MM Weddings

hoffse · January 2015

OK so I just spent $233 on a bridesmaids dress that I will absolutely never wear again.

Weddings are starting to really kill my budget.

I feel like we need to make MM weddings more popular than they are.

Also, I'm in favor of bringing back the wedding brunch as a thing. It used to be you got married in the morning, had brunch or lunch after the ceremony, and that was that. People were free to socialize or leave. Tasteful and inexpensive.

I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't super MM in my own wedding. But hindsight is 20-20, and if I could do it all over again I would make some different choices. It was lovely, but it sure did cost a lot for a single day..

vlagrl29 · January 2015

we spent $7K on our wedding and people told us they thought we spent $20k. we did some things ourselves and got deals in other things. I wouldn't change a thing. I honestly don't like the wedding brunch idea probably because I'm not a morning person - I would rather attend a party at the reception and dance.

blondie42107 · January 2015

Ah the joys of bridesmaid dresses, particularly when you're pregnant and know you will NEVER wear that dress again.

I snagged my wedding dress at a trunk sale for $99 (saved $700+!) and best yet it was a non-chain store. Davids Bridal treated us like crap...

lifeonthehill · January 2015

Our wedding was about 9k. We only spent about 4k of our own money. I still would never do it again.

I agree about the brunch weddings! I wanted to do one so bad but H was against it.

als1982 · January 2015

hoffse said:

OK so I just spent $233 on a bridesmaids dress that I will absolutely never wear again.

Weddings are starting to really kill my budget.

I feel like we need to make MM weddings more popular than they are.

Also, I'm in favor of bringing back the wedding brunch as a thing. It used to be you got married in the morning, had brunch or lunch after the ceremony, and that was that. People were free to socialize or leave. Tasteful and inexpensive.

I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't super MM in my own wedding. But hindsight is 20-20, and if I could do it all over again I would make some different choices. It was lovely, but it sure did cost a lot for a single day..

For the life of me, I cannot understand how or why having bridesmaids or groomsmen pick-up the tab for attire dictated by the bride and groom is considered acceptable etiquette.

I think we spent somewhere around $5K for our rehearsal dinner, $35K on our wedding and $12K on our honeymoon, and I don't regret spending one single dime. Those memories are priceless.

Even with that budget, we were still MM in lots of ways. We had amazing high-end gourmet cake, but bought 15 "celebration cakes" instead of a wedding specific one. I waited until Cyber Monday for the shoes I'd been eyeing to go on sale. I bought cheap glass vases online instead of renting or buying them from the florist. I ordered rented linens on line from two different websites in order to get what I wanted for the best deal possible. And we just skipped a ton of the unnecessary things couples think they "need" like toasting flutes, cake serving set, garter (heck we didn't even do a cake cutting or any tosses!)

SmrBrd2012 · January 2015

We spent 10k total on ours including our honeymoon. I was pretty proud of that since I'm in a HCOL area. H and I still thought about eloping at town hall at least 5 times during our planning process though...Along with your train of thought, I wish it was more acceptable to do more DIY stuff or just be "less fancy" in general. I can't believe how much people spend on flowers!!! I did my own by ordering thru Costco. And hair! Everything is just so overpriced when vendors know it is for a wedding.

I spent SO much on being a BM last year at my friend's wedding. I think my dress was $180. And it's bright pink. Definitely won't be wearing it again!

hoffse · January 2015

als1982 said:

hoffse said:

OK so I just spent $233 on a bridesmaids dress that I will absolutely never wear again.

Weddings are starting to really kill my budget.

I feel like we need to make MM weddings more popular than they are.

Also, I'm in favor of bringing back the wedding brunch as a thing. It used to be you got married in the morning, had brunch or lunch after the ceremony, and that was that. People were free to socialize or leave. Tasteful and inexpensive.

I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't super MM in my own wedding. But hindsight is 20-20, and if I could do it all over again I would make some different choices. It was lovely, but it sure did cost a lot for a single day..

