are getting a) won't be used even if they move and b) won't fit in their living space until they manage to move out.... and with so much stuff, I would be really surprised if they find an apartment or condo that still has enough space for all these gifts.

I understand that people register for gifts that they may not use often - wedding china being a prime example. But like... if you have never cooked a day in your life, you don't need a tangine. She registered for one. I'm 90% sure that she has no idea what they are for.

CuriousKiddosMama · September 2014

hoffse said:

Xstatic3333 said:

als1982 said:
We had four. My family, H's family, my work and our friends. Only overlapping guests were MOB and MOG. Judge away.
See, as long as there are no overlapping guests except the moms and the guests of honor aren't hosting, I don't judge. I think in @hoffse's case the ridiculous part is someone feeling like they had to give a gift at all of them (assuming it was expected, she wasn't doing it on her own accord).

Yeah I think that's the issue I'm having here too. All 13 bridesmaids have been invited to every single one. I know they're the wedding party, but like... 9 gifts plus a wedding gift is just excessive. And yes, my friend felt obligated to send something. Apparently one girl did not bring a gift after the fourth or fifth shower and comments were made.

The bride and groom also live in her parents' basement. So don't ask me why she needs a welcome mat or a bread machine. There's no kitchen down there. And I know for a fact that neither of them cook. Most of the stuff they are getting a) won't be used even if they move and b) won't fit in their living space until they manage to move out.... and with so much stuff, I would be really surprised if they find an apartment or condo that still has enough space for all these gifts.

I understand that people register for gifts that they may not use often - wedding china being a prime example. But like... if you have never cooked a day in your life, you don't need a tangine. She registered for one. I'm 90% sure that she has no idea what they are for.

Um... I cook and love to bake and I have no idea what that is! I'm going to have to look it up. As a bridesmaid, I would probably quit going to the showers if that was the response. Being a part of the bridal party in and of itself can get expensive (especially with some brides) there is no way I would be buying 13 gifts on top of that. If my bf did something crazy like that I would tell her to settle down and cancel something! She sounds like a bridezilla!

jessica490 · September 2014

Wow! that seems excessive. I think at that point I would feel super greedy.

I only had 1 family wedding shower, and 1 at work from my co-workers.

maple2 · September 2014

Zero wedding showers. We weren't living near family or any of the wedding party and hadn't been in our new location long enough to have friends who volunteered. Almost everyone who attended our wedding had to come from out of town and our family helped out a lot with the wedding, so a shower seemed unnecessary.

Two baby showers. One through work and one with friends.

strickland8052 · September 2014

I did not have a wedding shower. We had a destination wedding that required most guests to drive 3-5 hours, so I didn't want them to feel like they had to do anything else or spend anymore money.

I know what you mean about it getting out of control. One of my old high school classmates seemed like she had some kind of party every month for the year she was engaged. I lost track after the fourth engagement party.

Xstatic3333 · September 2014

Oh man, we actually wanted to register for a tagine but decided it was too side-eye worthy. I do regret not registering for mocajete because we make guacamole a LOT!

It's horrible that the BM got looks for stopping after four gifts. The poor thing. I'd probably back out. Heck, some of my BMs didn't get me a physical shower gift at all, but I knew they'd spent time and money on food, decorations, etc. I'm going to have to get my baby shower friend a smaller gift too because the washcloth and sock cupcakes I'm making got pricey real quick!

sillygoosegirl · September 2014

2 of each, but no duplicate guests for either event (for my wedding, it was a shower with DH's family in the Midwest, and a shower on the west coast with my family and friends; for my baby showers, there's one with friends/family and one at work). Being expected to attend multiple showers and bring multiple gifts is kind of insane, IMO.

HoneyBee973 · September 2014

I had one bridal shower, and that was more than enough.

If I was invited to all 9 showers, I would stop going after 2, and would not be sending a gift for the other 7. What is wrong with people?!?

MissN06 · September 2014

Wedding to DH: 2 (his side, and work) this was my second marriage so we didn't do a wedding shower on my side.

Baby shower: 3 (my side, his side/friends, and work.

short+sassy · September 2014

NINE!?! I can't even. So crazy. Who would even want that many showers?

I didn't have a wedding shower because I got married OOT. If anyone had offered to throw one, it literally would have to have been for the day or two before the wedding, lol. I could maybe have seen someone at my work throwing me a shower, but no one offered. Though a group of us went out to lunch the day before I was leaving. One of the women made me a fun and silly veil to wear, so that was neat. In fact, I brought it with me and wore it to my rehearsal dinner.

No children, so no showers there. One of my coworkers had one baby shower (not a work one), but it was HUGE. Like well over 100 people there. But he and his wife come from large, local families so it made sense.

emily1004 · September 2014

3 Wedding showers, one was a couples shower.

If I ever have a baby, there will be zero showers. Jews don't really do baby showers because it's considered bad luck to talk about the baby before the birth.

I get someone having a lot of wedding showers because if someone wants to give one for you, it's almost rude to tell them no.

FabulousMrs.P · September 2014

I had one bridal shower and one baby shower. We all live locally so we just invited both sides of the family.

9 is RIDICULOUS!

Not MM-related: how many showers did you have for wedding/baby?

Re: Not MM-related: how many showers did you have for wedding/baby?

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