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will discrepancy in education level lead to marital problems?
I'm almost done with law school and engaged to be married right before I graduate. My FI is ex-military and now works at the electric company. He makes a comfortable salary, has room to grow, and its a good stable career in a technical field that suits him rather well.
The discrepancy in our education level as has never been a problem between us. However, my parents are convinced that once I actually become an attorney, he'll pull a 180 and develop issues. They are telling me to put it off the wedding at least a year so that we can see how we interact once I'm working in the legal field.
My parents are very biased, which is why I'm posing this question to strangers. lol They don't like that I'm "living in sin" with my fiance, and have made a "boundary" that "the man I'm sleeping with isn't family just because we're sleeping together, and thus he's not allowed at their home on holidays or on Sunday." I've stood by my fiance, and my parents have so far been willing to not see me on holidays and Sundays rather than allow him over and give in. Somehow they think it would mean that they are "ok" with my lifestyle choice.
My instinct was to ignore this comment because of the source. However, I didn't want to be naive either. So here I am. 
We've attended pre-marriage counseling, and we've spoken at length about expectations regarding careers and how it will affect our marriage and the family we want to have. I truly believe that this won't drive us apart or be a problem.
On the practical side, we both admit that our financial stability could be affected if he suddenly has to look for a job without a college degree. He has decided that his backup plan would be to make an active career out of the military, something I would support if its what he really wants. He's also interested in electrical engineering, and plans on pursuing that degree if we have to move for my job.
Finally, my question: have any of you ladies been in a relationship with significant education discrepencies? Has it been an issue? Or, are my parents being snobs? lol If nothing else, its an interesting topic for debate
Re: will discrepancy in education level lead to marital problems?
Do I think it is a problem for ALL couples, no. Do I think down the road it could be a BIG issue? YES!
I think your parents idea is worth considering(although honestly i think they are both douches for the whole holiday sunday thing) why not wait? What is the rush? you are only 23
What does your BF do?
He's also interested in electrical engineering, and plans on pursuing that degree if we have to move for my job.
If he is so interested in it why will he only pursue it IF you have to move?
Yes your parents sound like snobs, but to be a snob you have to be small minded and that is what they are, also rude and slightly obnoxious.
Here's the thing, when you graduate with a Degree in Law you will know more about the Law than your FI and that is all. He may be way worldlier than you, more open minded and just 'get' life easier than you. Especially if you grew up in such a small minded family environment.
I have a degree and my Fi left school at 16. He owns 2 businesses and is very successful in what he does. I am more book smart than he BUT he is way more approachable than I am if that makes sense. He has a way with people, is well liked and respected in the community. He is also very driven in his career.
He grew up in a loving stable family environment and handles home life better than I, in fact I have learned so much about being a family from him(my parents are divorced).
Currently we are building our dream home and his knowledge and skills are invaluable. He is basically doing it by hand and I am in awe of how he juggles work, the build, the upcoming wedding, being a father and everything yet still makes time to be the most loving thoughtful FI. I genuinely would crumble if I had to deal with half of what he deals with.
It sounds like you may be worried that your FI lacks motivation or has no aspirations to better himself. If that is the case then yes it could be a problem as you may resent him for that. Is that your parents concern?
I can see how it could be a problem for some couples, but I think it really depends on the couple and the personalities of the individuals. I have 2 college degrees and my DH has a H.S. diploma and is enlisted AF. He's is a very laid back kind of guy and could care less that I make more than him. His mind set is that as long as we have a roof over our heads and the bills are paid, it doesn't really matter who makes what. Really it has never been an issue for us. We live very comfortably and don't want for anything.
And I have to agree with a previous poster...if he is interested in EE, why wait to pursue it if you have to move? Did he not get his GI bill from being prior military?
I have to ditto mags- why will he only pursue it if you have to move?
As for your parents, this is kind of a "the boy who cried wolf" situation to a degree. Their concern is valid, but as they have issue w/ a LOT about your FI and your relationship w/ him, by the time they brought this up,you're done listening and don't care what they have to say (I mean- you do or you wouldn't be asking, but I know I'm giving them the side eye based on their overall attitude and this concern of theirs just doesn't hold as much water as it would otherwise).
