Money Matters
noffgurl
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Adoption
H and I have been able to work out a doable budget that we have been following and has been working really well for us right now. Our tax return is also boosting us to reach our goals. Here is an overview of our budget:
Income that goes to joint: no less than $1,800.
Expenses:
Car Insurance: $183
Trash Service: $66
H Credit Card 1. Min Payment: $25-we usually do extra, hasn't been less than $50 (only $140 left)
Our share of Satellite, Internet, and Cell Phones paid to my mother $240
H Credit Card 2. Min. Payment: $25-same as of above usually pay more ($170 left)
Identity Protection/Credit Score and Report Service with all three bureaus: $20
Our Truck: $392 is minimum- we add extra here when we can ($10,205 left)- doesn't make sense to sell right now
Water: typically hangs around $60
Electric: has reduced to hang around $200
For all our collections accounts, I have been dedicating a certain amount a month ($300) into it's own account and as I come up with certain amounts I am settling the payments. I know that will hurt me with taxes, but with as much as we are able to get back for the past few years, we may not have to actually owe, if we do I will cash flow it.
Spending Money, Gas, Pets, My School, and Food come out of our individual accounts. H has also been putting in a lot of extra cash to help get us ahead (my fears from before have not been realized, he has surprisingly stepped up significantly more.)
We are saving the remaining of whatever is left in the Joint at the end of the month. We have $1,600 in the Efund now, and obviously plans to add more.
Now my question, H and I can't get pregnant without medical help (which is super expensive and I'm not sure if I want to go through all of that). We have talked about adoption through an agency, but have been on the fence with the way our finances were. My coworkers 19 year old daughter is pregnant for a second time. My coworker has custody of the first baby because the teen could not take care of him. My coworker does not want to have to take care of a second child. The teen currently wants to keep the baby, but we both my coworker and I do not think that will end up happening. H and I really want to adopt this child, so we want to have our ducks in a row if she decides to do that. H and I know to expect your usual infant expenses, attorney fees, and filing fees. Does anyone know what the ballpark costs on those would be and are there any other expenses we aren't thinking of. We have health insurance on both of us now, I am not sure what the cost increase is to add a child.
Income that goes to joint: no less than $1,800.
Expenses:
Car Insurance: $183
Trash Service: $66
H Credit Card 1. Min Payment: $25-we usually do extra, hasn't been less than $50 (only $140 left)
Our share of Satellite, Internet, and Cell Phones paid to my mother $240
H Credit Card 2. Min. Payment: $25-same as of above usually pay more ($170 left)
Identity Protection/Credit Score and Report Service with all three bureaus: $20
Our Truck: $392 is minimum- we add extra here when we can ($10,205 left)- doesn't make sense to sell right now
Water: typically hangs around $60
Electric: has reduced to hang around $200
For all our collections accounts, I have been dedicating a certain amount a month ($300) into it's own account and as I come up with certain amounts I am settling the payments. I know that will hurt me with taxes, but with as much as we are able to get back for the past few years, we may not have to actually owe, if we do I will cash flow it.
Spending Money, Gas, Pets, My School, and Food come out of our individual accounts. H has also been putting in a lot of extra cash to help get us ahead (my fears from before have not been realized, he has surprisingly stepped up significantly more.)
We are saving the remaining of whatever is left in the Joint at the end of the month. We have $1,600 in the Efund now, and obviously plans to add more.
Now my question, H and I can't get pregnant without medical help (which is super expensive and I'm not sure if I want to go through all of that). We have talked about adoption through an agency, but have been on the fence with the way our finances were. My coworkers 19 year old daughter is pregnant for a second time. My coworker has custody of the first baby because the teen could not take care of him. My coworker does not want to have to take care of a second child. The teen currently wants to keep the baby, but we both my coworker and I do not think that will end up happening. H and I really want to adopt this child, so we want to have our ducks in a row if she decides to do that. H and I know to expect your usual infant expenses, attorney fees, and filing fees. Does anyone know what the ballpark costs on those would be and are there any other expenses we aren't thinking of. We have health insurance on both of us now, I am not sure what the cost increase is to add a child.
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Re: Adoption
Satellite is $120 a month total Mom and we split in half, Internet is $50- we cover this, we are the only ones who use it, besides my brother. Phone is $70 between H and I. Total cell phone bill for everyone is like $500 plus including the $70 and $50 (internet) that H and I pay. Mom covers the rest which are hers, my sisters, my sisters boyfriend, and my brother.
I know we were supposed to move into the apartment at the first of the year, so before I get bashed for not doing it- the original rent was supposed to be $600 a month which went up to $1,600 when we were approved.
