Finally doing an intro!

splotch716 · July 2015

I’m finally doing an intro after three years of lurking. My DH and I have been married almost two years. We just had our first LO in December. I brought a lot of debt into our marriage. As a result we have chosen to keep our money separate. He makes significantly more than I do but if I need anything I just let him know. We split all of our common bills and groceries.

When I got out of college I had almost $20,000 in credit card debt and $28,000 in student loan debt. I started working with consumer credit counseling through my credit union for free in January 2012. I am happy to say this November I will have that $20,000 in credit card debt paid off!! This is huge for me as my take home pay has been between $20,000-$27,000, being at the lower end now.

I have been listening to Dave Ramsey since March. I read TMM last year. I have been using everydollar.com since it came out. I’ve also been trying to get my DH on board but he is very resistant. He wants to spend all of his money to travel before he gets to old. I was able to get him to sign up for every dollar and do a loose budget, very unattainable, but it is a start.

My next goal is to get my $1000 emergency fund saved. Over three months I have been able to save almost $700. After that I have a capital one card that has a balance of $3000. By June of 2016 it should be paid off! Then I will tackle my student loan debt of $24,000. My goal is to have this paid off by August 2020.

I am also an extreme couponer, which happened initially out of necessity. Now it is both fun and somewhat of a necessity.

I have learned so much while lurking here. I appreciate everyone's different perspectives and valuable information. I have definitely become more MM in the last few years. Thank you for having me!

blondie42107 · July 2015

Welcome! This is a great board.

I'm curious. H and I have always had all joint accounts since we were married. How do you and your H keep separate finances? Do you split bills 50/50? Do you buy vehicles based on your separate finances? You mentioned that he likes to travel, do you travel with him? You mentioned he makes quite a bit more than you. In all honesty, I'm just curious how this works. I have coworker who's in a similar situation - her H makes way more than she does and they keep separate finances as well.

FirstMate06 · July 2015

Welcome!! Congrats on your MM successes so far. I started following this board not too long ago and really like the different opinions, accountability and inspiration to stick with MM goals.

I'd love to hear any couponing tips you can share! I usually clip my local store coupons, use coupons .com and download store apps for e-coupons but that's the limit of my couponing.

vlagrl29 · July 2015

I don't like keeping separate finances which is why we are joint on everything but IRAs and business accounts. BUT I do understand why your DH wanted separate finances considering your debt at the time. Great job on paying off as much as you have thus far!

brij2006 · July 2015

Welcome! Congratulations on paying off the credit card debt. That is awesome!

We're fellow Dave Ramsey followers as well, and love what his plan has done to our life. I really hope that you can get your DH to at least read the book or listen to his podcasts/radio show. It is a wonderful thing when you're both on board with his teachings.

Xstatic3333 · July 2015

Welcome! Good job on your progress! I hope you and H can come to a consensus on working together. Traveling and budgeting aren't mutually exclusive!

KatieCutie05 · July 2015

Welcome! I'm also a DR follower and I love everydollar. I'd love to hear how you do your extreme couponing. I would love to do that.

I hope you can get your DH on board. Going through FPU together would be worth the investment if you can get him to go. I don't think that little bit of debt is a good reason to keep finances separate. I brought a lot more debt then that into our marriage and we discovered quickly that keeping things separate only caused more fights. There was no way to keep him from being "punished" by my student loans- we tried. The only way to do it was to embrace it and take it on so we had 2 incomes fighting it instead of one so we could both get out of it sooner. It hasn't always been easy but I can't imagine trying to do this separate. Dave Ramsey is BIG on joint accounts and spouses working together.

dragonstarjk · July 2015

Welcome!

splotch716 · July 2015

blondie42107 said:

Welcome! This is a great board. I'm curious. H and I have always had all joint accounts since we were married. How do you and your H keep separate finances? Do you split bills 50/50? Do you buy vehicles based on your separate finances? You mentioned that he likes to travel, do you travel with him? You mentioned he makes quite a bit more than you. In all honesty, I'm just curious how this works. I have coworker who's in a similar situation - her H makes way more than she does and they keep separate finances as well.