In the end, it boils down to you and your FI and the TWO OF YOU not having a problem with it. And this also involves being impervious to outside pressure and judgement.
Personal story- my DH went to law school and was an attorney for over 10 years. Two years ago he left the law and is now a deckhand on a tugboat. he wants to become a captain. He loves the water and he truly is pursuing his passion.
But since this move, when people ask me "what does your DH do" and I tell them, I'm often met w/ "Oh, really? A deckhand? Huh, that's interesting.". It's only if I then tell them he used to be an attorney and is pursuing his passion that I get "Oh- wow- that's awesome! Good for him!".
I don't care what people think, but there is a certain judgement in their reaction. And this is what you and your FI are going to have to be prepared for. If you have a social work function that spouses come to, and everyone is asking about what the spouses do, and (lets just say) all the other spouses are also attorneys (which is often the case), or at least have careers that require a college degree, and there is your FI w/o his degree- how are the two of you going to feel in that moment? "Oh, you're an electrician....." w/ the unspoken word being "just".
This is where the cracks can start w/ the disparity in education. It's one thing to say NOW "Oh- it won't bother us, we won't care", and you may truly not. But at the same time, it IS an issue that could possibly start to wear on your FI in time. Your "snobby" coworkers and friends who he doesn't like and doesn't want to be around - etc etc etc.
It is food for thought, and you do need to be prepared.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I do think it's slightly ironic that your parents want you to "live in sin" for another year rather than get married. Then again, they sound like wackos so they're probably hoping you and your FI will break up.
Here's my experience: DH has a college degree, in a few years I'll have a doctorate. Has it caused problems for us? No, not really, except that I've been in graduate school for most of our relationship, which creates its own problems. The biggest issue for us is that because my career means I'll have to move wherever I get a job, he had to accept that in some ways my career was going to be a higher priority.
I'd also add that since you are young, it wouldn't be a bad idea to wait to get married, though not for your parents' reason exactly. Transitioning from school to your career (and taking the bar exam) could be a challenge, and throwing a wedding and new marriage into the mix might cause more stress. But whatever you choose, do it for your own reasons rather than falling for your parents' scare tactics.
I have a post graduate degree and DH graduated HS. Its not a problem for us, he is far more worldly than I am which balances us out nicely.
1 thing I have to say is that up until about 4 years ago DH made 1 1/2 times as much as I did, then the place he was managing closed due to hurricane damage, he moved fields and we made the same, then the recession hit and he was laid off and was unable to find a job for about 6 months and took job that paid poorly but had good bennies just to be working and now I make twice what he does. The field I work in is very stable and because of my education I command a good salary, this has enabled us to remain where we are and maintain our standard of living.
If you both discuss it honestly before marriage and are on the same page, then it shouldn't cause a problem. But if it's not addressed honestly (or at all) then it could become a problem.
DH and I are on different levels education wise, I finish college and he didn't. Plus I am applying to law schools this month. He is supportive and is kind of looking forward to the day when I make more money than him. But he is also considering going back to school after I graduate and have established my career.
I'm going to ditto the pp's, why is your FI waiting until you move to go back to school? Why can't he start now (e.g.: take classes at night)?
As both I and the poster before you laid out- when they are going to social events for her firm and people are asking about "what do you do", how is he going to feel if he senses judgement over and over and over? As the PP said, hopefully the people will be gracious enough to at least hide their judgement if they have any - but not everyone is like that.
It is very much a reality that many attorney's (in my experience as the spouse of one) marry other attorney's or at least people w/ some kind of degree past high school.
I truly hope that he has the self esteem and confidence to not let this bother him. But they do need to be prepared for the reality of what it will be like in the moment of possibly being judged.
He may not care that people have a problem w/ what he does, but he may stop wanting to be around people who judge him. He may get tired of going to social events for her firm where he knows that everyone gives him the side-eye. But if it's expected that spouses go to these events, how is she going to feel if he starts to say "I'm done. I'm not going to subject myself to being around those people anymore?".
There are a million different kinds of firms out there, and a part of it depends on what kind of law she goes in to. BUT - if she goes to a larger firm who has clients they need to wine and dine, having to socialize as a couple is probably going to become a part of their life.
