SAHM budgeting

smerka · November 2016

I will also say this. I have always worked a little since I started staying home. However, I have never made enough money for it to really make a difference. I do it to get out of the house and talk to adults. BUT I would not have been able to do it w/o free childcare (grandparents).

Now my kids are in school full time but that only gives me from 9-3pm to work. I am going back to my no-pressure, low paying (I just got a raise to $10/hour) job because I have to be the go-to parent. I have to do doctor appointments, random days off from school, driving one kid to school, etc. My husband is a teacher. And while many think his job is flexible, that is a total myth.

So when deciding to stay home, you need to take into account that your career choices may become limited later. I have a kid with autism so it complicates everything, but I know that I would have been miserable if both of us were working full time. I do not handle stress well.

als1982 · November 2016

@LillibetteV I feel like we're kindred spirits. If we're lucky enough to be blessed with kids, I hope to be able to stay home too. We work hard, live little and save much now in order to be able to make these choices when the time comes!

LillibetteV · November 2016

als1982 said:

@LillibetteV I feel like we're kindred spirits. If we're lucky enough to be blessed with kids, I hope to be able to stay home too. We work hard, live little and save much now in order to be able to make these choices when the time comes!

Yes! I feel like many people react negatively like "oh - she's just been waiting to get knocked up so she could stay home all day and have her husband support her". Ugh. Nope. I work REALLY hard in my career, but this is a different life chapter that I also want to be able to experience. I know what it's like to be a paralegal and while I enjoy it, I do not foresee doing this for another 30 years until I retire. I don't know what it's like to be a mom so I want to give it as much time and attention as I am able so that I can soak all that in. That's not a dig on what other mothers choose to do (4 weeks preggo and I already feel sucked into mommy wars) but it is what I PERSONALLY want to do. Who knows maybe I'll totally hate it, but I just want options. I have no intention of staying home forever - I'm just trying to figure out how to make it work for a few years. I am also investigating flexible work-from home career options that I might be able to start now for some side income that would be manageable to continue to bridge any gaps while I'm home and not working full time.

julieanne912 · November 2016

I think eliminating the comments about "having someone else raise your kids" would be a good idea across the board. I saw that a couple times in this thread and I think comments like that really makes working-outside-the-home moms feel pretty shitty.

When we have a kid, my mom will be our primary caregiver when our kid is young, and then I'll combine it with daycare once the kid is a toddler. I will continue to work both out of necessity, and because I really enjoy working. In theory the idea of staying home and raising a kid and being a wife sounds fun but I know I'd probably hate it once I got going.

And, no matter what your situation, unless you're pretty wealthy, having kids takes financial sacrifices, whether or not you stay at home or put them in day care. I know for us, even with having free childcare, we still have to pay for the kid's health insurance, clothing, diapers etc. This will involve both of us making financial sacrifices, mostly in terms of eliminating/reducing "fun" stuff. That's just what you do when you have a kid.

ETA: My BFF works from home. She still has a caregiver come to her house 4 days a week from 9-3 at $10/hour, and her son goes to daycare 1 day a week (not sure on that cost). She said there's no way she could work from home and also keep an eye on him, especially now that he's a toddler. So something to keep in mind there too...

LillibetteV · November 2016

@julieanne912 I actually chose my words very carefully in saying "take care of" because obviously working mothers still raise their kids! I guess that nuance was lost in the responses. Anyone who is keeping the kid alive while I'm not there is "taking care of" him/her but my husband and I are still ultimately responsible for raising the child to (hopefully) be a good person. If the kid grows up to be a self-centered, lazy, bigoted pile of human garbage that's on us no matter what child care option we choose lol.

short+sassy · November 2016

I had a friend with a f/t "work from home" job when her kids were little (1 and 3). She still put them in daycare full-time. Not being a mother, I thought that sounded a little odd and asked her about it. I was young and naively thought small children sleep and will play quietly by themselves for hours, lol.

On another note, an expense I could see going up for a SAHM/D is utilities. If no one is home from 8-5 M-F, than a/c or heat is not run. If someone is home during most of that time, more electricity gets used.

LillibetteV · November 2016

short+sassy said:

I had a friend with a f/t "work from home" job when her kids were little (1 and 3). She still put them in daycare full-time. Not being a mother, I thought that sounded a little odd and asked her about it. I was young and naively thought small children sleep and will play quietly by themselves for hours, lol.
On another note, an expense I could see going up for a SAHM/D is utilities. If no one is home from 8-5 M-F, than a/c or heat is not run. If someone is home during most of that time, more electricity gets used.