It can be difficult at times. Sometimes I find myself frustrated because he has so much more money than me. Usually I just need to be reminded that if I legitimately need something to just let him know. Sometimes he gets frustrated because I can't afford to contribute to travel or child care. When this happens I show him my bills, take home pay, and budget. Then he realizes how much more he makes.

We do split all household bills 50-50. He does pay for LO's child care 100% because I can't afford it. My MIL watches her 4 days a week and only charges $500. Once I make more she wants to charge $700 but put $350 away in a savings account for LO. He also pays for any eating out that we do together. He does pay for all travel because he wants to share the experience.

We are a one car family and both had vehicles coming into the relationship. My vehicle needed a lot of work done to it that wasn't cost effective. So I donated it to charity and let them know of the issues. When I do get another vehicle it will either be in cash or a hefty down payment on a decent, reliable car.

splotch716 · July 2015

FirstMate06 said:

Welcome!! Congrats on your MM successes so far. I started following this board not too long ago and really like the different opinions, accountability and inspiration to stick with MM goals.
I'd love to hear any couponing tips you can share! I usually clip my local store coupons, use coupons .com and download store apps for e-coupons but that's the limit of my couponing.

I guess I'm stuck in the box. I have no idea how to get out.

My favorite website for couponing is thekrazycouponlady.com. They match up all the weekly ads with available coupons. My favorite place to coupon is at Target. I can stack manufacturer, target, and cartwheel coupons all at once. Cartwheel is awesome! What some people don't realize is that you don't have to have a smart phone to use it. You can go online, add deals, and print out your barcode. The barcode never changes. This means you can change your offers online and keep the same barcode in your wallet so you're never without it. I've saved over $400 using it in 2 years. I also get my newspapers from the dollar store on Saturdays for $1 each. I have also had great success writing to companies about their product, especially if I didn't like it. They usually give me more coupons than the number of items I had originally purchased.

simplyelise · July 2015

KatieCutie05 said:

Welcome! I'm also a DR follower and I love everydollar. I'd love to hear how you do your extreme couponing. I would love to do that.

I hope you can get your DH on board. Going through FPU together would be worth the investment if you can get him to go. I don't think that little bit of debt is a good reason to keep finances separate. I brought a lot more debt then that into our marriage and we discovered quickly that keeping things separate only caused more fights. There was no way to keep him from being "punished" by my student loans- we tried. The only way to do it was to embrace it and take it on so we had 2 incomes fighting it instead of one so we could both get out of it sooner. It hasn't always been easy but I can't imagine trying to do this separate. Dave Ramsey is BIG on joint accounts and spouses working together.

Agree with this completely. DH and I are Dave Ramsey followers and when we got married, I had $0 in debt and about $8000 in savings. DH had about $53k in debt and $800 in savings. Technically we put our honeymoon rental car and hotels on an interest free credit card, but that was only so that DH didn't feel bad if I paid for everything. After the wedding, my money was his, so we both paid for the honeymoon a couple weeks later

As the debt-free spouse and the spouse that makes more (not by much, but my job also provides the health insurance for free), my honest feeling is that people need to suck it up when they get married and fully buy in. It would be one thing if you were still spending money and racking up CC debt, but you've rocked it in paying off debt. I'm guessing since it's also "his car" that's why you commute 2-3 hours by bus while he commutes by car only 1/2 mile? He won't even contribute to helping you buy a vehicle so that you don't miss out on precious time with him and your baby?

Sorry to get bogged down by that, it just seems like you're doing SO well trying to tackle this debt and you've learned all the lessons you could possibly learn, so why not work together?

bmo88 · July 2015

Welcome to the board. It sounds like you have a lot of good things going, but it might be worth considering combining finances in the future to allow you some breathing room. We had a similar situation and have figured things out now.

