Money Matters
hoffse
member
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NMR: Wedding crazy
Alright, I'm posting this here in case the couple in question frequents TK.
H is in a wedding at the end of September (best man). He was talking to the groom last night and heard that some of the people who are invited to the ceremony are not invited to the reception. He also talked to one of the other groomsmen and discovered that the regular groomsmen are not invited to the rehearsal dinner.
The explanation? They are getting married at a very expensive hotel, and it costs too much to host everybody they need to host.
My first reaction to the ceremony/reception thing was that people are just going to show up anyway, and they will simply run out of food. The ceremony and reception are at the same place, so I don't know how you can expect to keep the non-reception guests away. But then I thought back to the RSVP that I was required to return in July (B list?), and I remembered having to designate chicken or steak and putting our names next to each selection.... so I think it's going to be plated. And the people who aren't on the reception list simply won't be allowed to eat.
Seriously? I have heard of this happening on TK, but not going to lie... I figured it was just people who were trolling the etiquette board to stir up drama.
I will report back.
H is in a wedding at the end of September (best man). He was talking to the groom last night and heard that some of the people who are invited to the ceremony are not invited to the reception. He also talked to one of the other groomsmen and discovered that the regular groomsmen are not invited to the rehearsal dinner.
The explanation? They are getting married at a very expensive hotel, and it costs too much to host everybody they need to host.
My first reaction to the ceremony/reception thing was that people are just going to show up anyway, and they will simply run out of food. The ceremony and reception are at the same place, so I don't know how you can expect to keep the non-reception guests away. But then I thought back to the RSVP that I was required to return in July (B list?), and I remembered having to designate chicken or steak and putting our names next to each selection.... so I think it's going to be plated. And the people who aren't on the reception list simply won't be allowed to eat.
Seriously? I have heard of this happening on TK, but not going to lie... I figured it was just people who were trolling the etiquette board to stir up drama.
I will report back.
Re: NMR: Wedding crazy
Wow! Yeeaahhhh.
Actually, I would suspect they DON'T frequent TK, lol. At least not the Etiquette board. So much wrong with their plans.
And the fact that the ceremony and reception are in the same place is ESPECIALLY galling. It would be a natural assumption by "ceremony only" guests that they are also invited to the reception that is RIGHT THERE. I foresee a lot of embarrassment and awkwardness for both guests and the wedding couple.
A rehearsal dinner where most of the wedding party is not even invited? What is even the point? I think it would be less rude to just not have a rehearsal dinner than to pick and choose which members of the WP are invited. Or go somewhere they can afford to host the WP. Or just don't have a rehearsal at all. It's like they picked the absolute rudest of all options, lol.
And yeah, to short+sassy's point, we didn't even have a rehearsal dinner because we couldn't afford it, and nobody (ie H's family) offered to host one. That's what you do when you don't have the budget, you just don't do it.
Our invitation says "reception to follow" on it at the bottom. I don't have any idea if the non-reception people got an invitation without that language... But I mean, I would absolutely have not noticed if that language was missing. I only know it's there because I checked after I heard some people weren't invited to the reception.
@hoffse based on what you have said I'm surprised you were invited to the RD. In my younger days I was MOH and my then SO wasn't invited to the RD because of costs....but everyone in the WP and that attended the rehearsal got invitations.
I'm in a wedding this weekend. I'm mostly really looking forward to it. There are a few etiquette blunders but I place them in the really minor category (2 hour gap, HoneyFund, etc.) I think it will be a great wedding and I'm so happy for my friend and her FI. Somehow, however, I ended up with the first hair appointment of the day (7:15 for a 2:00 pm wedding), and got a really condescending email from the hair stylist about "not stressing out the bride by being late," and I'm feeling irrationally annoyed about it. Your wedding puts my inconveniences in perspective!
Personally - if you can't afford peoples dinner then have your wedding at a more affordable place. I'm assuming the couple is paying for their wedding?
Report back please
Our very good friends did a private ceremony of 20 people and a big reception of around 250 people. There was a lot of drama in the family because of it. The bride just didn't want to pay for renting the church so they got married outside in the gazebo for the cost of paying the pastor. Its been 5 years and she has family that still won't talk to them because of it. I kept trying to explain to her that it makes people feel like they aren't good enough to watch them get married, but are good enough to buy them a gift. She thought I was nuts.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
Honestly, I'm surprised too. They apparently did not split up couples or family units, it's just that not all family units will be invited to everything.