For the life of me, I cannot understand how or why having bridesmaids or groomsmen pick-up the tab for attire dictated by the bride and groom is considered acceptable etiquette.

I think we spent somewhere around $5K for our rehearsal dinner, $35K on our wedding and $12K on our honeymoon, and I don't regret spending one single dime. Those memories are priceless.

Even with that budget, we were still MM in lots of ways. We had amazing high-end gourmet cake, but bought 15 "celebration cakes" instead of a wedding specific one. I waited until Cyber Monday for the shoes I'd been eyeing to go on sale. I bought cheap glass vases online instead of renting or buying them from the florist. I ordered rented linens on line from two different websites in order to get what I wanted for the best deal possible. And we just skipped a ton of the unnecessary things couples think they "need" like toasting flutes, cake serving set, garter (heck we didn't even do a cake cutting or any tosses!)

We managed to keep costs down for the most part but had more than 200 people show up. It was a fairly large wedding.

I just honestly don't remember a lot of it. I was so busy and overwhelmed by the whole thing. I also dislike being the center of attention, and I didn't really appreciate how much I dislike that until the entire day was about us...

I'm very grateful that my parents footed the bill for most of it. Still, my dad offered to write me a check for the value of the wedding plus a 10% "pain and suffering" bonus (since he wouldn't have to listen to me and my mom plan for a year), and I didn't take it. It was the least-MM decision I have ever made. I know that if I had accepted his offer I would probably always regret it and dream of the wedding we never had. But we still could have done a lot more practical things with that money.

I don't understand why the wedding party has to foot the bill for attire either. It runs counter to every other etiquette rule out there.

hoffse · January 2015

SmrBrd2012 said:

We spent 10k total on ours including our honeymoon. I was pretty proud of that since I'm in a HCOL area. H and I still thought about eloping at town hall at least 5 times during our planning process though...Along with your train of thought, I wish it was more acceptable to do more DIY stuff or just be "less fancy" in general. I can't believe how much people spend on flowers!!! I did my own by ordering thru Costco. And hair! Everything is just so overpriced when vendors know it is for a wedding.

I spent SO much on being a BM last year at my friend's wedding. I think my dress was $180. And it's bright pink. Definitely won't be wearing it

SmrBrd2012 said:

We spent 10k total on ours including our honeymoon. I was pretty proud of that since I'm in a HCOL area. H and I still thought about eloping at town hall at least 5 times during our planning process though...Along with your train of thought, I wish it was more acceptable to do more DIY stuff or just be "less fancy" in general. I can't believe how much people spend on flowers!!! I did my own by ordering thru Costco. And hair! Everything is just so overpriced when vendors know it is for a wedding.

I spent SO much on being a BM last year at my friend's wedding. I think my dress was $180. And it's bright pink. Definitely won't be wearing it again!

I actually don't mind the color or style of this one, but it's a floor-length chiffon dress. There's just no way to wear that again because it looks distinctly bridal. And I mean, if that's the look we're going for that's fine. But how about we go with the $90 version through one of the budget wedding vendors instead of the $200+ version to have a "designer's" name on the tag. Nobody is going to be able to tell the difference, I promise.

vlagrl29 · January 2015

Guess I shouldn't complain that my friends aren't getting married. I've only been a bridesmaid once and it was almost 10 years ago

shakinros · January 2015

I've only been a bridesmaid once too. And my friend had us all wear black, knee-length dresses if our own choosing. Score!

I reciprocated at my wedding. Bridesmaids were asked to wear purple (any shade) knee-length dresses. Any style, fabric, designer, etc. groomsmen wore grey suits - again any shade, style or designer. We provided purple ties. The photos look awesome.

Wulfgar · January 2015

MW and I did the whole elope with only family for the official version. Then to make it easier for our children to go to Catholic school we got blessed during a Saturday service in front of family who could make it. After each we went to a diner for a meal.

My first wedding with my ex was a potluck that worked well for everyone. My parents bought the meat and her parents supplied the drinks.

