Money Matters
blondie42107
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What would you do?
So H's cousin is getting married. We're not super close with his extended family but we do the usual holiday gatherings, typical family events, etc, Cousin is getting married in October and the bridal shower invite just arrived today and it's set for August. We've never met her fiance. We know the wedding date but not the ceremony or reception times. The day of the wedding I actually have a have a presentation (consult gig) but I don't know the time yet. Likely morning or early afternoon at the latest. Right now it looks like I could attend the bridal shower but H commented something along the lines of "meh." It's about a 2 hour drive one way. H also seems a little "meh" about the wedding. I know my mother-in-law and sister-in-law will likely go to the shower. My in-laws will also likely go to the wedding.
So do I make the trip for the bridal shower and give a gift (amount budgeted for) or just send a bigger gift since I won't have travel costs? I'm not sure what we will do about the wedding yet with my consult gig. I had no idea when I agreed to it that it would be their wedding day. I know it shouldn't mean anything but I feel like it's expected that we show up and give a pretty nice gift. H is one of the very, very few grandkids that hasn't "borrowed" money from his grandmother (quotes because the loans are never repaid).
Re: What would you do?
I agree with all of this. Only go to the shower if it sounds fun to you, but it doesn't to me. I also think it's reasonable to decline a wedding due to work, especially if they don't get a date and time out soon.
Kinda reminds me of my dad's mother. Don't get me wrong. I love her to death. I think it bothers my parents more than it bothers me. But, they (her and my uncle she lives with) send my cousin's (via different uncle) daughters stuff as well as going up to visit all the time. When they get together, there's always a shopping trip involved. My grandmother hasn't been up here since our son was born. Bought him a dresser, but that was it. Even when we went to Florida to see them, nada.
Like I said, I really don't care. We have the money to do what we need and don't need gifts loans. But my it irritates my parents. Not because of the money, but I think it's more that they pay so much attention to the two great granddaughters and almost ignore their great grandson.
I think that sounds like a great idea. I don't think you all are obligated at all to send or contribute to a shower gift if you aren't going to the party, but it is certainly a nice gesture.
As for going to the shower, I don't see any obligation to do that either, unless you want to. As you pointed out, it is 2 hours away...4 hours r/t...and you've never even met the bride.
As for the wedding itself, I'd just let that be your husband's call (unless the time interferes with your consulting gig). If he thinks you all should go for the sake of family dynamics, great. If he'd rather not go and suffer some temporary side-eyes from a few family members, even better (imo). Though I have to admit I'm sure my opinion is colored by my not being very motivated to go to weddings unless they are convenient, especially location-wise, or a wedding for a very close friend/family member.
The bride is H's cousin. We haven't met her future husband. He wasn't at family Christmas and the family didn't get together at Easter. The cousin is about 8 years younger than H.
I could never imagine asking my grandparents for money but honestly maybe it's more common than I realize. The two houses that grandma has purchased are not elaborate. It's a small, LCOLA area. Each are about $40,000 to $50,000. Grandma will never get paid back.
If Grandma is wise, that money will be addressed when the will is read.