The other thing is I've been to this venue before. It's lovely, but it's not like there's going to be some super secret place for the reception to be held. It's all right there, totally obvious. There's no way they are going to be able to stop people from wandering over to join the reception... the drama is going to happen when people realize there is no place card for them.
My poor H feels like he needs to pull the groom aside and explain how bad this is going to be.
Oh wow. I would be so ticked (and hurt) if I were invited to the ceremony but not the reception and I had to travel for the event...and I would feel pretty embarrassed if I realized my name weren't there for a place card.
They are doing place cards, right???
Some receptions I have been to recently didn't have place cards or tables assigned and it was a sad, rude free-for-all for seating at the reception. Families got spilt up. In fact, at one reception I went to without my DH (he was traveling), but had my three kids in tow...I walked out and drove back to my hotel even before finding a seat and I skipped the reception altogether. I was so overwhelmed. It was like an ant hill of guests trying to find seats. All the tables were squished together. There was no order to it. I didn't know anybody. It was buffet style, so I didn't feel too bad that they had bought me a plate.
Just found out this wedding is fake. They are already married, and this is a PPD. I'm so pissed. Everything is paid for, and H feels like he can't step down because that would repaying one wrong with another wrong. I get it, but I'm really mad.
THANK GOODNESS we did not pay for a hotel room for this wedding. The rooms they wanted us to book would have cost us $800 for the weekend. We are using points instead. I'm annoyed that we have burned some points, but it costs us significantly less than if we had paid out of pocket.
I don't know how many people are aware that they are already married, but it's almost certainly going to get out.
Ugh.
If you are going to spend all that time and money planning a "wedding" why don't they actually get married on that date?!?!
What is wrong with people? Is some big, fancy...apparently now fake...party really worth so many potentially friendship-ending moves? Do they not see that? It's like the old adage, "If more than two people know, it is no longer a secret."
I'm pretty "PPD-lite", as long as no one is lied to. But that is obviously not the case here.
I mean, you all are mad enough (rightfully so). But can you imagine if someone is a guest...who has also traveled for this wedding...only to find out they are not invited to the reception AND it was a fake ceremony anyway. Yikes!
They are concealing it, I assume so that they can have the parties and presents that come with a bigger, more formal wedding. I mean, H found out about this at the "bachelor" party (that H helped pay for), and I have already RSVP'd for and bought a gift for the "bridal" shower.
I just don't get it. They are so stressed out about this "wedding" and they are already married. Both of them are from families that went through nasty divorces and the larger families don't get along. So they are really stressed about having everybody in the same room together. It's like... an elopement is perfect for this situation. And congrats, it's already done! No need to put yourselves or any of them through that drama!
But no.
I will get over it eventually, but I am still really irritated about it right now.
Wow! That's all I can say. Some nerve!
FWIW this is soooo common in our area. It makes me sick. A wedding we're invited to in September the bride just posted a big rant on FB about how "yes, we're already married but we deserve to celebrate this day." That's fine, celebrate it. But don't hide it. Don't have a pretty princess wedding where you walk down in a white dress and say "I do" as though you never have before. It's just not right.
Why don't people just send out invites for a Celebration of marriage or something like that? Have a huge reception, wear a pretty dress, whatever. But let people know you did elope and now you just want them to celebrate with you.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
FWIW this is soooo common in our area. It makes me sick. A wedding we're invited to in September the bride just posted a big rant on FB about how "yes, we're already married but we deserve to celebrate this day." That's fine, celebrate it. But don't hide it. Don't have a pretty princess wedding where you walk down in a white dress and say "I do" as though you never have before. It's just not right.
Why don't people just send out invites for a Celebration of marriage or something like that? Have a huge reception, wear a pretty dress, whatever. But let people know you did elope and now you just want them to celebrate with you.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
What is PPD? I keep thinking post partum depression
I had a friend elope. Threw not 1, but three of these! Three different cities/states. The only difference is they're not re-doing the ceremony. Still, like wtf?
I love myself, too. But I just don't need to throw three AW parties, just because I got married, lol.
I had a former coworker who, at year 7, was planning a vow renewal ceremony for their 10th wedding anniversary. But it was basically a re-do of her wedding, because she had just loved that day so much (her words). 200+ guest list, bridal party, big poofy white wedding gown. The whole 9 yards.
I am not exaggerating, she was the biggest attention whore I have ever met. And that was my opinion, even before I heard about her vow renewal extravaganza.
Oh! And don't think they had a small wedding or JOP courthouse wedding the first time around and she felt like she was missing out. There actual wedding was an event as big, if not bigger.