As far as moving out, I don't see it actually happening for years. Mom's injury in December put her out for a lot longer than it should have and she keeps declining, and we will be the ones to take care of her when she can't work any more. She still owes $80,000 on the house and is 60 years old and has already told us that she is leaving the house to us whether or not we move. So, H and I decided to wait it out here and do improvements to the house so when the worst does happen we can move to somewhere with more land and rent this house out.
On the subject of staying home or working, I really don't know which I would rather do yet. Both have pros and cons. I love working, but daycare is expensive. Mom did ask us about possibly retiring and letting us take over the house earlier and she would take care of baby. My only hang up on that is her health.
We have only been doing this budget since the middle/end of December, so we haven't had the time to really bring up efund and bring down debt, but the baby won't be born today and the bm hasn't decided, so we have some time to do that if we keep on what we are doing.
I would talk to your friend and ask her if she can roughly provide you with what it costs her to provide for the one baby she is already taking care of including food, diapers, clothing (kids go through clothing fast due to growing), toys and child care. Even if your mom retires now, if she has health issues and you have to put the child into daycare before they are into school full time, you need to be able to have the funds for that. I know in my area, my one friend pays $13,000 a year for child care for her two kids, and they aren't in the high end schools either, just middle of the road ones. If something happened with your mom, would you be able to spend the $300-$500 a month a for child care in addition to the regular day to day expenses. It's an ideal situation to be able to adopt this baby but you have to look at the finacial part of it beyond the lawyers.
On a different note, I would probably make an appointment with an adoption attorney in your area to explain to them the situation and find out what your rights are and what the rights of the biological mother and father and biological grandparents are. You should know do any of the biological family members have a right to come back to fight the adoption at a later time. Like if the 19 year old gives up the baby to you and your husband, what if in a few years she has her stuff together & decides she wants her baby back, what rights does (or the father) have? Or what if the biological father isn't currently aware of the baby & a year or two down the road, she tells him & he wants custody of the baby, what could happen? Or even if your friend decides that she thinks the kids are better together then being raised seperateldy & she wants custody of her grandchild. I remember growing up seeing these horrible news stories of people who adopted kids and had raised them as their own only to lose custody of the kids after a few years because one of the biological parents changed their minds. I know it's a scary thing to think of that you would provide a child with a loving & safe home and that someone could rip that all apart, but better to know going in what your rights are and the rights of biological family before it happens.
On the subject of staying home or working, I really don't know which I would rather do yet. Both have pros and cons. I love working, but daycare is expensive. Mom did ask us about possibly retiring and letting us take over the house earlier and she would take care of baby. My only hang up on that is her health.
We have only been doing this budget since the middle/end of December, so we haven't had the time to really bring up efund and bring down debt, but the baby won't be born today and the bm hasn't decided, so we have some time to do that if we keep on what we are doing.
I would never bash you for not moving out; it sounds like a wise decision given the circumstances. But I would urge you not to just resign yourself to living there for years. Some multigenerational family situations work great. You have given the impression with previous posts that this is not one of them. You could live in an apartment nearby and still help out your mom if that's best for you and your H.
I don't know much about adoption logistics, but I tend to agree with April that I would take a few years to get on more solid ground before considering this step. I do wish you the best as you prepare and navigate the process.
You need to be on a better financial footing before you move on.
You have made some good progress paying down debt - keep that focus.
I was an only child and was also sometimes lonely growing up. This is not because I was an only child; it is because my parents are quiet, my dad is very shy, and they weren't fond of taking me to "kid" stuff. Still, they loved me and did their best. Our Thanksgivings are small, but still precious to me and wonderful memories.
Many kids see the grass as greener on the other side. I did sometimes. My best friend from a large family, however, envied my privacy. H is an only with a large extended family, but they don't get along and have had some tough problems. You will be a good parent, and a real family, whenever you have kids because you will love them and do your best for them. If they're younger, maybe they'll adore and be spoiled by their older cousins. The cousin H is closest to is half his age. I wasn't close my cousins growing up, but am now as adults. Heck, my kids won't even have cousins. It's a big bummer, but literally can't be helped.
I don't want to pick on you. A nerve was touched and if I'm overreacting I'm sorry. Just urging you to see outside the box about what a happy, loving family can be.
Also I would not count on the adoption credit - as this was almost cut this year. Who knows what the future brings where taxes are concerned.
Your question on the animal allergies bugs me, food allergies too, how does this have any relevance to being ready or planning for adoption? I certainly cannot be the only person to have pets before babies. Obviously the needs of the child come first and we will make whatever accommodations necessary.