Yea I've considered utilities too. We have a dog and a bearded dragon so we don't drop the heat during the day (although we don't crank it particularly high in the first place), but definitely would be using more water, cooking gas, etc. My best friend has childcare for the day she works from home too so I know I wouldn't be able to do anything that has set hours even if it was from home. It would have to be super flexible for me to squeeze in when I can (probably a unicorn...but I'm going to look for it! haha). I'd be looking for 10-15 hours a week at the most.

The biggest downfall would be basically eliminating our ability to save for a while. But then again we have a large amount of savings so.....what is it for if not to be a buffer during times we have less income?

brij2006 · November 2016

Just a heads up, welcome to mommy wars. Everything is a debate in this mom life. Breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs cry it out, staying home vs working, extended rear facing vs front facing early, unmedicated birth vs epidural. And everyone is going to give you their thoughts or opinions on what they recommend you do. Even random strangers.
The advice I give all of my new mom friends is to go into this parenting thing with an open mind and explore your options. Don't rule anything out, but make the decisions that work best for you and your family, nobody else. Becoming a parent is a life changing event. That little human can change everything you ever thought you believed or wanted.
I never wanted to stay home. I'm a career woman, but once DD was born all of that changed.

You may have this child and want to pull your hair out by the end of maternity leave and want to go back to work. So I'd definitely remain open to anything and all things.

jtmh2012 · November 2016

brij2006 said:

Just a heads up, welcome to mommy wars. Everything is a debate in this mom life. Breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs cry it out, staying home vs working, extended rear facing vs front facing early, unmedicated birth vs epidural. And everyone is going to give you their thoughts or opinions on what they recommend you do. Even random strangers.

And unless you really feel like standing there and fighting over it, just smile and nod and let it go. Maybe they're factually wrong, maybe they're just rude....either way, it's not worth the time to argue over it.

short+sassy · November 2016

LillibetteV said:

short+sassy said:

I had a friend with a f/t "work from home" job when her kids were little (1 and 3). She still put them in daycare full-time. Not being a mother, I thought that sounded a little odd and asked her about it. I was young and naively thought small children sleep and will play quietly by themselves for hours, lol.
On another note, an expense I could see going up for a SAHM/D is utilities. If no one is home from 8-5 M-F, than a/c or heat is not run. If someone is home during most of that time, more electricity gets used.

Yea I've considered utilities too. We have a dog and a bearded dragon so we don't drop the heat during the day (although we don't crank it particularly high in the first place), but definitely would be using more water, cooking gas, etc. My best friend has childcare for the day she works from home too so I know I wouldn't be able to do anything that has set hours even if it was from home. It would have to be super flexible for me to squeeze in when I can (probably a unicorn...but I'm going to look for it! haha). I'd be looking for 10-15 hours a week at the most.

The biggest downfall would be basically eliminating our ability to save for a while. But then again we have a large amount of savings so.....what is it for if not to be a buffer during times we have less income?

You might be surprised! There is a lot that falls in this category, including 100% online. Unfortunately, most of it is low pay. But not all, just need to search for the gems. And that is the annoying part. You have to have patience and filter through a lot of dirt to find the small nuggets of gold. But they do pop up occasionally.

For example, I have a p/t job taking pics of hotel event boards. It's 4 days/week, takes about 90 minutes per day. Both the days/hours I go are totally flexible. I make an extra $400/week with it. Found it on Craig's List 5 years ago in either the "p/t" or "etc" section. So random!! But it's incredibly good money for the time I spend.

There are freelance web sites everywhere that post available assignments. I wouldn't be surprised if there are paralegal oriented assignments sometimes posted and I'd think those would usually pay more because of the expertise involved. Heck, there might even be freelance sites geared specifically to the legal field.

LillibetteV · November 2016

jtmh2012 said:

brij2006 said:

Just a heads up, welcome to mommy wars. Everything is a debate in this mom life. Breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs cry it out, staying home vs working, extended rear facing vs front facing early, unmedicated birth vs epidural. And everyone is going to give you their thoughts or opinions on what they recommend you do. Even random strangers.

And unless you really feel like standing there and fighting over it, just smile and nod and let it go. Maybe they're factually wrong, maybe they're just rude....either way, it's not worth the time to argue over it.

