Interesting article: money and kids

blondie42107 · October 2015

http://time.com/money/4082440/no-kids-too-expensive-no-regrets/?xid=soc_socialflow_facebook_realsimple

I am completely understanding of those that are child free by choice, child free not by choice, those that are one and done, and those that have big families. I'm just really surprised her finances aren't better. They're not horrible but I guess I expected her to have more in retirement, etc.

Xstatic3333 · October 2015

blondie42107 said:
http://time.com/money/4082440/no-kids-too-expensive-no-regrets/?xid=soc_socialflow_facebook_realsimple

I am completely understanding of those that are child free by choice, child free not by choice, those that are one and done, and those that have big families. I'm just really surprised her finances aren't better. They're not horrible but I guess I expected her to have more in retirement, etc.

Maybe she's considering her business equity part of her net worth?

Interesting article. It seems to me, though, like she really skipped kids because it was the right choice for her, not because they are too expensive.

PurpleBookmark · October 2015

Xstatic3333 said:

blondie42107 said:
http://time.com/money/4082440/no-kids-too-expensive-no-regrets/?xid=soc_socialflow_facebook_realsimple

I am completely understanding of those that are child free by choice, child free not by choice, those that are one and done, and those that have big families. I'm just really surprised her finances aren't better. They're not horrible but I guess I expected her to have more in retirement, etc.
Maybe she's considering her business equity part of her net worth?

Interesting article. It seems to me, though, like she really skipped kids because it was the right choice for her, not because they are too expensive.

I agree, I think she really chose not to have kids because she was being true to herself, not necessarily for financial reasons. I'm happy for her that she's happy.

hoffse · October 2015

She doesn't have nearly enough in retirement for her age. H and I will probably surpass that by the time we're both 30, unless she's counting her business as part of her net worth. One thing she has probably lost track of is that if you have a child with a spouse, there's an opportunity to double your income at some point with both of you working. Your expenses increase by some margin, but the big things - like housing - generally stay the same. I also agree it sounds like she didn't have kids because she just didn't want any.

jessica490 · October 2015

Very interesting. Strange that she wont even settle down with a man...there have to be plenty of single men out there in their 40's/50's that don't want to have children at that point....she might have some other issues going on....but I agree with the rest of you.

csuave · October 2015

lol, I actually didn't find the article "interesting." She sounds like many of the highly educated and successful women I know!

The one part that caught my attention was where she said she was in a serious relationship that might lead to marriage but he wanted kids. I brought up that discussion with H when our relationship was just starting to get serious. I wasn't going to even go down that path if we weren't on the same page (especially at my then age of thirty something).

als1982 · October 2015

jessica490 said:
Very interesting. Strange that she wont even settle down with a man...there have to be plenty of single men out there in their 40's/50's that don't want to have children at that point....she might have some other issues going on....but I agree with the rest of you.

What an antiquated viewpoint. I would never judge a woman for not wanting to have kids or get married. Neither choice is strange nor do they mean that she has 'issues.'

jessica490 · October 2015

als1982 said:

Very interesting. Strange that she wont even settle down with a man...there have to be plenty of single men out there in their 40's/50's that don't want to have children at that point....she might have some other issues going on....but I agree with the rest of you.
What an antiquated viewpoint. I would never judge a woman for not wanting to have kids or get married. Neither choice is strange nor do they mean that she has 'issues.'

I don't think I'm judging her...I just can't imagine being so devoted to your career, that you don't want to share that happiness or success with anyone else...

brij2006 · October 2015

I don't know, articles like this frustrate me. It's like she's trying to say that if you have kids your financial and personal life are doomed. Yes, it was a decision she feels works for her, but it's like she's trying to justify it to herself by partaking in this article.

Also, only $125k in retirement at age 50 when you make 6 figures a year? Sorry, but she's not that "well off" for not having the financial burden of kids.

als1982 · October 2015

jessica490 said:

als1982 said:

jessica490 said:
Very interesting. Strange that she wont even settle down with a man...there have to be plenty of single men out there in their 40's/50's that don't want to have children at that point....she might have some other issues going on....but I agree with the rest of you.
What an antiquated viewpoint. I would never judge a woman for not wanting to have kids or get married. Neither choice is strange nor do they mean that she has 'issues.'

I don't think I'm judging her...I just can't imagine being so devoted to your career, that you don't want to share that happiness or success with anyone else...

Who says she's not sharing her happiness and success with others? She likely has close friends and possibly other family, plus hobbies and personal passions on which to spend her money. Just like babies, you don't need a man to live a fulfilled life.

smerka · October 2015

hoffse said:

She doesn't have nearly enough in retirement for her age. H and I will probably surpass that by the time we're both 30, unless she's counting her business as part of her net worth. One thing she has probably lost track of is that if you have a child with a spouse, there's an opportunity to double your income at some point with both of you working. Your expenses increase by some margin, but the big things - like housing - generally stay the same. I also agree it sounds like she didn't have kids because she just didn't want any.

I agree that she doesn't have enough money in retirement, but it also isn't fair to compare her to you Hoffse. She probably wasn't making even close to $100,000 in her 20's, 30's, and maybe even her 40's. I find it interesting that I read that article totally differently. This is a woman who didn't want kids and made life decisions with that in mind. I don't think she once thought of money when making the decision to not have kids. She is just trying to justify her decision. I have no idea why this article is on a website about money.

Xstatic3333 · October 2015

jessica490 said:

als1982 said:

jessica490 said:
Very interesting. Strange that she wont even settle down with a man...there have to be plenty of single men out there in their 40's/50's that don't want to have children at that point....she might have some other issues going on....but I agree with the rest of you.
What an antiquated viewpoint. I would never judge a woman for not wanting to have kids or get married. Neither choice is strange nor do they mean that she has 'issues.'

I don't think I'm judging her...I just can't imagine being so devoted to your career, that you don't want to share that happiness or success with anyone else...

She addresses this at the end of the article. She says she's open to marriage, but never met the right person (yet?)

That said, I've got a few good friends in their 40s who are "confirmed single" and very happy. The diving world attracts a lot of these types; it's a tough sport to balance with family life and provides a built in community. They have no judgement from me and I'm glad they are happy :-)

simplyelise · October 2015

brij2006 said:

I don't know, articles like this frustrate me. It's like she's trying to say that if you have kids your financial and personal life are doomed. Yes, it was a decision she feels works for her, but it's like she's trying to justify it to herself by partaking in this article.

Also, only $125k in retirement at age 50 when you make 6 figures a year? Sorry, but she's not that "well off" for not having the financial burden of kids.

That's how I read it too. I'm completely sold on the "you do you" aspect of relationships and family decisions. Saying, this is how I live my life and it's worked great for me is just fine. But it does feel like she's saying it would be impossible to have children and be successful in business and finances in general, not just in her situation. She's making it into a choice and feeding into the "you can't have it all" ethos.

It's a perfectly valid choice not to have kids or get married, and maybe for this woman it enabled her to have a specific lifestyle that she knows she wouldn't have had if she had chosen a family. But there are plenty of options for career-driven women. In a two-income family you could have a full-time nanny or daycare covered easily. Or if the spouse is more of a "kid person", they could stay home part time or full time in order to facilitate the career lifestyle. People need to stop giving her a hard time for her life choices and she needs to stop justifying her life choices by judging them as better or more career-focused than others' choices.

Also yeah, 125k when she's been making six figures is a bit ridiculous. She must be planning on selling the business as part of retirement.

cbee817 · October 2015

$125K at 51 years old and making 6 figures a year!? I have that much in just my 401K and Roth IRA (not even counting my pension) and am 34, do not make 6 figures a year, and have 2 kids (1 in full time day care and 1 in after school program- costing us about $1,200/month). That doesn't even count what DH has in his 403b, Roth IRA, and pension (He also does not make 6 figures a year).

I think this is a silly article- no one cares if you have kids or not- it's a personal choice and if you're smart about your money, you'll be just fine whether you have 0, 1, 2, 3, etc kids.

als1982 · October 2015

cbee817 said:
$125K at 51 years old and making 6 figures a year!? I have that much in just my 401K and Roth IRA (not even counting my pension) and am 34, do not make 6 figures a year, and have 2 kids (1 in full time day care and 1 in after school program- costing us about $1,200/month). That doesn't even count what DH has in his 403b, Roth IRA, and pension (He also does not make 6 figures a year).

I think this is a silly article- no one cares if you have kids or not- it's a personal choice and if you're smart about your money, you'll be just fine whether you have 0, 1, 2, 3, etc kids.

I agree that she doesn't have enough money saved, but again I think don't think it's appropriate to compare our financial situations to hers for a variety of reasons, including the fact that she comes from a generation that believed that their retirement would be largely funded by Social Security, unlike those of us now in our 20s and 30s. I also think many here have failed to understand the significant financial benefit of two income earners sharing the same bed. Having two persons to pay a single mortgage, utilities, etc. is HUGE. The slight increase for a little extra water for two showers or electricity for a shaver plus a hairdryer is negligible. Of course a dual income family has more money to save, since they're not both shelling out hundreds or thousands of dollars a month on separate living spaces.

blondie42107 · October 2015

I found this part interesting, because I work with the aging population and I see so many people in their late 50s and 60s moving back in with their parents to care for them AND because they don't have the funds to retire or retire but are broke.

"And a great deal more are paying for their kids’ weddings, embracing grandkids, or supporting Millennial children who are returning to the nest."

jessica490 · October 2015

als1982 said:

$125K at 51 years old and making 6 figures a year!? I have that much in just my 401K and Roth IRA (not even counting my pension) and am 34, do not make 6 figures a year, and have 2 kids (1 in full time day care and 1 in after school program- costing us about $1,200/month). That doesn't even count what DH has in his 403b, Roth IRA, and pension (He also does not make 6 figures a year).

I think this is a silly article- no one cares if you have kids or not- it's a personal choice and if you're smart about your money, you'll be just fine whether you have 0, 1, 2, 3, etc kids.
I agree that she doesn't have enough money saved, but again I think don't think it's appropriate to compare our financial situations to hers for a variety of reasons, including the fact that she comes from a generation that believed that their retirement would be largely funded by Social Security, unlike those of us now in our 20s and 30s. I also think many here have failed to understand the significant financial benefit of two income earners sharing the same bed. Having two persons to pay a single mortgage, utilities, etc. is HUGE. The slight increase for a little extra water for two showers or electricity for a shaver plus a hairdryer is negligible. Of course a dual income family has more money to save, since they're not both shelling out hundreds or thousands of dollars a month on separate living spaces.

More reason to get married LOL. More power to her for wanting to be married to her career....

vlagrl29 · October 2015

Thats great she's doing what she has always wanted to do. I too think there should be more in her retirement but maybe she has other investments that will provide for her when she retires. Personally I've always wanted a family with kids. Sure we could save more $$ if we didn't have any but we still manage to save regardless. Family is more important to me than money ever would be.

hoffse · October 2015

Yeah, maybe not fair to compare her to our situation. But she strikes me as one of those people who thinks "Great! I have $100K+, I'm good!" As I read her article, she seems proud of her numbers.

No, she's not good. She's probably a couple million behind if she wants to maintain or increase her standard of living in retirement. You don't have to make 6-figures in your 20's and 30's to have a multi-million dollar retirement portfolio. You just have to save early and often.

Also, I help sell businesses for a living. I do quite a bit of M&A. Hopefully she can make that work as part of her portfolio, but to say the ball is not completely in her court on that would be a massive understatement. A sub-$1M business would give her virtually no leverage as the seller. Even if she got what SHE thinks is the full value of the business (and I find that sellers often over-value their businesses in their head), it's barely on the edge of being enough for her to retire on time.

cbee817 · October 2015

I think it would be nice to have a counterpoint article that says:

"I do have kids and even though there are expenses, I have no regrets"

and have a list of the same financial, professional, personal successes that the family has.