Between both marriages, I don't think we spent more that $1000.

blondie42107 · January 2015

als1982 said:

hoffse said:

OK so I just spent $233 on a bridesmaids dress that I will absolutely never wear again.

Weddings are starting to really kill my budget.

I feel like we need to make MM weddings more popular than they are.

Also, I'm in favor of bringing back the wedding brunch as a thing. It used to be you got married in the morning, had brunch or lunch after the ceremony, and that was that. People were free to socialize or leave. Tasteful and inexpensive.

I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't super MM in my own wedding. But hindsight is 20-20, and if I could do it all over again I would make some different choices. It was lovely, but it sure did cost a lot for a single day..

For the life of me, I cannot understand how or why having bridesmaids or groomsmen pick-up the tab for attire dictated by the bride and groom is considered acceptable etiquette.

I think we spent somewhere around $5K for our rehearsal dinner, $35K on our wedding and $12K on our honeymoon, and I don't regret spending one single dime. Those memories are priceless.

Even with that budget, we were still MM in lots of ways. We had amazing high-end gourmet cake, but bought 15 "celebration cakes" instead of a wedding specific one. I waited until Cyber Monday for the shoes I'd been eyeing to go on sale. I bought cheap glass vases online instead of renting or buying them from the florist. I ordered rented linens on line from two different websites in order to get what I wanted for the best deal possible. And we just skipped a ton of the unnecessary things couples think they "need" like toasting flutes, cake serving set, garter (heck we didn't even do a cake cutting or any tosses!)

Wow! We had 250 guests (small for my area/family - our families are huge) and we didn't spend anything near that! We had a church ceremony with a reception at a country club. We did a big cake, cake servers, toasting flutes (not wedding specific but our taste), etc.

I took my bridesmaids shopping, had them look for dresses, what styles they liked, what prices they didn't like, etc. I've been in a good handful of weddings and I had no problem paying for everything that comes with the "job." If finances had been an issue, I would have declined.

als1982 · January 2015

blondie42107 said:

als1982 said:

hoffse said:

OK so I just spent $233 on a bridesmaids dress that I will absolutely never wear again.

Weddings are starting to really kill my budget.

I feel like we need to make MM weddings more popular than they are.

Also, I'm in favor of bringing back the wedding brunch as a thing. It used to be you got married in the morning, had brunch or lunch after the ceremony, and that was that. People were free to socialize or leave. Tasteful and inexpensive.

I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't super MM in my own wedding. But hindsight is 20-20, and if I could do it all over again I would make some different choices. It was lovely, but it sure did cost a lot for a single day..

For the life of me, I cannot understand how or why having bridesmaids or groomsmen pick-up the tab for attire dictated by the bride and groom is considered acceptable etiquette.

I think we spent somewhere around $5K for our rehearsal dinner, $35K on our wedding and $12K on our honeymoon, and I don't regret spending one single dime. Those memories are priceless.

Even with that budget, we were still MM in lots of ways. We had amazing high-end gourmet cake, but bought 15 "celebration cakes" instead of a wedding specific one. I waited until Cyber Monday for the shoes I'd been eyeing to go on sale. I bought cheap glass vases online instead of renting or buying them from the florist. I ordered rented linens on line from two different websites in order to get what I wanted for the best deal possible. And we just skipped a ton of the unnecessary things couples think they "need" like toasting flutes, cake serving set, garter (heck we didn't even do a cake cutting or any tosses!)

Wow! We had 250 guests (small for my area/family - our families are huge) and we didn't spend anything near that! We had a church ceremony with a reception at a country club. We did a big cake, cake servers, toasting flutes (not wedding specific but our taste), etc.

I took my bridesmaids shopping, had them look for dresses, what styles they liked, what prices they didn't like, etc. I've been in a good handful of weddings and I had no problem paying for everything that comes with the "job." If finances had been an issue, I would have declined.

