Husband didn't defend me in public. Do you think I should be upset?

HannahE18 · December 2015

My husband and I were at Costco the other day and it was very busy. A rude man came up behind me and asked me what line I was in. I told him what line I was in, and he proceeded to attempt to push me out of the way with his cart by slamming it into me and cutting in front of me. I pushed myself in front of his cart and called him an asshole for cutting in front of me. It wasn't rude on my part, I was just calling him what he was and trying to defend myself. Then the guy called me some pretty bad profanities and went into the lane next to us. He asked me to call him an asshole again and wait and see what happens, so I did. (I've never been one to stand by while someone is attacking me.) Then he started calling me a "little girl" and saying nasty things to me, and I told him I had plenty of things I could call him but I'm not going to because I'm a better person then him. He responded by asking my husband if he was married to me, and if so, he feels bad for my husband. MY HUSBAND JUST STOOD THERE! He didn't say a word! Not even when the guy was calling me names and ramming his cart into me! I was very hurt.

Should I be upset? Why wouldn't my husband defend me, especially when dealing with another man?

TarponMonoxide · January 2016

You called that gent an asshole and then you said you didn"t want to call him any more names because you are better than he is?

THe next time this happens, call a manager. Let them take care of screamers, cursers and rude people.

I don't know what you should do about your H. Suppose he said something to the guy and it wound up as a donnybrook?

BlueBirdMB · January 2016

I think he was silent because he didn't agree with you and I don't either. If he had jumped in, the situation would have only further escalated and could have lead to violence. Defending yourself doesn't mean you call someone a rude name. That only serves to further inflame the situation, which is exactly what happened. You should have called a manager- that would have been the mature way to handle the situation and then maybe your husband would have helped you.

TarponMonoxide · January 2016

BlueBirdMB said:

I think he was silent because he didn't agree with you and I don't either. If he had jumped in, the situation would have only further escalated and could have lead to violence. Defending yourself doesn't mean you call someone a rude name. That only serves to further inflame the situation, which is exactly what happened. You should have called a manager- that would have been the mature way to handle the situation and then maybe your husband would have helped you.

You also don't know if this guy was armed. People get crazy over the littlest of things, especially when it is holiday time --- I have seen more than one fight happen in a store and more than one very colorful disagreement take place over a parking space.

Call a manager. Exchanged words settle nothing.

simplyelise · January 2016

No, you should not be upset. The other guy was clearly a loose cannon and unpredictable. You escalated the situation by calling him an asshole. Was he being horrible? Yes, but calling someone an asshole to their face brings you right down to their level.

Your husband was wise to not engage with the man. You should have pretended you could not hear the man or you could have left the check out area to remove yourself from his sight. It's not about fair at that point, it's about removing yourself from a potentially dangerous situation.

I guess I'm just curious how you would have liked the situation to be resolved with your husband stepping in. He tells the guy to shut up and stop talking to his wife that way? Then the other guy just starts yelling more and all of a sudden the security guards are escorting all three of you out of the store. Not a great resolution.