KAdams767 · October 2015

simplyelise said:

brij2006 said:

I don't know, articles like this frustrate me. It's like she's trying to say that if you have kids your financial and personal life are doomed. Yes, it was a decision she feels works for her, but it's like she's trying to justify it to herself by partaking in this article.

Also, only $125k in retirement at age 50 when you make 6 figures a year? Sorry, but she's not that "well off" for not having the financial burden of kids.

That's how I read it too. I'm completely sold on the "you do you" aspect of relationships and family decisions. Saying, this is how I live my life and it's worked great for me is just fine. But it does feel like she's saying it would be impossible to have children and be successful in business and finances in general, not just in her situation. She's making it into a choice and feeding into the "you can't have it all" ethos.

It's a perfectly valid choice not to have kids or get married, and maybe for this woman it enabled her to have a specific lifestyle that she knows she wouldn't have had if she had chosen a family. But there are plenty of options for career-driven women. In a two-income family you could have a full-time nanny or daycare covered easily. Or if the spouse is more of a "kid person", they could stay home part time or full time in order to facilitate the career lifestyle. People need to stop giving her a hard time for her life choices and she needs to stop justifying her life choices by judging them as better or more career-focused than others' choices.

Also yeah, 125k when she's been making six figures is a bit ridiculous. She must be planning on selling the business as part of retirement.

I don't know, I don't think the bolded is really fair either. DH and I don't have kids and are still on the fence about whether or not to have them, as we both work long hours and travel a lot for our jobs. Just because we can easily afford kids and pay the expense of daycare and/or a nanny doesn't make it any easier of a decision. When it comes down to it, I don't think most people envision themselves as a hands-off parent, who won't be able to go to Little League games or piano recitals, or who will regularly miss bedtime during the week. And that's reality for a lot of career driven people, male or female, and it's worse with couples who are both career driven, IMO.

julieanne912 · October 2015

KAdams767 said:

simplyelise said:

brij2006 said:

I don't know, articles like this frustrate me. It's like she's trying to say that if you have kids your financial and personal life are doomed. Yes, it was a decision she feels works for her, but it's like she's trying to justify it to herself by partaking in this article.

Also, only $125k in retirement at age 50 when you make 6 figures a year? Sorry, but she's not that "well off" for not having the financial burden of kids.

That's how I read it too. I'm completely sold on the "you do you" aspect of relationships and family decisions. Saying, this is how I live my life and it's worked great for me is just fine. But it does feel like she's saying it would be impossible to have children and be successful in business and finances in general, not just in her situation. She's making it into a choice and feeding into the "you can't have it all" ethos.

It's a perfectly valid choice not to have kids or get married, and maybe for this woman it enabled her to have a specific lifestyle that she knows she wouldn't have had if she had chosen a family. But there are plenty of options for career-driven women. In a two-income family you could have a full-time nanny or daycare covered easily. Or if the spouse is more of a "kid person", they could stay home part time or full time in order to facilitate the career lifestyle. People need to stop giving her a hard time for her life choices and she needs to stop justifying her life choices by judging them as better or more career-focused than others' choices.

Also yeah, 125k when she's been making six figures is a bit ridiculous. She must be planning on selling the business as part of retirement.

I don't know, I don't think the bolded is really fair either. DH and I don't have kids and are still on the fence about whether or not to have them, as we both work long hours and travel a lot for our jobs. Just because we can easily afford kids and pay the expense of daycare and/or a nanny doesn't make it any easier of a decision. When it comes down to it, I don't think most people envision themselves as a hands-off parent, who won't be able to go to Little League games or piano recitals, or who will regularly miss bedtime during the week. And that's reality for a lot of career driven people, male or female, and it's worse with couples who are both career driven, IMO.

This is so true. We've decided to have one kid but I already know my career will suffer for it. It doesn't HAVE to, but if I'm going to have a kid, I'm going to go at it 100% if at all possible. That means maybe leaving work early sometimes to catch a recital, or being the one to stay home when the kid is sick. Those are all things that could affect my career.