Honestly- I've been a bit stunned by the judgement I've felt when I tell people what my DH does now. It is absolutely out there and they will most likely be subjected to it to some degree.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have been in that situation and it did not work. My BF at the time was so threatened by me going to law school that he treated me badly and put me down a lot. I found it to be difficult to find a man to date who wasnt' threatened by my education and drive. So, the fact that your FI isn't threatened by you career goals is very good.
A few things to consider: how would you both feel if you out-earned him? how would you both feel if it made sense financially for him to stay home with your kids vs. you? how would you both feel if you both have to contribute to pay off your law school debt or if your law school debt (if you will have any) makes it harder for you to SAH with your kids, buy a larger house, have more kids, etc? What if your FI wants you to work harder and earn more than you want to b/c you have more potential?
MH does have a degree, but I still out earn him and we have still had to deal with some of these issues even though he supports my career goals.
Congrats on almost being done law school! Similarly, I finished law school last year, and my FI took an early retirement after many years from the military. He is going back to school to get his education degree. Originally he was a non-commissioned member (combat engineer) in the army, however, did his degree during his enlistment and spent several years as an officer in the Air Force. However he is currently unemployed until he does start school and is comfortable with the situation (as I am), though sometimes others who don't know us well or our situation are a bit taken aback when he says that right now he "does whatever he wants"
Anyway, differences in education per say don't cause problems. It can cause problems if either of you makes it a problem. For example, if he resents you for your education rather than going back and doing his, etc.
For example, I guess I am concerned your FI's backup plan is the military if that is not what he would really want, rather than go back to school as he does want. I am projecting a bit there, as I know there is no way FI ever wants to go back into the military again (for many reasons) and if he were to do that as a backup plan, he would be miserable about it!
I think related things that can be a problem are:
- Disagreement as to how to prioritize careers and education. For example, must he wait to go to school until you are more financially stable? Whose career takes priority? Is one of you settling for a career you don't want because of the other's career? Are you both okay with that? If one of you has to move for work, are you both okay with that or do you stay for the others career....and on and on. How comfortable are you with working hours/workload and so forth (i.e. as a new attorney, your workload and hours will likely be significant) - how do you balance that with home life? How does he?
- Significant differences in intelligence - this is of course not automatically related to educational achievements, though there can be some correlations. Studies show that those couples with parity in intelligence tend to be healthier/happier. Great disparities can lead to some unequal dynamics between couples that lead to resentments, and so forth.
Anyway, personally, my relationships have generally been with someone with similar education achievements (different fields, but similar). Before I went back to law school (went back several years after undergrad) I dated some people with more advanced levels of education with no issues. I now have a more advanced level of education than FI. However, it has never been an issue as the intellectual parities have been there, and there has always been some higher level of education (i.e. university of some sort). Even if it is not the same exact education - not everyone has an interest in the same things! FI would have no problem getting into law school and excelling, but it is not where his interests are for example. I would probably be a good teacher, but not a GREAT one as my passion would not be there. I definitely could not have done the trade he had in the Air Force - as it was not the area my "smarts" are in though I could of done another trade (I am a former military member as well)
And, for me, education is always there to be pursued, throughout life. FI is going back to get his second degree at 35. I went back to get my law degree in my later 20's. New careers are also always there to be pursued. I have experimented a few times, and imagine I will change them again one day, perhaps!
I will share however that my mother, who has a couple degrees, as well as well as further education through professional training, and is a very high level executive has been with my stepfather, who barely finished high school and is a train mechanic, for almost 25 years. Very different educational backgrounds, but very intellectually similar and compliment one another with different strengths and weaknesses.
I think an even bigger problem here is your family's treatment of your relationship and FI. I don't imagine they are going to be more accepting once you are married, and that is going to cause a lot of strain down the road if you aren't cautious of it. I am aware you "stick by" FI, but I still hope you are exploring this in pre-marital counseling.
I think it's great that you're thinking about all of this. Despite your wacko parents (no offense intended) you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
I don't think it has to matter one bit, but that is going to be very dependent on the two personalities in the couple. I have a master's degree, my H has one year of college. Neither of us care at all. He's as smart as I am, reads as voraciously as I do, etc. For me it would be difficult if I saw some manifestation of the educational difference but in our case it really is just a piece of paper.