Sounds lovely!

mana8503 · January 2015

I just donated all my Bridesmaid dresses I've collected over the years. Most were $250-300. Besides my BFF, I will be declining all Bridesmaid offers. Last wedding I calculated spending $1500 between shower, bachelorette party, dress, shoes, hair and makeup, hotel....

For my wedding, we went to Davids, I told them to order a long satin dress in Apple. They could decide the style and price. I loved having all the dresses different.

abrewer5 · January 2015

Weddings are freaking expensive! My H and I are in wedding for two of our best friends in October and both are talking about going away for the bachelor/bachelorette parties! She wants to go to Vegas for a long weekend and he wants to go to Nashville. H and I are still figuring out how we're either going to pay for it or respectfully decline. And considering she texted me last month to "make sure I'm already saving for Vegas" I have a feeling that's going to be difficult and cause a problem if I don't go. That's a big bill to foot on top of wedding gift, bridesmaid dress/shoes, tux, hair/makeup/nails which she wants all professionally done.

And a side note the hairdresser she wants to use for the wedding did a hack job on my hair a couple months ago and now I'm terrified to have her touch my hair haha.

Luckily she is letting us pick whatever dress we want in Navy for the wedding, so I'm searching for affordable, but cute options. I'd like to go long since it's an evening wedding in October, but I want to be able to wear it again too.

jessica490 · January 2015

I feel your pain on the bridesmaid dress...I once had to buy a dress for $250 or smoething like that and the wedding got cancelled. I brought the dress to a consignment shop and got $40 for it...boy was I pissed.

formerlyGDaisy09 · January 2015

I have a friend who dyes all her bridesmaids dresses black after she wears them, if the cut/fit is ok she gets more use out of them.

We were pretty MM, our rehearsal dinner cost $500 (we did a BBQ) H's parents paid for it, they had just dropped $7K on his sister's wedding and $500 was all they could do, so we made it work. W spent $15K on our wedding, we were pretty thrifty, we had 125 guests.

my bridesmaids bought their own dresses, but I gave them a color and let them buy whatever dresses they wanted. several bought off the clerance rack.

last wedding I was in I think I spend well over $1000 by the time it was over. even just going to weddings is expensive. We had wedding 1 of 8 this past weekend, I think by the time gifts were purchased, hotel stays paid for, pet sitter, etc. we probably spent $250.

Erikan73 · January 2015

@abrewer5 go to Target website, go to dresses & bridesmaid. They have dresses for under $100 and if you would opt for knee length they have several navy dresses that can easily be used again for a night out or when you have to attend a wedding as a guest. http://www.target.com/c/dresses-women-s-clothing/-/N-5xtcg#navigation=true&category=5xtcg&searchTerm=&view_type=large&sort_by=newest&faceted_value=57qsoZ5y70h&offset=0&response_group=Items&isLeaf=true&parent_category_id=5xtcm&custom_price=false&min_price=from&max_price=to

Xstatic3333 · January 2015

We did have a pricy wedding (I think $20,000 total with us contributing about 5) but it was actually really worth it to us and our parents. It was a very, very special memory. We sacrificed a big HM to put in what we did. I figure we can travel anytime. I think MMweddings can be just as special, but no regrets in our case.

I tried to follow all the standard TK BM advice. I asked them their budgets privately, found a store with options in that range, and let them pick their own dress in different shades of blue. Most were low-100s; $200-$300 sounds crazy to me. Hair was optional (most did it), shoes were any silver (the group consensus color choice, not actually my style).

hoffse · January 2015

If I'm being honest, the thing that really bugs me is we had like no notice of how much this was going to cost, and there was no conversation about budgets. We all got an email Monday night with the dress, and the bride said that orders needed to be in by the end of the day on Tuesday. I've kind of known this was coming (she's procrastinated her whole life), but I guess I expected it to be less. Or to have enough notice to work the cost into our budget.

We can afford it, it just has come at a time when a guy is at our house demo'ing the back room to move a wall and upgrade the electric for us. It timed badly, since I didn't have enough notice to work it into our budget with the renovations we're having done. I can juggle things financially, I just need a little bit of notice to do it.

Oh well. She's one of my best friends, so I'll get over it.

The good news is she's really the last one for awhile. After her wedding, all of my friends will either be married or single. Nobody with significant others who may be headed that direction.

cbee817 · January 2015

We saved everyone $ and didn't have any bridesmaids or groomsmen- we didn't understand the point of having them. DH bought his suit from JCrew, my mom made my dress with an amazing ivory raw silk we found. We got married in a cherry orchard and had our reception in a huge barn on the most beautiful Sunday afternoon in August. Everything was done by 8pm and we drove our honda civic (all decorated) to a B&B for the night. It was totally us and I wouldn't change anything. Entire event was about $9K- lucky to have our parents pay for everything.

Kahlyla · January 2015

We spent about 7K on our wedding, and if we could do it again we wouldn't change anything substantial. We did get married in the morning with the reception immediately following - it wasn't brunch exactly but more like cocktail/afternoon tea food and drink. Still plenty of food but lighter fare; still alcohol but wine and light punches and such rather than tons of hard drinks. Actually one of our biggest savers was bring able to self-cater our own alcohol. That was HUGE. We actually did have dancing, and then we fully hosted an after-party later on at our house in the city for anyone who wanted to join. That barely added any expense - we still had plenty of beverages that didn't get consumed at the reception, we added a keg, and we ordered in sushi and had chips and veggies and such.

For bridesmaid dresses, I simply picked a colour and they were all free to choose anything they liked. I've been pretty lucky in that regard as well; when my brother got married I simply needed to choose any black dress (score!) and when my best friend got married the bride made the dresses and we paid for the fabric.

brij2006 · January 2015

That is exactly why I told my bridesmaids what color and let them pick the style. Some bought dresses that were $60, and others bought ones for $200. It was entirely their choice.

formerlyGDaisy09 · January 2015

I think it's hard when the bride's definition of expensive (or inexpensive) doesn't match yours. I was in a wedding a couple years ago where the bride considered the $180 bridesmaid dresses "inexpensive" I guess maybe compared to her $10K+ hand stitched custom gown $180 was inexpensive.

We did a lot for our wedding to save, we only bought flowers for the bridal party, we didn't have ring barers, flower girls, or junior bridesmaids/groomsmen. We also didn't invite any children (didn't stop SIL from bringing hers, but that's another issue entirely). We did cupcakes instead of cake ($2.50 each instead of $7/serving, and no cake-cutting charge). we also hired a amature photographer (she got some great shots, but some of them are unusable), this is the only thing I might do differently if we did it again. Our DJ was also trying to get into weddings, so she was a steal too.

noffgurl · January 2015

We spent $85 for our wedding, $70 for the license and $15 for a dress I found at TJ Maxx. I wish we had done more, but we just didn't have the money for it. We have talked about doing a ceremony, like renewing our vows or something, but it just isn't top priority.

Xstatic3333 · January 2015

hoffse said:

If I'm being honest, the thing that really bugs me is we had like no notice of how much this was going to cost, and there was no conversation about budgets. We all got an email Monday night with the dress, and the bride said that orders needed to be in by the end of the day on Tuesday. I've kind of known this was coming (she's procrastinated her whole life), but I guess I expected it to be less. Or to have enough notice to work the cost into our budget.

We can afford it, it just has come at a time when a guy is at our house demo'ing the back room to move a wall and upgrade the electric for us. It timed badly, since I didn't have enough notice to work it into our budget with the renovations we're having done. I can juggle things financially, I just need a little bit of notice to do it.

Oh well. She's one of my best friends, so I'll get over it.

The good news is she's really the last one for awhile. After her wedding, all of my friends will either be married or single. Nobody with significant others who may be headed that direction.

That would bug the heck out of me too. One day's warning? Yikes.

If I had tried that with my BMs, I think I would have had a lot of non-purchasers. Mine ordered theirs over a period of months, and several very last minute.

als1982 · January 2015

brij2006 said:
That is exactly why I told my bridesmaids what color and let them pick the style. Some bought dresses that were $60, and others bought ones for $200. It was entirely their choice.

I love that this is a growing trend. Such a thoughtful way to do it! Plus, I love that everyone has the opportunity to express their own personality.

We bought our GMs grey suits and ties, and ordered a variety of grey dresses from J. Crew. The dresses we didn't like or choose, we just sent back. I can't even begin to remember what shoes anyone wore.

brij2006 · January 2015

als1982 said:

That is exactly why I told my bridesmaids what color and let them pick the style. Some bought dresses that were $60, and others bought ones for $200. It was entirely their choice.
I love that this is a growing trend. Such a thoughtful way to do it! Plus, I love that everyone has the opportunity to express their own personality. We bought our GMs grey suits and ties, and ordered a variety of grey dresses from J. Crew. The dresses we didn't like or choose, we just sent back. I can't even begin to remember what shoes anyone wore.

I had girls anywhere from a size 2 to a size 22, and knew that what one would feel comfortable in, the other one wouldn't. Then to have them spend money on a dress they hate and are uncomfortable in, just seemed rediculous.

vlagrl29 · January 2015

Honestly I think anything over $150 is too much for a bridesmaid dress. The one that I bought was around $100 at david's bridal - she told us the color (lilac) and said we could get any style in that color which was nice. I got one that went down to the ankle and was strapless - also had to get the shoes (any kind as well). the dress is nice and I'm trying to sell it on CL right now for $40. It could totally be a homecoming or prom dress.

simplyelise · January 2015

Our wedding cost about 14k and we only contributed about 2k. My parents are super generous.

We did black, knee-length dresses for the bridesmaids. I know at least 2 of the 5 used dresses they already had and two more spent under $50. My only kind of limiting requirement was that they not be a shiny material. Then they work black shoes. Our flower girl dresses were only $16 from H&M and we had them wear whatever shoes they wanted. The guys tux rentals were the most expensive, around $160 or so. But for the one GM who was in school, DH gave him the free rental that Men's Warehouse gives when you rent at least 5 tuxes.

I don't really understand the huge, out of town bachelorette/bachelore parties. It just seems like we keep upping the ante and making everything bigger. I'm sure it's fine in some circles and especially if there is no expectation or hurt feelings if one cannot attend. But around this part of the country, it would be a big imposition.

My wedding was only 3 months ago, so I don't yet have much that I would have done different in retrospect. I just hope that my 3 single bridesmaids don't feel obligated to have me in their wedding parties!

hoffse · January 2015

I agree the out-of-town pre-wedding parties are starting to become a bigger and bigger imposition. I'm very glad that my circle hasn't really jumped on this bandwagon. 10 years from now, I could see that being "standard" the way showers, bachelorette parties, engagement parties, cocktail hours, after-wedding parties, etc. have become increasingly standard.

It just becomes so crazy expensive.

I also think it sets couples up for financial issues just right out of the gate if they can't reign themselves in. One of our groomsmen got married about 6 months before we did. His wife insisted on so much that he ended up liquidating his retirement accounts for the wedding. He spent every penny of it after the penalties, and then they went a couple grand into credit card debt on top of it. He's managed to pay it off and start contributing again, but that's just crazy. We tried to gently talk him out of marrying her when we heard that was happening, but he went through with it.

H and I also ended up spending a small fortune for that wedding, because she insisted on getting married on top of this mountain literally in the middle of nowhere, close to nobody. The nearest airport was like 4 hours away, and H had to be there several days early to meet her demands (he was the best man), so we ended up flying separately and renting two cars to get there. We spent $200/night on this roach motel because it was the only one in town, and it was completely booked out for the wedding so they could charge whatever. Then of course there was the tux rental, gifts, bachelor party, etc. on top of it.

This wedding is driving distance in the town where my parents live. I guess I should look on the bright side, huh?

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