Money Matters
LillibetteV
member
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SAHM budgeting
I am probably getting ahead of myself, but I'm an uber planner and now that I have 3 positive pee sticks I'm wondering how I make being a SAHM work for us. I make more money than my husband and more than it would cost to send the kiddo to daycare so this would purely be a lifestyle choice since financially it would actually be kind of dumb. But I already want to cry at the thought of sending my kid to daycare and he/she is only the size of a poppy seed!
So parents who have made it work - what was the hardest part about going down to a single income? Did you find that you missed all of the fun stuff you may have had to cut out or was being home worth it? I'm also open to working part-time so if you do that please chime in. Did you find that certain areas of your budget actually became cheaper once you were home (I'm thinking food, transportation, and work clothes will definitely go way down for me). Thanks!
So parents who have made it work - what was the hardest part about going down to a single income? Did you find that you missed all of the fun stuff you may have had to cut out or was being home worth it? I'm also open to working part-time so if you do that please chime in. Did you find that certain areas of your budget actually became cheaper once you were home (I'm thinking food, transportation, and work clothes will definitely go way down for me). Thanks!
Re: SAHM budgeting
Things we cut that helped make it work was cable and land line plus we had no day care bill. We also switched insurance providers for our home and auto because it was getting too high. I need to do that again this coming year. Our house is paid off but DH does own his own studio that I guess that is our mortgage so to speak even though it's thru his business.
We are people that prefer time together than tangible items so you can still do fun stuff for free or on a budget. Our cars are also paid off but DH will need a new car in the spring. We are still able to contribute to retirement and savings although not much but again I would rather be able to stay at home with my kid or kids hopefully than work a full time job that I'm not passionate about. I'm blessed that we are able to do it - I feel we are very rich but in a different way. Not the money kind but in what we are doing with our lives.
Good luck!!!!
If I remember correctly, you work in a law office. Is it possible to do your type of work as a contractor and/or on a p/t basis? Or start your own business doing similar work?
I think the real issue is getting my husband on board with a scaled down lifestyle. I've always been the saver and he's the spender and so I KNOW we could do it if we really put our mind to it, but he really enjoys just being able to spend without worrying about it too hard.
This is exactly us. Truthfully, I'm afraid that my husband is going to resent me if I stay home because I'm not bringing in an income and the pressure is all on him to support us. Yet in order for this to happen he will have to give up some of his lifestyle, to where I don't really have much of a lifestyle and won't have to give much up except our traveling.
It does scare us both that me staying home would mean not replacing vehicles for a long time, not going out to eat very often, and maybe 1 date night a month at a cheap restaurant. A $20 random purchase would become a much bigger deal because our budget would be tight already.
Like you, we would purely be doing it out of the want for us to have some sort of family/work balance, not for financials. If we just look at the $$ aspect, it's dumb for me to come home. But right now we both scramble on the weekends to get things done and our time spent with DD is me making a game out of vacuuming and having her do it right along side me. Then us flipflopping who is going to watch her while the other one gets as much done as possible. It really sucks and we both hate it. That balance is the main reason I'll likely stay home after #2 is born even though it doesn't make much financial sense.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
DH's mother never worked outside the home (although she did sell some of her art) and yet they still had a live-in nanny. For 2 kids. They moved to a new town when he was in elementary school because the options were (1) mom work (2) nanny gets fired or (3) find cheaper housing because dad had lost some income. He is still resentful at what he perceives as his mother's selfishness. MIL has even said in the past when I commented on wanting to be a SAHM "well...can DH's salary support that AND the nanny?". Ugh. No woman. If I'm home there is no nanny - that's the point!!
Yup. We find it very hard to balance, and our marriage suffered in the first year of DD's life because of it. Things are better now, but it takes a lot of teamwork and we both have to be ON 24/7. We still joke about the days I was on maternity leave. I was a total 1950's housewife, but I honestly had no problem with it. We had a meal on the table once H got home. That was a priority to me because then I knew we could go on a family walk afterward and because I was home we actually had some time on the weekends to do things as a family instead of running errands, cleaning the house, etc. Now it's still constantly struggling to juggle and balance and we know it's only going to get worse once a 2nd one comes along.
I swear I would happily downsize our late 1800's Victorian for a 1,000sq ft 2 bedroom apartment at this point, because then I could at least keep up with that and have some sort of time with H and DD.
I will also say to be realistic with yourself about the other areas you may save. For me, we'll no longer have a house cleaner. I'll be able to cook more meals from scratch instead of having mostly convenience foods or buying things based out of the time it takes to make them. Less temptation to eat out because I won't be at work every day. Much less spent on professional clothing. The gas savings from me not driving to work will be $250/month alone. I'll have time to have a larger garden and keep up with it.
Another dumb one, but it was my argument with H the other day. If #2 is a boy, if I'm home I don't care if he's in pink sleepers or some of DD's pants and onsies. If he's at daycare then I'll be buying boy clothes for him.
Although, when we put together our SAHM budget, we left all but the gas category the same. It will be 2 little ones and my main priority will be a SAH MOM first. So the kids' priorities will come before a clean house or making things from scratch. But I'm far from a helicopter parent, so that does allow me to hopefully focus on other things during the day as well. I also did some research in the area about what is all offered during the day and we decided that we would buy a library card for story time once a week (we have to pay since we don't live in the town), and we'll get a membership to the zoo annually. So we did add those things plus a little buffer in for things like extra craft items to use during the day. I also wanted to keep the groceries the same since DD would no longer be eating 2 meals/day at daycare and would at home.