I can think of a LOT of couples where there are similar differences. My ex is a veterinarian and his wife is a hostess in a restaurant. The problems arise, IMO, when one or both people in the couple worry excessively about what other people think. Or they associate with people that are snobby about this sort of thing. I hate people like that and my friends, although generally highly educated people, would NEVER presume to consider themselves more worthy of anything than any other person. That's why I love them.
ECB, I love that story about your H, and it is a great illustration of how people judge. My dad did the same thing--quit law after many years and started renovating houses.
So, OP, it doesn't have to mean a thing, but it could depending on your personalities, insecurities, and/or the type of people you choose to hang out with.
As PPs said, a discrepancy in education levels can be a problem for some couples -- and for some others it isn't.
I'm curious, though. What kind of law do you want to practice? If you want to work at a big firm, as a previous poster said, you just need to be aware that big firms tend to be very status-conscious and many of your colleagues are likely to be surprised that he is "just" an electrician. Some people wouldn't be bothered by that, but you need to think now about how you would handle that kind of situation. (If you're going into a different area of law -- criminal defense, for example -- this isn't likely to be a big issue. But at larger firms, it will be.)
I myself have felt a lot of unspoken judgments because of what my DH does. He works in a more blue collar setting, but in management, and has three college degrees. Nevertheless, those who don't know much about his line of work assume that he doesn't have college degrees and sometimes act like I "settled" (which isn't true at all). It surprised me the first few times I encountered it, and now I handle it with a one sentence story about his education and prior work experience, which tends to throw the judger for a loop and make them feel a little embarrassed about their assumption.
It sounds like your parents may be more worried about a lack of ambition rather than a discrepancy in education. And I think it is a lack of ambition that causes more problems than a discrepancy in education per se... e.g. if one partner is very education- and career-focused, and the other doesn't care at all about bettering him or herself education- or career-wise. That can lead to resentment and problems.
If your FI is interested in electrical engineering, why isn't he taking steps to enroll in engineering school? If you're a 3L, I guess I understand why he wouldn't want to enroll somewhere until he knows where you will have a job, but he could at least be preparing for the SAT or ACT, investigating engineering programs in the cities you are considering moving to, investigating financial aid options (does he get GI Bill benefits if he's ex-military?), etc.
Two more thoughts:
If you two really are okay with this discrepancy, it can be a great way to quickly weed out people in life who aren't worth your time or friendship. If you sense judgment, you'll know it quickly and then you won't waste your time cultivating a relationship with them.
A lot of this can be influenced by how you present the situation. In all of the replies talking about law firms and the expectations and status consciousness of some of those firms--if they ask what your H does and you say electrician and then there is an awkward pause...if you jump in and say "I love it because his job is so different from mine, we never run out of things to talk about" or "I admire him so much, it's incredible the projects he's been able to work on". I can't think of more examples but I think you get my point.
Really, if you two truly don't care about this, and he is your intellectual equal (very important), screw anyone who judges!
DH and I have discussed this quite a bit- I don't think this has as much to do with a difference in education as it has to do with a difference in the perceived prestige of your careers and an issue of social class- white collar vs. blue collar work.
You're pursuing a position in the white collar world while some may consider your FI's work as blue collar. The thing is, as an electrician, your FI has to have a strong knowledge of physics and engineering which he probably developed while in the military. He has to use both his mind AND body to do the work that he does.
In our home, we refer to those that do technical work as 'green collar'- those that have an education and a skilled career but do a physical job. DH and I both have BS degrees and I'm pursuing my graduate degree, as well. I'm in Environmental Science and DH is in Electromechanical Engineering. We both work outside, wear steel-toed boots, orange vests and hard hats to work. To a lawyer, we'd probably look like construction laborers but the fact is that we've put in just as much time into our education, certifications and licenses as lawyers have put into their education and the bar exam.
I think it is silly that your parents assume that your FI doesn't have degree and will feel insecure about yours. Do they know about the commitment he made to serve our country and the time he spent honoring that commitment? Do they know about the training he received during his time in the service? Do they know that a technical position requires quite a bit of knowledge in the field of science? To me, it doesn't sound like your FI has anything to feel insecure about. If he has self-confidence and is happy in what he does, he won't be intimidated at all by someone that thinks of him as 'just an electrician.'
