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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Just putting it out there...
As most of you know, I had our first child at 15 (PG at 14) and we chose to place her into an open adoption immediately. It seems like a lot of people are baffled by even the idea of teen sex/pregnancy or what might go through a person's head when faced with it. Since we're on this topic today, I thought I'd open myself up as someone who has been there. You can ask me anything.
Re: Just putting it out there...
That's awesome that you are willing to share.
Even as an adult, I'd probably look into adoption if I got pregnant.
Do you ever wonder if your child will find you?
The two people I know who have given children up have said that from the second the child turns 18, they wonder if that will be him/her on the other end of the phone every time the phone rings.
I'm wondering if this is common or if it's just coincidence.
ETA I see that you wrote "open." Ok then. My question is irrelevant.
I think it's really important, especially for people our age. Parents and future parents to gain a little perspective on this kind of thing. If I can help - I'm glad to.
Thanks, Riss. Us to. She is really one of the most awesome little people ever.
Were you given any other options by your parents?
My cousin (15) wants to keep her baby, but her mom thinks she is going to force her to give it up for adoption. My aunt also said if she keeps it, she will only support her daughter by putting a roof over her head and feeding her, taking care of the child is up to my cousin.
They found out on June 2 and she was born July 10th. Around 8 months along. I did not "tell them" really - they more "noticed". My mom anyway. I was pretty obviously PG and she asked me to take a PG test - that's how she found out. I was terrified to tell anyone - so I didn't.
OOH I saw that one. It was heartbreaking! That was a tough one, especially the one that kept the baby then abandoned her. The father pretty much forced her into keeping it though. ARGH that one bugged.
My parents divorced when I was 8 and my dad and I never had a sex talk. My mother was very open about sex, not in a creepy way, but many times we had rational and "real" discussions about sex, responsibility, consequences and protection. My mom was a realist and while she clearly didn't give "permission" she made it very known that I wasn't going to be pulling the wool over her eyes. BCP were not discussed specifically, probably because I was still so young. She informed me about an abortion she had at 18 and how she would never want me to have to have to make such a decision. She also make it clear that she did not have regrets about that decision.
Yeah, I felt very bad for that girl. I think she must have been depressed. I suppose if the father was going to do a good job of raising the baby, then he has that right, but it did seem like he strongarmed her into keeping it when she really didn't want to.
My parents would never have forced any decision upon me. Before my mother knew how far along I was, it seemed clear that she felt an abotion would be best. I had already decided months before that was not going to be what we chose. She then supported adoption much more than keeping the baby, but did expressly state that this was our decision and not hers.
I saw this last night, too. I can't imagine how hard it is. I feel bad that the one bio mom bugged me. I felt like she was stringing the adoptive family along. Then I realized I how no idea how hard it is.
I had the very same feelings. I was surprised when she went through with it. And I thought it was pretty cool she was pumping breastmilk for the baby.
This is a difficult question to answer because in my heart of hearts I really do believe that my daughter is where she belongs. That being said, living without her everyday is a real struggle - the pain and void is there all the time.
I had a very similar experience with my mom. Did you feel pressured into having sex? Do you think if she had talked to you about specific contraceptives it would have made a difference?
We have a fully open adoption. We have each other's full personla information and have regular vists.I can't imagine it any other way. I feel open is the absolute best way to go about an adoption.
I thought that was really cool too. She had like, a TRUNK full of BM! Good on her.
Oh and BE, it looks like the One-Star-Bandit gotcha!
That must have been so hard. Thank you for sharing this.
My question is if the father is still in touch with your child?
My Blog
Thank you for answering such a difficult question. I was in the position once of whether to abort, give up for adoption or keep my child and know that it's not an easy decision.
I think that her sort of lax attitude about it made it less of a "big deal" to me than it may have otherwise been had she addressed it differently. I think she purposely made it not such a big deal because she somehow thought that if I could see it that way, it might stop me from wanting to do it at a very young age. It didn't. I didn't feel pressure, but it wasn't the big deal to me it may have been to others. We never talked about specific BC devices so to speak and yes, I think that may have changed things. I think would have asked for the pill right then.
Do you ever find yourself jealous of the adoptive parents? I don't know if I would be able to handle seeing someone else raising *my* child.
How often do you get to see her/him?
Is the adoption and your relationship with your child what you thought it was going to be when you decided to go with the adoption?
Her father is my husband. Yes we've been together for that long!
Oops I didn't realize that.
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Does your daughter know the circumstances of her adoption, like your age, etc? Do you talk about that with her, do you think knowing it will impact her choices?
Also, did your mom know you were having sex? Do you think she knew about the pregnancy before she asked you about it?
Sure, I get jealous! It has lessoned over the years, but hearing your child call someone else Mom and Dad is not easy. They were everything we weren't - the "perfect parents" - all we wanted to be. How could we not get jealous sometimes?
Right now, we visit about 1-2 times per year.
Actually, the relationship between she and us is much better than we ever imagined it would be. She is such an amazingly well rounded, good kid and this is so normal to her that her attitude towards us makes it a really productive fantastic relationship. She openly talks about her adoption and we once had to explain to her that she is not to make fun of the non-adopted children - which apparently is what she was doing!!