Housewarming potluck, no gifts required. Is this appropriate?

userwithquestions · August 2015

I just bought a home and I'm thinking of doing a potluck, where each guest brings a dish to contribute, instead of a gift. I figure that I have everything I need for the home, and if I do need anything else, I'd rather get it myself. One person thought it was ridiculous that a housewarming could ever be a potluck, but the rest of my other friends say that housewarming parties are always potluck style. What are your thoughts?

sindala · August 2015

I think potluck is a great idea. We've always tried to create our own styles and if people give you things you might still have to use them... And it usually puts people under a lot of pressure to find the right gift. Potluck is always good

BlueBirdMB · August 2015

Gifts are never required and should not even be expected for a housewarming so the dish in place of a gift, when the gift shouldn't be expected at such an event... is rude. You are basically hosting a party that's all about you already, but now you expect others to cater it? That rubs me the wrong way.

We had a housewarming party and did it in the afternoon so there wouldn't be a meal needed and had lots of snacks and cold cut platters. It wasn't very expensive. Also, we only got a few small things as gifts- a plant, picture frame, etc- and most people just brought a bottle of wine (more like a hostess gift).

AprilZ81 · August 2015

No. Potlucks are almost always tacky but especially so when you are "hosting" a party that is to show off a new house.

A house warming party can be super casual and if you have an open house style event in the afternoon then you can get buy with snacks.

We did our house warming from 1-5 on a Saturday. We had chips & dip, veggie tray, crock pot meatballs, crock pot BBQ cocktail weiners, cheese and crackers, cookies, wine (left over from our wedding), beer and water. It wasn't that expensive and there was enough food for people to make a meal if they wanted to.

PasserinaCiris425 · September 2015

Agreed with Sindala. I'm always unsure whether the recipient will like the gift I buy for them, and if they don't like it, it would be a waste of money getting them the gift. I also don't want to accidentally buy duplicates of what they might already have, which would also be a waste of time and money finding/buying the gift. Bringing a dish is simple, and takes the stress off the host! In all the house parties and events I've been to here in NYC, all the guests chip in so the host doesn't have to go broke, or be stressed out with all the preparation work. Not every social circle has a host that is made of money and can pay for everything, so I think this is a smart way to party and spend valuable time with friends!

PasserinaCiris425 · September 2015

@BlueBirdMB - Are you saying it's okay for guests to show up empty-handed to a housewarming? Is that what you would do, because the host requested for a dish, instead of a gift?

Mangosteen72 · September 2015

By Wikipedia's definition, "Smaller, more informal get-togethers with distributed food preparation may also be called potlucks. [...] However, recent times have seen the growth of themed induced dinners for parties or special occasions." So whether the housewarming event is considered casual or a special occasion, yes - it's perfectly ok to have a housewarming potluck.

I also think it's very selfish and inconsiderate for guests to expect the host to pay for everything and provide all the food. It puts a lot of stress on one person, and if this archaic practice continues, why would anyone want to host parties in the future? Potlucks are a great way to celebrate. It's efficient, everyone has fun, and no body is going to be broke after the party. Bringing a dish for this housewarming is cheaper and easier than buying a gift, so I think the guests should appreciate this request even more!

AprilZ81 · September 2015

PasserinaCiris425 said:

@BlueBirdMB - Are you saying it's okay for guests to show up empty-handed to a housewarming? Is that what you would do, because the host requested for a dish, instead of a gift?

It isn't tacky to show up empty handed and the decision to bring a gift is up to the giver.

Regardless, the homeowners should properly host the housewarming and not put the expense on their friends. This isn't a back yard BBQ pot-luck or a casual get together to watch a football game, pot-lucks are fine for those events.

Calamondin32 · September 2015

The fact that wedding potlucks exists, makes this housewarming potluck obviously viable. There is nothing wrong with a housewarming potluck.

Calamondin32 · September 2015

AprilZ81 said:

PasserinaCiris425 said:

@BlueBirdMB - Are you saying it's okay for guests to show up empty-handed to a housewarming? Is that what you would do, because the host requested for a dish, instead of a gift?

It isn't tacky to show up empty handed and the decision to bring a gift is up to the giver.

Regardless, the homeowners should properly host the housewarming and not put the expense on their friends. This isn't a back yard BBQ pot-luck or a casual get together to watch a football game, pot-lucks are fine for those events.