An American Girl's Travels
That's the thing, though. Discussing it NOW and saying "oh, we dont' care" is all well and good, but they need to be realistic about what the reality of it could be.
Exactly...what doesnt bother you now may very well bother you 10,15 years down the road. A lot of people are giving examples of how they have no problems with it, but most of these people have also only been married a few years at the most!
discrepancy in intelligence levels, motivation and values are problems, but discrepencies in education level is only a problem if you make it so. I would always live on less than 2 incomes- and compile a 6 month expense emergency fund.
If your FI is interested in a degree I would support that choice. If not, he needs marketable skills at a minimum. If his current job makes him employable elsewhere - he is OK, if not, then he needs to seriously consider going to school and getting that piece of paper.
Your parents are off the deep end. Ignore them.
Just FYI, the people who have the advanced degrees (your colleagues, and lawyers) are not the only ones who are going to be snobs. There is just as much "snobbism" coming from the bottom (your dh's colleagues who have no degrees) as there are from the people with advanced degrees.
DH comes from a large family, and not everyone went to college. His immediate family is fine, but there are a LOT of people in his extended family who make comments that really put down a college education "oh, books aren't everything," "real life experience is more important, etc." Some of these people make good salaries (many are public service employees), but I don't deal with them at parties b/c it seems they go out of their way to make a negative comment about post-high school degrees.
I came from a family where everyone had a college degree, or if they didn't, worked like dogs so that their KIDS could have one and really valued that degree. A college degree was like a nose - you took it for granted unless it wasn't there.
I agree with sisugal that more important than that "piece of paper" that a degree represents is the hard work, intelligence, and motivation, and values that are behind that. If you and dh are even in that way, and strong enough to deal with people like your parents and dh's un-educated relatives, then you will be ok.
Hm... I anticipate this will become a hotly debated thread! Here's my $.02:
I think it depends on the couple and their situation, but that it certainly CAN be a recipe for disaster.
Here's how it can go wrong: You get a job at a high profile firm in which the attorneys are expected to engage in the social life of the other attorneys and with clients. You might be expected to host "classy" business events at your home, drive a certain type of car, attend events outside of work that involve rubbing elbows with other, wealthy professionals. Meanwhile your H thinks lawyers (except for you) are money-grubbing a-holes without a grain of real-world, common sense, he resents having to socialize with "the guys" from the firm who snub him for being a blue-collar guy, and his bitterness constantly tugs at you. He resents your job; you are tempted to remind him that it's YOUR job that largely pays for the lifestyle he's come to enjoy.
However, my H and I know a happily married couple who are basically in your situation. She's a prosecutor; he's a plumber. She remains down to earth and never bought into the "I'm so superior because of my J.D." attitude that can be prevalent in some firms. He understands that her job requires some social time be spent at functions with other lawyers, some of whom will look down on him for being a plumber. It helps that he makes almost as much money as she does. They remain focused on family (spending money sending their kids to private school) rather than on fancy cars or items bought just to maintain a certain "lawyerly" image.
True. But talking about it could also get him (or her) to admit that they would in fact, have an issue with her making more money than him. Then they could figure out if it's a dealbreaker or not.
My sticking point on "talking", though, is that right now, in the here and now, they can easily both genuinely feel and think "Oh- this isn't a problem, we dont' care". But when the reality of being judged hits them, it could change their take on this in a totally unexpected way.
And there really is nothing they can do about that now. I'm just putting it out there as a "this is what could happen" so that they can think about it, be aware of it, and be prepared for it so that if is does happen (and it may not!), they aren't totally knocked over by it and don't understand what is happening.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ditto everything Sisugal said. I'd add though, that discrepency in education is not an issue in and of itself, but discrepencies in intellectual curiosity could be a big road block.
I wanted to "ditto" ECB's point that this is easily something that a young couple could talk about now and feel they'd done "due diligence" in discussing... then find out 7 or 8 years down the road that the education level discrepancy is a MUCH bigger issue than they'd thought it would be. I think it's very easy for a young couple, even after reading good, solid, real-world advice such as has been presented in the replies so far to think as follows:
HER: I won't ever think less of my H because he doesn't have a degree or a professional job -- who would be so crass as to think that way!? I love him! And if any snobby boss ever implied that he didn't fit in, I'd just have to stand up for my husband! I'm fine with doing that.