DH and I technically have separate checking accounts, a joint savings account (efund), but we consider everything as joint finances (debt and savings). We have been together for 12 years, but got married 2 years ago. We did separate finances before marriage, but this is our situation in terms of finances:

Me:

I make 2/3 of our income (I have made more for the past 3 years)
I came into marriage with $10,000 in student debt (now it's $442)
I had $10,000 in savings

DH:

Brings in almost 1/3 of our income
Came into marriage with $30,000 in student loan debt (now it's $18,000)
Had $700 in savings

When we combined our finances (not all of our accounts though) it was such a relief. We stopped keeping tabs on who bought what, who "owed" each other and whether or not it was "fair."

I help him pay off his loans because its our financial future together. The sooner the debt is gone, regardless of who has it, the sooner we can both save and work toward joint financial goals. Honestly, that's what a partnership and a relationship is about: working together.

I can understand separate accounts, but I honestly don't understand separate finances, especially when their is a discrepancy in income or someone is struggling to cover their part.

splotch716 · July 2015

I have talked with DH about combining our finances to get debt paid off faster. I have tried to explain that the faster we get it paid off, the less interest we will have, and we will be able to do more with more money quicker. He said he would read TMM but never did when I got it from the library. I will be purchasing it on audio so that him and my mom can listen to it. I have discussed FPU with him. He is willing to do it for me but he doesn't want to pay for it. I will budget it in when I get a better idea of my monthly income with my new job.

Another issue is that I don't hold him accountable for what he spends money on. We have recently started having accountability meetings on Sundays. So far it has been ok. Once he sees how much he spends where maybe he will be more on board with budgeting and getting debt paid off.

As far as the one vehicle goes it wouldn't make sense for me to take the car. I currently work in a large downtown city where parking would be anywhere from $12-$18 day with an early bird special. Otherwise it would be at least $4 per hour, $32 a day. So it wouldn't make financial sense. I would also probably spend the same amount of time in traffic due to rush hour traffic. At least on the bus I can read or sleep.

I don't want a car payment is part of the issue. I've never had one and don't want to start now.

This new job will bring so many more opportunities for us as a family and to get my debt paid off.

bmo88 · July 2015

OP, you are a very patient person. I applaud your commitment to getting your finances in order and sticking to it, I really do.

I do worry though about your husbands lack of flexibility and non-team member attitude toward finances. Finances can become a major cause of stress and strife in a relationship. Your DH doesn't seem to want to face your family's situation as a team and that isn't fair. You seem to be taking a good approach and I would encourage you to keep doing so.

Best of luck OP!

vlagrl29 · July 2015

bmo88 said:

OP, you are a very patient person. I applaud your commitment to getting your finances in order and sticking to it, I really do.

I do worry though about your husbands lack of flexibility and non-team member attitude toward finances. Finances can become a major cause of stress and strife in a relationship. Your DH doesn't seem to want to face your family's situation as a team and that isn't fair. You seem to be taking a good approach and I would encourage you to keep doing so.

Best of luck OP!

I have to agree with this as well. My first H and I had separate accounts not by my choice but his. He made really decent money and I barely made anything and he wanted to keep all his money to himself. It was a pain and I didn't have the cc debt OP does. Marriages work so much better if both people think of it as team work.

splotch716 · July 2015

I'm slowly getting him on board with budgeting and being MM, it is a process. I think now that I was offered a higher paying job today he feels a little bit better about the financial situation.

KatieCutie05 · July 2015

OP - try working up a household budget using both of your incomes - budgetting in some money for whats important to him... and paying debt...and show him exactly what the situation would look like if you were both just working at it together. Maybe he'd "get it" if he saw it on paper.

jessica490 · July 2015

Welcome! You will learn a lot from this board

brij2006 · July 2015

If your H is willing to go through TMM, then I recommend you pay for it and you both go together. It will help him understand why it's so important to combine finances and be on the same page together.

Finally doing an intro!

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