Not sure if those ideas help, but it's what we've done so far to work through our budget. It would be my goal to make many of those categories less so that we do have more of a buffer to save for things like replacing vehicles or the roof. But our SAH budget isn't pretty so it would have to be a priority.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
Lol. I got paid good money in Chicago during college to be a part-time nanny to 2 stay at home moms. Each had 2 boys, ages newborn and 2.
FFC Maybe: I still laugh at how the one family paid me to go on vacation with them and fly alone with the 2 boys because it was just "too stressful" for them to fly together. So the parents left 2 days before and then the boys and I left. I was an 18 year old with a 4 month old and a 2 year old. Through a major airport with a 1 hour connection to get them through. Think the movie Nanny Diaries. That's about right.
I joke with H that my nanny days made me supermom. Pshhh, travel with just DD? Easy peasy. Just her and I went to Cali when she was 10 weeks old. Still easier than the traveling I did while nannying.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
I also live in Boston where infant daycare would cost $20k in the first year. TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! And yes, I make more than that, but c'mon. I would rather be home than spend that on someone else to watch my kid!
@vlagrl35 she is a sweetheart, but she has ZERO hustle. None. Once while I was in the middle of a trial she told me about her "super busy day" that involved 3 errands and making dinner. I was just sitting there like "umm....I did all the same things as you AND spent 10 hours at the office...."
This right here explains it all to me. If in the end you want to be home with your child and don't want someone else raising them, then do what it takes and make the cuts necessary to make that happen. Start talking with your H about it, sit down and run the numbers together, look into what health insurance will cost without your plan, if you can cut a vehicle or get something cheaper so there's no payment. If this is how you feel then no matter how much you love your job, you will hate being there when your child is at daycare.
Me personally, DD has learned so much from daycare. I actually am afraid to stay home because I know I won't focus as much on teaching sign language, manners, colors and shapes, etc. And at daycare they work with her on all of these things. We also love that she has strict routine there and she strives on that, and we love that she interacts with other kids on a daily basis. She won't have that at home. So those things worry us about me staying home. It's just figuring out what truly most important and then how to make that happen.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
Treat it like an experiment and live on your husband's salary so you can see how tight it would be if this was your reality. The side benefit is that you would be putting all of your income into savings to help with expenses after the baby comes!
Obviously things like cleaning the house during the day, or your train pass would need to be handled as normal, but it might not be as bad as he thinks.
And even if you do stay home with the baby his gaming habits will have to change. Just because you will be primary caregiver does not mean that he won't need to step in and give you a break every now and then.
My job is the type that would be hard (not impossible, but hard) to get back into after a significant time off. Is that true for paralegal? If so, maybe going partime but using that money to cover some things to make life easier (grocery delivery, cleaning lady, lawn service etc).
I'll second these two points. My wife finds all these "free" activities to take our son out to. Various story/music times and the like, but there's always the trip to Chick-fil-a and/or shopping. So while the activity is free, the trip wasn't. We have the money, so it's not an issue, but does need to be accounted for if your funds are tight.
And I will second the gardening. We find that cooking is somewhat doable as long as you're not doing it from scratch, but any outside work really needs one parent watching the kid and the other working. My son just turned 2 and while I can get some small outside stuff done and let him play, he likes to "help" by pulling all the blooms off my flowers or pulling up the desirable plants instead of the weeds.
I do feel you on working with H on a scaled-down lifestyle. H wasn't really willing to reduce his until things started to get scary financially for us, and you guys don't sound like you're at all close to that place (a very good thing!) We have both had expensive hobbies, but I figure those are going to be naturally reduced once the baby comes. Sure we'll still like craft beer, but it'll be one with dinner a couple of nights a week instead of a couple of six packs a week. I'll still dive, but maybe once a month as opposed to every week. More affordable, family-friendly activities will replace expensive stuff without kids, but I'm sure we'll be enjoying it and happy in the new phase of our lives.
I hope you guys are able to to come to a good agreement that will make SAH work for you!
Quick story: My husband was laid off from his school district 3 times between 2011 - 2014, our girls were born in 2010 and 2012. The biggest lay off was for 5 months and it occurred 1 month before DD#2 was born. Luckily we were on my employer's health insurance at the time. I am thankful that I was able to take my 12 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks short term disability and 6 weeks of saved vacation) and still make sure my family was taken care of.
DH and I had a good talk last night and his fear was that I wouldn't plan for a back-up in case one income didn't work for us. I told him we are absolutely going to look at daycares and get on waiting lists, and that I will probably go back to work for at least a little while (while he then takes his paternity leave) so that I can get all of my benefits. He also said he would like to be home at some point and we agreed that it would make the most sense for him to be home when the kids are a little older so that he has enough years in to secure his pension (he has 2 years to go). Plus we've always known that I love babies and teenagers, but he works best with the toddler-preteen range, so it would make sense to time our at home time with the age ranges we both like best. He agreed to use January as our test month of living off one income so we will see how it goes.
I know there are lots of benefits to daycare - my best friend sends my niece and it's wonderful for her. I hope I didn't mean to imply that it was a bad thing. It's just that they are only little for so long and I want to be there for as much of it as I can.
The big spending changes for us will probably be cutting cable and our misc. category. We already are down to one (paid off) car. Our insurance is through DH and it's a family plan so the premiums won't go up when baby arrives.
Part time paralegals exist, but I do not think it would work at my current firm. Plus I'm not sure if I want to do this forever so I'd be open to a change.
Good luck with your decision!
ETA: And of course, congrats on your positives!!