Also, with costs of daycare, it's not always easy to cover it, even with two incomes. Now, we have more debt than we should, but the cost of full time daycare for an infant in my area is almost an entire paycheck for me. So basically, more than we can really afford technically, but not so much that dropping to part time or no work at all would make sense. I'm 33 so I can't wait around forever to have a kid so we're just going to go for it and figure it out.

Mustard76 · October 2015

I find it interesting the different tones in which people have read this. I did not read it as her saying other people "can't have it all," I read it as her not wanting to. Clearly, we're all reading this with our own experiences and world views. I think it's natural to use your own life as a benchmark, especially when you feel as if you're doing well. Natural, but unfair.

@cbee817 I also think it's really unfair to say that no one cares if you have kids. I cannot tell you how many people have pried into my life asking about kids. Yes, it is a personal decision 100%. And it is nobody's business if I plan to have them. But that doesn't stop people from asking my procreation plans and then telling me that I'll change my mind. Nor does it stop my in-laws from asking for grandkids. It doesn't bother me, only because I'm used to it. But from someone who doesn't want kids, it sure does seem like a WHOLE lot of people care.

cbee817 · October 2015

Mustard76 said:

I find it interesting the different tones in which people have read this. I did not read it as her saying other people "can't have it all," I read it as her not wanting to. Clearly, we're all reading this with our own experiences and world views. I think it's natural to use your own life as a benchmark, especially when you feel as if you're doing well. Natural, but unfair. @cbee817 I also think it's really unfair to say that no one cares if you have kids. I cannot tell you how many people have pried into my life asking about kids. Yes, it is a personal decision 100%. And it is nobody's business if I plan to have them. But that doesn't stop people from asking my procreation plans and then telling me that I'll change my mind. Nor does it stop my in-laws from asking for grandkids. It doesn't bother me, only because I'm used to it. But from someone who doesn't want kids, it sure does seem like a WHOLE lot of people care.

Yeah but in the grand scheme of things, no one really cares.. they're just asking you because it's what people do/they're nosy/have nothing else to talk about. If you do have a kid, the next thing they'll ask is "when is the next one coming?" because it's the what people do/they're nosy/have nothing else to talk about...

julieanne912 · October 2015

cbee817 said:

Mustard76 said:

I find it interesting the different tones in which people have read this. I did not read it as her saying other people "can't have it all," I read it as her not wanting to. Clearly, we're all reading this with our own experiences and world views. I think it's natural to use your own life as a benchmark, especially when you feel as if you're doing well. Natural, but unfair. @cbee817 I also think it's really unfair to say that no one cares if you have kids. I cannot tell you how many people have pried into my life asking about kids. Yes, it is a personal decision 100%. And it is nobody's business if I plan to have them. But that doesn't stop people from asking my procreation plans and then telling me that I'll change my mind. Nor does it stop my in-laws from asking for grandkids. It doesn't bother me, only because I'm used to it. But from someone who doesn't want kids, it sure does seem like a WHOLE lot of people care.

Yeah but in the grand scheme of things, no one really cares.. they're just asking you because it's what people do/they're nosy/have nothing else to talk about. If you do have a kid, the next thing they'll ask is "when is the next one coming?" because it's the what people do/they're nosy/have nothing else to talk about...

I dunno, my mother sure cares whether I have a kid or not. My brother has already stated he's never having kids, and he's older than I am, so she's kind of all over me about us having just the one. I'm not saying it's right, but other people DO care about my hypothetical kid.

ETA: When you tell people you are just having one kid, almost everyone says "Oh you'll change your mind, you'll want another one after you have the first" or "Won't your one kid get lonely? They'll need a sibling". So, for people who "don't care", they sure are opinionated about it.

brij2006 · October 2015

julieanne912 said:

KAdams767 said:

simplyelise said:

brij2006 said:

I don't know, articles like this frustrate me. It's like she's trying to say that if you have kids your financial and personal life are doomed. Yes, it was a decision she feels works for her, but it's like she's trying to justify it to herself by partaking in this article.

Also, only $125k in retirement at age 50 when you make 6 figures a year? Sorry, but she's not that "well off" for not having the financial burden of kids.