HA! That's going to be hard for me - I'm naturally inclined to debate if people tell me I'm doing something wrong (a) because if I am wrong I want to know why and (b) if I'm right I want to explain why I think so. Because it took us so two years (and IVF) to conceive I'm already SUPER testy to people that have provided unsolicited advice on our fertility and timeline for children (if you want to risk bodily harm just tell me to "relax" and it will happen lol) so I'm going to have to prepare myself for even more unsolicited advice.

@brij2006 my friend went into birth saying she didn't want an epidural and after 14 hours she gave in at 3am and got one. Totally cool - I told her she wouldn't change her mind unless the fear of the pain became greater than her fear of the needle. When another friend who was providing hospital updates told our small group one women wrote "oh nooooo!" like she had somehow failed and I was so angry with her. I asked back "how does she feel about it? does she feel upset that she changed her mind?" because I was concerned my friend would be upset that she "caved" even though no matter how it happens birth is birth and momma has to do what she has to do to squeeze that kid out!

jtmh2012 · November 2016

short+sassy said:

For example, I have a p/t job taking pics of hotel event boards. It's 4 days/week, takes about 90 minutes per day. Both the days/hours I go are totally flexible. I make an extra $400/week with it. Found it on Craig's List 5 years ago in either the "p/t" or "etc" section. So random!! But it's incredibly good money for the time I spend.

I'll take pictures for $400/week.......wow....

LillibetteV · November 2016

@short+sassy something like that sounds awesome! Just a little extra cash to cover any unexpected gaps.

I also totally spent my lunch break calculating forward how much we'll save (assuming our regular minimum savings, not any increases from trial one-income months) before kiddo comes in July. It also assumes we don't get raises or bonuses (both of which are expected) and doesn't include an outstanding claim we have for a really large chunk of money (which would be awesome if we got back). We'll have a minimum of $50k cash as a buffer so I'm hoping that will also make my husband feel a bit more secure in this idea.

brij2006 · November 2016

jtmh2012 said:

brij2006 said:

Just a heads up, welcome to mommy wars. Everything is a debate in this mom life. Breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs cry it out, staying home vs working, extended rear facing vs front facing early, unmedicated birth vs epidural. And everyone is going to give you their thoughts or opinions on what they recommend you do. Even random strangers.

And unless you really feel like standing there and fighting over it, just smile and nod and let it go. Maybe they're factually wrong, maybe they're just rude....either way, it's not worth the time to argue over it.

People are going to doubt you and your decisions. The minute they find out you're pregnant, the unsolicited advice will come. Heck, I'm on here giving you advice on how to handle peoples' advice. ;-)

It's part of the reason why I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant and our families and friends don't even know we're pregnant. We're spending this time enjoying our secretive pregnancy before all know and voice their judgements and opinions.

brij2006 · November 2016

LillibetteV said:

jtmh2012 said:

brij2006 said:

Just a heads up, welcome to mommy wars. Everything is a debate in this mom life. Breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs cry it out, staying home vs working, extended rear facing vs front facing early, unmedicated birth vs epidural. And everyone is going to give you their thoughts or opinions on what they recommend you do. Even random strangers.

And unless you really feel like standing there and fighting over it, just smile and nod and let it go. Maybe they're factually wrong, maybe they're just rude....either way, it's not worth the time to argue over it.

HA! That's going to be hard for me - I'm naturally inclined to debate if people tell me I'm doing something wrong (a) because if I am wrong I want to know why and (b) if I'm right I want to explain why I think so. Because it took us so two years (and IVF) to conceive I'm already SUPER testy to people that have provided unsolicited advice on our fertility and timeline for children (if you want to risk bodily harm just tell me to "relax" and it will happen lol) so I'm going to have to prepare myself for even more unsolicited advice.

@brij2006 my friend went into birth saying she didn't want an epidural and after 14 hours she gave in at 3am and got one. Totally cool - I told her she wouldn't change her mind unless the fear of the pain became greater than her fear of the needle. When another friend who was providing hospital updates told our small group one women wrote "oh nooooo!" like she had somehow failed and I was so angry with her. I asked back "how does she feel about it? does she feel upset that she changed her mind?" because I was concerned my friend would be upset that she "caved" even though no matter how it happens birth is birth and momma has to do what she has to do to squeeze that kid out!

OMG the unsolicited infertility advice. We didn't need anywhere near as much help as others have to get pregnant, but it hasn't been an easy nor short road for us. But my goodness, if my SMIL told us 1 more time to just get drunk and it will happen, I was going to smack her. This time around we actually didn't come out about TTC#2 until we were a year into trying, and we still haven't fully admitted to FIL and SMIL that we're TTC again because they like to give way too many opinions on the matter.