I see your point. But according to Wikipedia, as quoted by @Mangosteen72, potlucks are acceptable for special occasions too.

Also, isn't it less stressful and cheaper to bring a dish, than to buy a housewarming gift? I think I'd rather bring a dish, since that's what the host requested.

BlueBirdMB · September 2015

I don't agree that potlucks are acceptable for special occasions. I wouldn't attend such an event because I would believe the host was being rude.

AprilZ81 · September 2015

Calamondin32 said:

The fact that wedding potlucks exists, makes this housewarming potluck obviously viable. There is nothing wrong with a housewarming potluck.

The fact that potluck weddings exists means nothing more than there are some people out there who are rude as hell.

When you invite people to your house for a "formal" event (and I use formal loosely) you need to host them. If someone offers to bring a dish you are welcome to accept their offer, but you don't invite people over and expect them to feed themselves. That is super rude.

AprilZ81 · September 2015

Calamondin32 said:

AprilZ81 said:

PasserinaCiris425 said:

@BlueBirdMB - Are you saying it's okay for guests to show up empty-handed to a housewarming? Is that what you would do, because the host requested for a dish, instead of a gift?

It isn't tacky to show up empty handed and the decision to bring a gift is up to the giver.

Regardless, the homeowners should properly host the housewarming and not put the expense on their friends. This isn't a back yard BBQ pot-luck or a casual get together to watch a football game, pot-lucks are fine for those events.

I see your point. But according to Wikipedia, as quoted by @Mangosteen72, potlucks are acceptable for special occasions too.

Also, isn't it less stressful and cheaper to bring a dish, than to buy a housewarming gift? I think I'd rather bring a dish, since that's what the host requested.

It isn't up to you (general you) to decide how your guests spend their money. They get to decide if they want to give a house warming present or not and if so, what that gift is. A card and kitchen towels or a candle is a heck of a lot easier than having to decide what dish to make, go get the ingredients, make it and worry about transporting it at a safe temperature and then taking a dirty dish home with you at the end of the day.

nightowl37 · September 2015

Potlucks don't always mean you need to cook the dish yourself. You can always buy/pick up entrees, and when they're finished, they get discarded. Done! No dirty dishes to bring home.

AprilZ81 said:
Calamondin32 said:
AprilZ81 said:
PasserinaCiris425 said:
@BlueBirdMB - Are you saying it's okay for guests to show up empty-handed to a housewarming? Is that what you would do, because the host requested for a dish, instead of a gift?
It isn't tacky to show up empty handed and the decision to bring a gift is up to the giver.

Regardless, the homeowners should properly host the housewarming and not put the expense on their friends. This isn't a back yard BBQ pot-luck or a casual get together to watch a football game, pot-lucks are fine for those events.

I see your point. But according to Wikipedia, as quoted by @Mangosteen72, potlucks are acceptable for special occasions too.

Also, isn't it less stressful and cheaper to bring a dish, than to buy a housewarming gift? I think I'd rather bring a dish, since that's what the host requested.
It isn't up to you (general you) to decide how your guests spend their money. They get to decide if they want to give a house warming present or not and if so, what that gift is. A card and kitchen towels or a candle is a heck of a lot easier than having to decide what dish to make, go get the ingredients, make it and worry about transporting it at a safe temperature and then taking a dirty dish home with you at the end of the day.

nightowl37 · September 2015

I agree with Sindala. It's much harder and more stressful finding the right gift for the new homeowner than it is to bring a dish. Showing up with a candle as a gift sounds pretty cheap and unthoughtful, and the host might be concerned with things like, the color and style of the candle not matching their decor. The days of the host expected to provide all the food and entertainment is over. I've been to many house parties where everyone chips in $15-20 each time, to offset the cost of food. The host is no longer expected to pay an arm and leg just to throw a casual party with friends.

Erikan73 · October 2015

I think you should plan the whole menu and if guests happen to ask when they RSVP if there is something they can bring to help out, have a list of things that would help you out and give them a few options to pick from. Or just give them the freedom to choose by saying, if you would like to bring something sweet. Then it doesn't feel like, I have to bring a dish to attend a party at your house that you decided to throw yourself. It feels more like I'm helping a friend out by bringing a dish to share.

Housewarming potluck, no gifts required. Is this appropriate?

Re: Housewarming potluck, no gifts required. Is this appropriate?

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