That's how I read it too. I'm completely sold on the "you do you" aspect of relationships and family decisions. Saying, this is how I live my life and it's worked great for me is just fine. But it does feel like she's saying it would be impossible to have children and be successful in business and finances in general, not just in her situation. She's making it into a choice and feeding into the "you can't have it all" ethos.

It's a perfectly valid choice not to have kids or get married, and maybe for this woman it enabled her to have a specific lifestyle that she knows she wouldn't have had if she had chosen a family. But there are plenty of options for career-driven women. In a two-income family you could have a full-time nanny or daycare covered easily. Or if the spouse is more of a "kid person", they could stay home part time or full time in order to facilitate the career lifestyle. People need to stop giving her a hard time for her life choices and she needs to stop justifying her life choices by judging them as better or more career-focused than others' choices.

Also yeah, 125k when she's been making six figures is a bit ridiculous. She must be planning on selling the business as part of retirement.

I don't know, I don't think the bolded is really fair either. DH and I don't have kids and are still on the fence about whether or not to have them, as we both work long hours and travel a lot for our jobs. Just because we can easily afford kids and pay the expense of daycare and/or a nanny doesn't make it any easier of a decision. When it comes down to it, I don't think most people envision themselves as a hands-off parent, who won't be able to go to Little League games or piano recitals, or who will regularly miss bedtime during the week. And that's reality for a lot of career driven people, male or female, and it's worse with couples who are both career driven, IMO.

This is so true. We've decided to have one kid but I already know my career will suffer for it. It doesn't HAVE to, but if I'm going to have a kid, I'm going to go at it 100% if at all possible. That means maybe leaving work early sometimes to catch a recital, or being the one to stay home when the kid is sick. Those are all things that could affect my career.

Also, with costs of daycare, it's not always easy to cover it, even with two incomes. Now, we have more debt than we should, but the cost of full time daycare for an infant in my area is almost an entire paycheck for me. So basically, more than we can really afford technically, but not so much that dropping to part time or no work at all would make sense. I'm 33 so I can't wait around forever to have a kid so we're just going to go for it and figure it out.

It really is a double edged sword.
My H and I are very career driven people. He gets up at 3am to go to work, and if I want to earn more I have to work more/harder to get more commissions and bonuses. We do not have any debt, and could afford for one of us to stay home. But we don't want to miss out on the extra money to go toward retirement, travel, experiences, house upgrades, etc.

So in the end, we pay someone to watch our DD during the day. It really depends on your viewpoint. The person who watches her treats her like her own and we never once feel like she's raising our child for us. We're both working parents who love our careers and love our child. Our faces probably light up more than hers when we pick her up at night.
Now, we are HUGE on when we are home with DD, we spend time together. We aren't on our phones, aren't answering work e-mails, none of it. The 1.5 hours every night between when we get home and when she goes to bed is all time for the 3 of us and to sit at the table for dinner. The minute she is in bed, you will find us working again or getting things done. It's just engraved in us. We're hard workers, career oriented.

Many people may think we're horrible parents because H see's DD 1.5 hours every day, and I see her for about 2.5 total (I do dropoff to the sitter). But I'm not a mother first. Yes, I would take a bullet for her and in the end of the day she comes before my job if they were to ever make me choose between the two. But I'm a working mom, that's what I am. I'm a career and goal oriented person, and that will never change.

Our retirement accounts aren't being sacrificed because we have a child, our debt payoff wasn't hindered, and our travel and experience list stayed the same. Yes, we have the added day care cost, some baby gear, and diapers. But really, it's not like that amount of money would have gone into our retirement accounts if we didn't have a child.

Heck, we are even discussing me branching out and becoming a real estate agent on top of all this. Yes, I would cut back at work once things picked up enough with that, but it would mean 2 years of crazy hectic schedules. But it's important to us so we will make it work.

brij2006 · October 2015

@mustard76 We used to tell people we were on the "5 years to never" plan, in regards to kids. It got people off our backs. We had fertility issues and actually had been trying for well over a year when people started to ask a lot more. But we told people we were going to revisit it in 5 years, but may choose to never have children. We were actually to the point of trying to realign our goals to live a child free life (my H didn't want to pursue treatment).