LillibetteV · November 2016

@brij2006 yes but I asked for your advice! So I appreciate it

So far only me and hubby know. Parents were told that we aren't announcing anything until we have a confirmed pregnancy (which to us is heartbeat on an ultrasound). My best girl friends have been AMAZINGLY supportive of my IVF journey every single step of the way so they know that I have a blood test later this week. Right now I'm still pretending I've resisted POAS because we're all hanging out Friday night while DH has plans so they know "hey if one of us has to stab a progesterone shot into Lilli's butt we know that's good news" hahaha. I actually have won TWO bottles of wine since I started IVF and I told one of the ladies she could have it if I got pregnant. So I'm going to just walk in and hand it to her and then pop open a bottle of Fre wine for myself. DH got shaken awake with "omg look at this? is that a line?! dude IS THAT A LINE?" while my girlfriends get the cute planned surprise hahahaa.

short+sassy · November 2016

jtmh2012 said:

short+sassy said:

For example, I have a p/t job taking pics of hotel event boards. It's 4 days/week, takes about 90 minutes per day. Both the days/hours I go are totally flexible. I make an extra $400/week with it. Found it on Craig's List 5 years ago in either the "p/t" or "etc" section. So random!! But it's incredibly good money for the time I spend.

I'll take pictures for $400/week.......wow....

I'm paid "per hotel", but the magic is there are 22 hotels on my route and they are all within about two miles of each other. Basically, the French Quarter/Downtown/Convention Center areas.

My first year, there were only 10 hotels, so it wasn't as much money. But it also only took me 30 minutes. I was unemployed at the time, hence why I was looking in the "jobs wanted" ads of CL, and it was a godsend. Still is!!

I've also found things like focus groups and mock juries that pay really well on CL, but that kind of stuff is a lot more sporadic.

brij2006 · November 2016

LillibetteV said:

@brij2006 yes but I asked for your advice! So I appreciate it

So far only me and hubby know. Parents were told that we aren't announcing anything until we have a confirmed pregnancy (which to us is heartbeat on an ultrasound). My best girl friends have been AMAZINGLY supportive of my IVF journey every single step of the way so they know that I have a blood test later this week. Right now I'm still pretending I've resisted POAS because we're all hanging out Friday night while DH has plans so they know "hey if one of us has to stab a progesterone shot into Lilli's butt we know that's good news" hahaha. I actually have won TWO bottles of wine since I started IVF and I told one of the ladies she could have it if I got pregnant. So I'm going to just walk in and hand it to her and then pop open a bottle of Fre wine for myself. DH got shaken awake with "omg look at this? is that a line?! dude IS THAT A LINE?" while my girlfriends get the cute planned surprise hahahaa.

Haha. This time I was chatting with one of my IF friends online when I dipped a cheapie test. Instantly saw the second line and started shaking, so I dipped a FRER. I was mid conversation with her and said "holy shit! holy shit! there's a line! Don't tell Derrick that I told you first, but OMG there's a line." Then I just handed the test to him and said "welp, hopefully this one decides to stick around for more than 2 days."
Gosh, oh so fun and romantic. His response was horrible too, he said he'll get excited if AF hasn't come in a week. We've had so many chemical pregnancies that a positive test is sort of numb for us. I also had spotting at 8 and 9DPO so I figured I was out anyways and we had prepared ourselves for a negative. It sucks, but it is what it is. So I tested every day after that and text him a picture of the test compared to the day before so he could see they were getting darker. It only took a couple of days of them getting darker before we got excited. Then when I got the first beta's drawn and they were only a little bit different than DD's first draw, it made us feel more hopeful.

LillibetteV · November 2016

Ugh - that sucks, but I'm glad this one is sticking for you! This is the first time I've ever gotten pregnant and after two years of negatives I was like "I'm happy and crying, but I still don't actually believe it" haha. I'm finally starting to get around to the idea that it isn't a joke but I still can't wait for doctor confirmation!

brij2006 · November 2016

Do you know how many beta draws they will do, and how long you'll be with the RE for before they switch you to the OB?

LillibetteV · November 2016

I'm sure they told me, but I forget. I'm going to ask when they call with my beta results. I do know that I have to continue the progesterone in oil shots until week 10. Woof. My poor tushy is running out of fresh real estate for my hubby to stab!

brij2006 · November 2016

LillibetteV said:

I'm sure they told me, but I forget. I'm going to ask when they call with my beta results. I do know that I have to continue the progesterone in oil shots until week 10. Woof. My poor tushy is running out of fresh real estate for my hubby to stab!

