I need to be more trusting

Re: I need to be more trusting

• FirstMate06 member

  

  April 2015

  I see myself doing this sometimes because I am impatient and feel like I nag my H sometimes if things aren't done on time/when I want them done. Sometimes these things are important and time sensitive (paying bills on time, etc) but sometimes they aren't (garage organizing, etc). You should think about how important/urgent these things are and make sure that you're not being too uptight. I'm guilty of this sometimes.

  I would have a calm but serious discussion with your spouse to voice your concerns to explain the significance and potential consequences of procrastinating to your spouse.. Maybe even write out a "to do" list if that would help and offer your assistance if they are having trouble or dragging their feet. I've learned that it is definitely better to be non-confrontational but it doesn't hurt to approach the subject to them with "I'm sorry and I feel like I am nagging you constantly but paying off these student loans are important for our financial standing and key to setting us up for success in the future."

  Try to make your expectations as clear as possible, but try not to be overly demanding and approach the subject as a partner and teammate, not as an attack.

  It's also worth considering your spouse's reasons for putting things off. Maybe there is an underlying issue: financial problems, stress, exhaustion from work, etc.

  Good luck!

   

  

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• Melliewood member

  

  April 2015

  Well, they said they would get the student loan things done soon but they have been stressed out after recovering from a surgery and all. I guess I haven't seen anything in the mail that should cause me to worry...yet. I just don't want to over whelm them since they just got out of a major knee surgery and is looking to go back to work in May. 

  
  

  I also seem to create a lot of "what if" problems in my head. 

  Mellie

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• GilliC member

  

  April 2015

  My SO always forgets to do things. Basically I categorize things into three groups:

  - Things with a deadline that affect me (directly or indirectly). This is for things like booking plane tickets, paying bills, washing the dishes (Hello mold), etc.

  - Things with a deadline that do not affect me. e.g. Filing work paperwork, signing up for an activity that I'm not doing, etc.

  - Things without a deadline.

  
  

  The second two groups aren't really a big deal. For the second group, I might remind him a few times if I remember, because I know he'd be sad with himself if he missed the deadline. The third group is his own problem.

  
  

  For the first group, it becomes a balancing act of reminding him without nagging. After some things came down to the wire, we talked about it, and I told him that I wanted to remind him, but I didn't want to become annoying. For him, it wasn't a problem, so now I just remind him whenever I myself remember. If it's something super important, I will keep track of it, and if it comes down the wire, I'll offer to help.

  
  

  In general, I think it's just important to stop and think what the realistic outcome will be if the thing doesn't get done. If that would be bad enough, have a discussion with your spouse about how you can remind him/her without becoming a nag. A good way to remind and check up might be something like, "Hey, how is that blah-blah-blah coming along? Is there anything you could use my help with?"

  
  

  If you're worried about waiting to the last minute, try to set your own milestones. e.g. "I know this paperwork is due on Apr 30th, but I'm extremely nervous about it because it could cost us a lot if it doesn't get done in time. Could we set a target to have it done by the 15th, in case something unexpected comes up?"

  

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• Melliewood member

  

  April 2015

  Well, there is nothing with a deadline at this moment in time. Just paying stuff off without things getting out of hand. I might need to talk to them again when the stress from getting back to work post-surgery has calmed down. 

  
  

  Every month I make an excel spreadsheet with a bills break down. I think in May I will also add a to-do/goal list at the end as a gentle hint/reminder. 

  
  

  Mellie

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• GilliC member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  Melliewood said:

  Well, there is nothing with a deadline at this moment in time. Just paying stuff off without things getting out of hand. I might need to talk to them again when the stress from getting back to work post-surgery has calmed down. 

  
  

  Every month I make an excel spreadsheet with a bills break down. I think in May I will also add a to-do/goal list at the end as a gentle hint/reminder. 

  
  

  Be sure to talk about it too. He/She may not recognize how and why it's bothering you. It's probably worth having a discussion just to explain your concerns about the unfinished items and to make a plan for how and when to address them.

  

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• Melliewood member

  

  April 2015

  I have talked to them and they said not to worry. They just want to get over the hump of having surgery and getting back to work. They also have side work they need to get done (they are a paid artist on the side). So there is a lot on their plate.

  Mellie

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