Money Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Just putting it out there...
This made me LOL - I bet you were adorable!
FWIW - they were merely desires for me. I didn't kiss a guy until I was 16, and didn't have sex until I was 17.
Em, wasn't your daughter your flower girl in your wedding?
She even got to see Nicholas, right? I think you mentioned that a few months ago.
I think both are amazing.
Everyone's different. I was such a horn dog as a teen- I had sex for the first time when I was 14 and it was because I wanted to.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I'm definitely tucking your experience away for my approach to my future teenagers (I have no kids right now...but it's never too early to get advice from others).
Congrats - it sounds like you were able to achieve the best possible scenario from a very difficult situation.
She most certainly was - most beautiful little flower girls you've ever seen too! She adores Nicholas! She waited for him the a similar anxiety we did! She was bugging me for a baby brother (yes, a boy specifically) since her 7th birthday. She asked, "Um, I'm 7 you know? Don't you think it's time I get a baby brother?" She thought he should be named after my husband since she is named after me. We agreed with her - and now Nick's middle name is DH's first and my middle name is our daugther's first. She was thirlled when she learned we were expecting! We were most excited to tell her and her parents could.not.wait!
Also, from what her mom told me, she talked about her baby brother so often that people thought she was pregnant and she kept having to explain it was ME that was PG, LOL.
Thank you. It was absolutely paramount that we somehow make this situation as positive as possible for our child.
Thank you very much. You should know that means a lot to me.
Oh, no it was bad, lol!
And, on a much more serious note, your situation hits home for me because my parents considered abortion and then adoption for me, though they backed out of the adoption at the last minute. Being "raised" (I use the term loosely) by my bio parents made the first 2/3 of my life a living hell, and I'm still learning to deal with it. Not that you would've been bad parents, but I think you and your husband made the most selfless decision you could, and I applaud you.
I did answer this already, but I'm sure you don't want to go though all the posts!
Yes, I knew about both and we used condoms almost every time. If I had known I could have gotten the pill without my mom's consent, I probably would have.
How does her mother feel about the "baby brother" talk, when she has a sibling in that family? Is there ever boundary issues, like who is the mom in charge?
I am sorry that you haven't had the best experience as a child. I am glad you are learning to deal with that. I don't believe we would have been "bad parents" per se but I do feel that the best parenting we could have done for our child at that time was to allow her to be parented by other people. More in control, stable and ready people. Hell, if I had the choice, I'd have chosen them over us if I were our daugther. But seriously, I hope that you find a way to get past the choices your parents made. Think of it as character building if you can...HUGS
She's fine with it and joins in! We have never had any real boundary issues about who is the "mom" or "in charge". Nick is her baby brother, no denying that. Her parents are incredibly secure with themselves and this relationship. This has been incredibly helpful as it has grown. It is incredibly important that boundaries be set from day one and that the child never become "confused". We must know our roles, be secure in who we are and repsect each other.
I am really glad that I was able to shed some light for you. To be honest, I tend also to be very black/white and right/wrong. For me, it was just wrong to keep a child I KNEW I could not properly care for. Actually going through the process was very gray though!
I had tears in my eyes until I read that she is named after you, now I am crying. That is so sweet.
Thanks for sharing your story. I have so much respect for you, having gone through all of this.
You are so sweet and thank you so much for your kind words and for reading. They really mean a lot to me.
You are so sweet and thank you so much for your kind words and for reading. Both really mean a lot to me.
You are so sweet and thank you so much for your kind words and for reading. Both really mean a lot to me.
That's great that she sees your little guy as a positive. I was going to ask if she was jealous because you kept him.
Thank you for sharing your story - DH doesn't want to consider adoption as an IF treatment, but having a positive story might help his outlook.
Jim & Kristen ~ August 19, 2006
She has displayed no signs of jealousy that I am aware of. It is something we thought about.
I'm interested!
Good enough for me: