Orange County Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
how do you deal with THAT question
you know the one...
"So, do you have any news to share?"
"When are you guys going to start a family"
"Don't you know, your eggs are going to expire soon?"
etc, etc.
I got all of the above this weeked. F.
At a family party Saturday night no less than 4 people asked. H and I bailed out early to find out later that a couple that got married after us announced their pregnancy that night. And MIL started to cry because it wasn't us announcing.
It's completely OOC...
Re: how do you deal with THAT question
Your mother-in-law cried?
Oy vey.
I have no good advice. I just tell everybody I hate children. That's probably not something you want to do.
Ugghhh we get it all the time from IL family...
"Does JD have any medical issues we should know about?" soo much that it's now "any issues?"
or "From our calculations several 9 month periods have passed since the wedding.." and on and on
We are serious when we tell them I have to finish school (which is a ways off) so why they continue to ask is beyond us.... We just keep saying it over and over and over and over.... Although it has gotten to the point that we apparently need to come up with something stronger....
This exactly.
I just reply with a "not anytime soon!"
seriously, with the amount of people who are having difficulties getting pregnant, I find it extremely rude that people ask.
As tasteless as my answer is, nobody ever asks anymore.
So it is offensive but effective.
{{hugs}}
and this is why I find that question to be so rude.
I have used this. And ITA.
I have also said we're not ready, I don't want kids, etc.
Maybe you need to start crying.
People who ask that question deserve to feel bad.
Most of our friends know not to ask because some of our friends have really struggled with infertility and so they are luckily aware that it's not a very appropriate question.
For others, I just say something like "hopefully one day" or "one day, if we're lucky" - because that's how I honestly feel.
I tell them to fvck off.
Or I say, when your kids are old enough to babysit.
Or I say, that's a very personal and insensitive question. For all you know, we have been trying for years and have had several painful miscarriages. When they ask if that's true, I say no, but it could be, and go back to my original answer.
I hate this question so much, and it infuriates me that people don't see how rude it is. I don't mind it from my close friends, because they are asking out of curiosity and interest in me as a person. But random-asses are just being nosy busy bodies and they need to STFU.
Omg STANDING O!!!
Five stars.
My family knew not to ask, but other friends/family kept asking. Those who would not take the "whenever we're ready" answer were finally told what a miscarriage felt like in graphic, over-the-top, TMI detail, along with way too many details of my fertility issues. They stopped asking after that.
Now people ask how soon we're going to try for another one. You can't win.
Socializing foster puppies since 2009
Chart for TTC#2 - BFP 6.10.12, m/c 6.17.12 @ 4w3d ? BFP 7.14.12, EDD 3.27.13
Beta @ 15DPO: 441, P: 15.1 ? 19DPO: 2,784 ? 26DPO: 28,886 ? U/S 8/2: One happy HB!
Elective U/S @ 15w5d - it's a BOY! Confirmed at 19w6d. ?
This! If there's one thing you learn on the whole TTC journey is that you don't generally get to decide when it's going to happen ... you can hope but it's really out of your control. And that is very hard to deal with.
Ugh.
I am sorry you are being asked that.
But I am even sorrier your MIL is being a drama queen. There's no need for that.
I would just say, "We'll hopefully be pregnant when we are ready to be."
People can FRO, I swear.
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
I just say, "We don't want kids." Cue shocked face. "We like to travel, I'm not the SAHM type, and we'd like to retire early." People usually still don't accept it so I change the subject. I just think it's funny how people think your life is meaningless without kids. I've even had people say, "Well, then why would you get married?"
This is from a blog that perfectly summarizes my feelings:
I have no interest in being a mommy, much in the same way that I have no interest in being a lawyer. Lawyers have certain responsibilities that come with their role, certain functions they must perform regularly. They must prepare filings and briefs, take depositions, research case histories, appear in court, carry a briefcase, dress in pantsuits, and mingle with other lawyers.
None of that appeals me to, so I didn't study law in college.
Mommies must be nurses, playmates, cooks, maids, chauffeurs, and teachers, all at once. They must attend soccer/ballet/piano practices/games/performances, go to PTA meetings, arrange play dates, help with homework, push strollers, find the perfect car seat/preschool/halloween costume/prom dress, prepare bottles, and forfeit sleep/free time/work time/husband time for years and years, and all the while burden the pressure of being a good role model. They must mingle with other mommies and children, dress comfortably, read parenting books and nursery rhymes, watch Barney and Spongebob, and prepare three, kid-friendly meals a day every day, for years and years.
None of that appeals to me, either. It sounds challenging and difficult, but not in a rewarding way. It just sounds challenging in an exhausting, boring way. If I were a parent whose life revolved around all of these things, I'd probably claim it was the most rewarding job in the world. What else would I say? "Wow, this isn't much fun. I think made a bad decision, and wish I could undo it."? No, that's just what I would say to myself.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not lazy. I love being challenged and rewarded. I love working hard and making money through my creativity. I love reading intellectually stimulating books and earning a greater understanding of my world. I love pushing myself through a four mile run and feeling my heart pound with endorphins. I love studying photography tutorials and spending an afternoon practicing and perfecting a new technique. I love disciplining my spending to save for culturally enlightening, international travel.
Could I not do the work of parenthood AND still get everything else that I want out of life? Maybe. If I found the right superhero cape, the right magic genie, the right time machine, and the right money tree.
My SIL announced she was pregnant yesterday at father's day dinner.
Everyone looked at me. One family member said they were disapointed it wasn't me.
Eff dude.
And I did I mention I had to comfort said family member?
That description of a lawyer made me laugh.
Thank you.
I don't get it.
Is it a generational thing?
Somehow I don't picture any of us asking these questions, even when we're old.
I think it is very much a generational thing.
That was my exact quote last night.
My cousins that are my age ask me about babies all the time. So do a few certain friends of mine. I think they feel like it's a race. And maybe to them it is. But not for me.
my obnoxious SIL asks or comments on it every time I see her.
I want to tell her that I would have to have sex with her brother in order to get pregnant, and clearly that's NOT happening.
Do you think it could be an education thing then?
I don't know your cousins or your SIL, but I'm trying to think of commonalities.