Will they let you switch to your thigh instead?

Your draw is on Thursday, right? FX for some awesome numbers. Oh, and how many did you guys transfer? Could there be a possibility of two?

AprilZ81 · November 2016

brij2006 said:

Do you know how many beta draws they will do, and how long you'll be with the RE for before they switch you to the OB?

I had 3 beta draws and was released to my OB around 10 weeks. My Re kept me a little longer due to some early complications.

blondie42107 · November 2016

brij2006 said:

Just a heads up, welcome to mommy wars. Everything is a debate in this mom life. Breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs cry it out, staying home vs working, extended rear facing vs front facing early, unmedicated birth vs epidural. And everyone is going to give you their thoughts or opinions on what they recommend you do. Even random strangers.
The advice I give all of my new mom friends is to go into this parenting thing with an open mind and explore your options. Don't rule anything out, but make the decisions that work best for you and your family, nobody else. Becoming a parent is a life changing event. That little human can change everything you ever thought you believed or wanted.
I never wanted to stay home. I'm a career woman, but once DD was born all of that changed.

You may have this child and want to pull your hair out by the end of maternity leave and want to go back to work. So I'd definitely remain open to anything and all things.

Don't forget VBAC vs scheduled C section, where your baby sleeps , what you feed them (baby cereal? Fruits or veggies first?) . . . .

This isn't geared towards anyone, just a general statement, but I've had people make comments to me about "daycare (in-home) raises my kids" because I work but no one says crap that my husband works.

I have a professional license and for me to keep it up to date and not lose it , it's ideal that I continue working to some degree . I do love my job and it allows our kids to do extras (STEM programs at school , private/parochial school, trips, etc). H and I also make saving for retirement a priority.

Each family needs to do what's best for them! Best wishes and congratulations!

LillibetteV · November 2016

Blood draw is tomorrow! I resisted peeing on another stick this morning (I've done one the past four days lol). I was told that the thigh hurts more, and at least with the butt I can't see it happening hahahaha.

One embryo transfered. My hospital WILL NOT under any circumstance transfer more than one in a woman under 35 on her first cycle (which I am). I'd have to have 2 failed cycles to get 2 embryos put in and that would be the max. They do not want multiples and neither do I! Living in a state that mandates insurance coverage means that doctors can provide fertility treatment based on what's best for patient rather than "welp - you only have enough money for one shot so let's shove a bunch in there and hope for the best".

short+sassy · November 2016

LillibetteV said:

Blood draw is tomorrow! I resisted peeing on another stick this morning (I've done one the past four days lol). I was told that the thigh hurts more, and at least with the butt I can't see it happening hahahaha.

One embryo transfered. My hospital WILL NOT under any circumstance transfer more than one in a woman under 35 on her first cycle (which I am). I'd have to have 2 failed cycles to get 2 embryos put in and that would be the max. They do not want multiples and neither do I! Living in a state that mandates insurance coverage means that doctors can provide fertility treatment based on what's best for patient rather than "welp - you only have enough money for one shot so let's shove a bunch in there and hope for the best".

I give myself at least 5 insulin shots a day. My all-time favorite spot is on my hip. It usually doesn't hurt at all, whereas other areas do a little. With that said, the needles I use are very, very thin. I know other injected medications do not always have that "luxury".

LillibetteV · November 2016

short+sassy said:

LillibetteV said:

Blood draw is tomorrow! I resisted peeing on another stick this morning (I've done one the past four days lol). I was told that the thigh hurts more, and at least with the butt I can't see it happening hahahaha.

One embryo transfered. My hospital WILL NOT under any circumstance transfer more than one in a woman under 35 on her first cycle (which I am). I'd have to have 2 failed cycles to get 2 embryos put in and that would be the max. They do not want multiples and neither do I! Living in a state that mandates insurance coverage means that doctors can provide fertility treatment based on what's best for patient rather than "welp - you only have enough money for one shot so let's shove a bunch in there and hope for the best".

I give myself at least 5 insulin shots a day. My all-time favorite spot is on my hip. It usually doesn't hurt at all, whereas other areas do a little. With that said, the needles I use are very, very thin. I know other injected medications do not always have that "luxury".

22 gauge, 1.5 inch needle. This particular med is intramuscular where the IVF drugs to stimulate the ovaries were all the thin subcutaneous ones. Plus the progesterone is literally in sesame oil so it's pretty thick and takes a minute to actually plunge it all in. Sometimes I barely even feel it, but every couple of days I'll get one that hurts.

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