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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Just putting it out there...
Did you have a c/s with your daughter? For some reason, every pregnant girl at my school has had a c/s (16 and under).
(Maybe it is the state of NY or the area doctors. My mom was an L&D nurse and a witness to several 11-12-13 year olds with vaginal births, but that was about 15 years ago)
Thanks Emily. I seemed to have had more of a "putting the fear of God into me" speech. That makes much more sense.
Well, she's only 10. She knows how old I was when she was born and she has asked random questions over the years that have been answered honestly, but with her age in mind.
I certainly hope that her situation influences her decisions about teen sex. Do I think they will? Honestly, yes, I do.
Had you been going to see a doctor or anything? That is one of my biggest fears about young girls who are pregnant and scared - that they avoid telling anyone and consequently aren't getting in for the medical check ups, etc.
Wow, that's amazing! How old are you now? How did 2 teenage kids get through something like that and manage to stay together? Did your mom try to make you guys break up?
Weird story. I had found a couple online that we fell in love with. We called and it turns out, the couple has JUST adopted a little boy and had actually ordered that their website and phone number be disconnected - for whatever reason it wasn't. They mentioned a cousin also looking to adopt and since we loved them so much, we decided to meet with the family. The rest was history - they were perfect. That little boy is now my daughter's cousin and the mother, her Godmother.
They were just so regular. Down to earth, flawed, happy - just really great people. They also had adopted a little girl prior and we got to meet her. You can tell a lot about parents by meeting their 3 year old. LOL
No, she was born vaginally. Wasn't easy to find a doctor to treat me though.
I think they will too. I was having sex in high school, but when I was about 17 my mom sat me down and told me that when she was in college she got pregnant (at a super conservative evangelical college) and gave the baby up for adoption. She told me she had never regretted that decision. Knowing what my mom had been through and how strong she was totally changed my world and how careful I was with my body and my sexual decisions. Knowing she was human and knew what she was talking about made me listen a lot more.
I had had some prenatal care, yes. It was incredibly stupid of me not to be seen regularily. Incredibly.
I get this a lot! Almost NO birthparents remain together after the baby is adopted and even less actually get married and go on to have more children!
We are now 25 and 28. It was a tremendously difficult thing to get though, but my husband was my rock and I his. I always seemed to be feeling strong on the days he wasn't and vice versa. Thank God for that man.
My parents did not try to break us up. They actually had a huge amount of respect for a 16 year old kid who could have EASILY ran from this and didn't. He actually really loved me. I know - what do teenager sknow about love, right?
She calls us by our first names.
Mostly, they knew we were hanging out together. My mom had a very long commute which left my house empty a lot after school.
I am not Emily, but I can answer this. My parents were very strict with me and my HS BF in terms of curfews, not being alone, etc. etc. I didn't find out until a little later that it was because my mom had an unplanned pregnancy and gave a baby up for adoption in college.
But anyway, I thought I knew better than they did. I was in love, etc.etc. and started having sex when I was 16. How? We'd just lie to them. Say someone else was driving us home and go park in a parking lot. Tell them his mom was home when she wasn't and do it at his house. Say I was sleeping over at a girlfriend's house and sleep somewhere with his. Sleep over at places where parents were more lenient about curfew, etc. etc. I do not fault my parents AT ALL for my teenage sexual decisions. They were and are wonderful parents, who monitored me closely, spoke to me honestly, and were utterly available, logical, moral, etc. etc. It didn't matter and I found ways to do what I wanted.
I don't intend any snark, I just don't know how to ask this without it sounding judgey, when really I am just curious as I had no interest in sex at 14.
Why did you have sex at 14?
This is so awesome. For you to be so young and to have to make such a hard decision for it all to work it self out in the end. It's also super awesome that you are still with her father.
I thank you for not judging or being snarky, and I hope you can remain that way after I tell you this. I had sex before age 14 and DH was not my only partner.
I had sex for the first time, honestly because my BF at the time really wanted to. I was curious, but super scared, mostly that it would hurt. After that, I sometimes had it because I wanted to and sometimes to apease the guy. That's the honest truth.
This was me. I pretended to follow the rules, and my parents had no idea what I was up to.
I started my period at 11, so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. However, in my personal experience, that's about the age I was antsy for some action. I would have slept with Brad Pitt if I had the chance. Man, I had loads of fantasies about him when I was a young teen. If the right guy had approached me, and I was in love, I may have considered rounding a few bases, and eventually hitting a home run...
I tell DH all the time that it's a really good thing I didn't meet him in high school, because I would have been ALL over him. heh
It really isn't easy and it takes a lot to have the relationship we do - from ALL of us, but most important is that this little girl knows she's got love all around her and we feel like that's a really important thing, especially for an adopted child. I was determined we try to make certain she not have that horrible "abandonment" feeling many adoptees have. The more she knows about where she comes from, the more confident she can be. I feel it is her right to have access to her entire family - biological and adopted.
We never talked about specific BC devices so to speak and yes, I think that may have changed things. I think would have asked for the pill right then.
Regarding your statement above... even if your mom didn't specifically discuss it with you, were you aware of the pill, condoms, etc. at the time? Did you have sex ed in school? Were you aware that you could get pregnant at any time, but were just hoping that you wouldn't?Ditto. Starting at age 14. Again... makes me scared to have teenage children
The worst was lying about going to church with my bf's family and then going somewhere else or staying at his house while his family was at church. There's a special place in hell reserved for me...
I was aware of my options yes. I was not aware that I could have had access to BCP without my mom's consent. We used condoms. We had sex ed. I was aware I could become pregnant and yes, I mostly hoped that I just wouldn't.
Hmm, I started my period at 12, but I didn't get antsy for sex as result. But, maybe if I'd had a boyfriend I would have? I liked boys, but nothing more than that -- of course, being one of 15 black 7th graders in a school that worshipped blondes meant that I had limited options. Maybe had I been in a relationship would I have thought about it more. Still, though I don't know, I started dating at 16 and still didn't have sex until 18 and even then it was more curiosity than "desire".
This. It was very brave of you. Thank you for your honesty.
I will say that I was really fug in HS and that's why I didn't do it until college. I'd like to pretend I was all "moral" (whatever that is), but if I'd had a BF and had been or thought I was in love, I would probably have been sexually active at a younger age.
I think these discussions and allowing people to ask what they're curious about can't do anything but good things. Maybe you'll remember me if your daughter or son ever face an unplanned pregnancy. Maybe the way our parents reacted and how it affected DH and I, you'll think more about what you say. Maybe you will be able to better empathize with someone you know who ends up where I was. Maybe you've just alwasy been curious about something and want to ask it to someone you know will be honest? I think we can learn a lot from other's experiences, I know I have! Whynot offer to do the same? Uncomfortable as it may be, LOL!