My how our families were surprised when we told them we were pregnant. My mom would tell people that it was our choice whether or not to have children, because she had given up that we ever would.

Mustard76 · October 2015

brij2006 said:
@mustard76 We used to tell people we were on the "5 years to never" plan, in regards to kids. It got people off our backs. We had fertility issues and actually had been trying for well over a year when people started to ask a lot more. But we told people we were going to revisit it in 5 years, but may choose to never have children. We were actually to the point of trying to realign our goals to live a child free life (my H didn't want to pursue treatment).

My how our families were surprised when we told them we were pregnant. My mom would tell people that it was our choice whether or not to have children, because she had given up that we ever would.

We've been together almost 10 years, so people have been asking forever. It's annoying, but the only ones that actually bother me are my in-laws. Because this isn't new information. I've never wanted kids, and this has been well-known by everyone in my life. H didn't either. And then he turned 30 and changed his mind. So we went into the "whatever happens, happens" camp after many, many hours talking about it. Other people's opinions on whether or not I'll change my mind have no direct effect on my life, so NBD. But it sure doesn't stop anyone from offering their (unsolicited) advice/opinions.

jessica490 · October 2015

Mustard76 said:

@mustard76 We used to tell people we were on the "5 years to never" plan, in regards to kids. It got people off our backs. We had fertility issues and actually had been trying for well over a year when people started to ask a lot more. But we told people we were going to revisit it in 5 years, but may choose to never have children. We were actually to the point of trying to realign our goals to live a child free life (my H didn't want to pursue treatment).

My how our families were surprised when we told them we were pregnant. My mom would tell people that it was our choice whether or not to have children, because she had given up that we ever would.
We've been together almost 10 years, so people have been asking forever. It's annoying, but the only ones that actually bother me are my in-laws. Because this isn't new information. I've never wanted kids, and this has been well-known by everyone in my life. H didn't either. And then he turned 30 and changed his mind. So we went into the "whatever happens, happens" camp after many, many hours talking about it. Other people's opinions on whether or not I'll change my mind have no direct effect on my life, so NBD. But it sure doesn't stop anyone from offering their (unsolicited) advice/opinions.

We are in the same boat. Luckily our family has stopped asking about kids, but I've said enough times that I don't want any....but it's the co-workers and friends that don't give it up asking when the kids will come and how we will change our minds. It gets old fast

brij2006 · October 2015

Mustard76 said:

@mustard76 We used to tell people we were on the "5 years to never" plan, in regards to kids. It got people off our backs. We had fertility issues and actually had been trying for well over a year when people started to ask a lot more. But we told people we were going to revisit it in 5 years, but may choose to never have children. We were actually to the point of trying to realign our goals to live a child free life (my H didn't want to pursue treatment).

My how our families were surprised when we told them we were pregnant. My mom would tell people that it was our choice whether or not to have children, because she had given up that we ever would.
We've been together almost 10 years, so people have been asking forever. It's annoying, but the only ones that actually bother me are my in-laws. Because this isn't new information. I've never wanted kids, and this has been well-known by everyone in my life. H didn't either. And then he turned 30 and changed his mind. So we went into the "whatever happens, happens" camp after many, many hours talking about it. Other people's opinions on whether or not I'll change my mind have no direct affect on my life, so NBD. But it sure doesn't stop anyone from offering their (unsolicited) advice/opinions.

Sounds very very familiar. We were together for 10 years before getting pregnant. The comments and questions never end. Nor did the remarks when we said we were on the 5 years to never plan. People were constantly telling us there was no way we could live without kids. Yup, yup we can.

hoffse · October 2015

Yeah I'll be totally honest that kids intimidate me. We both want them, so we will figure it out, but we have really enjoyed being DINKs, and neither of us feels like our life is missing anything. We're also both very career-driven, and managing that is going to be a huge change.

Oh and change. I hate change. I've been slowly hyping myself up for it over the last few years so that I don't completely flip out when everything turns upside down.

Interesting article: money and kids

Re: Interesting article: money and kids

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