HIM: I don't care what job she has. Why would I care if my wife makes a lot of money. And to people who look down on me for being an electrician, I'd just say "you're a bunch of jerks" and who cares what you think?
But the reality might be SOOOO much more complex.
So, to the OP, I would say the best advice is to wait to get married until you get through school, the bar exam, clerkship or first job, and your first job as a lawyer. Wait until you're with a firm or company where you feel committed and want to put down roots. Test the waters of your job and your relationship. THEN if it seems to be the case that this will work for the two of you, get married.
i haven't read all of the responses.
my parents had/have identical concerns for me, and my mother voiced them more than once when i was dating and engaged to DH. i was in college when we got together, am now done with my MA and applying for PhD programs. DH has a high school diploma and NO plans to go further in school. he hates school with a passion.
so far (we've been married for 4.5 years) it hasn't been an issue. this may change someday when i have a PhD, but i hope not. we both have a lot of respect for the other and the other's personal values. DH knows how important education is to me. likewise, i understand why he doesn't want any for himself. he's one of the smartest people i know, and has taught himself a ton of programming languages and stuff on the computer. but he doesn't function well in classroom environments. he's way more self-motivated than i am, though, for independent learning. we both know that his lack of schooling will likely hurt his earning potential over the years, but not any more than my chosen field of study (i'm in one of the fine arts).
I agree with others that a lot of it boils down to your personalities and how well you handle criticism and judgment (even unspoken) from outsiders. I think it has the potential to be harder on your DH than you. A lot of men tend to be hard on themselves about being "providers," or whatever. He needs a very balanced world-view, strong sense of direction, and self-esteem/confidence in his "masculinity" to deal with these potential issues.
Beyond that, I also agree with the point that it's more about intelligence and intellectual curiosity than education. I don't think differences in education will necessarily cause problems; however, I am SURE that large discrepancies in intelligence will cause issues, most likely serious ones. I have seen it happen and it's painful.
So, I know it's rough to put it bluntly, but I think a more important question is to honestly ask yourself whether you and your FI are mental/intellectual equals. He doesn't have to be as "book smart" as you, but still, overall you need to be at a similar mental level. You need to be able to stimulate each other. You both need to sort of think at the same speed, if you know what I mean (i.e., you shouldn't be able to win every argument by outwitting him). You should feel confident that if you face a huge life problem together, he will be an equal partner in coming up with solutions, making plans, etc. That you can bounce things off of him and he will be able to offer responses that you don't find laughable. And, for example, if you're big into reading classic literature, it's fine if he's not into it... but you need the type of person who has actually done at least some reading and has a basic understanding of why it appeals to you, who respects your interest and will make an occasional effort to share in it with you. All this is far more important than education and to a large extent it doesn't even have anything to do with education.
I haven't seen anything to indicate that you two do have any problems in this regard. That's just my two cents in regard to intellectual equality being much more important than formal education.
I honestly think it takes a pretty special set of circumstances for that kind of discrepency to NOT have a detrimental affect on a relationship.
Of course you don't see it now. But I've seen it happen to more than one couple.
As many other pps have pointed out, you will both face judgement from your respective peers. If there's a huge discrepency in your incomes, there's likely to be feelings of bitterness/resentment. Feelings of inadequacy and unequal power in the relationship. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
Here's the thing. I've been to law school, and I've been a first year lawyer. I think that if he's able to handle the sort of hours that law school requires, and if you're both able to be compassionate and understanding about the other's needs, and if you can communicate your own, then you'd probably be perfectly ok regardless of what you end up choosing to do. However, you should know that the transition between law school and lawyer is NOT easy and there are going to be quite a few major changes.
1) you're not going to be able to leave your work at work. No matter what you do, for at least that first year, your clients are going to get to you. You're going to want to talk about your cases - a LOT - even if you can manage to leave the actual paperwork at the office. You're going to be in situations you've never been in before, and no matter how brave you actually are, you're going to spend a good amount of time freaking out. Now, some people are like that in law school too, but I really wasn't. But, I've never heard of a person who had it easy as their first year as a lawyer. I don't know about you, but the stress made me a giant biatch for days on end until I could learn how to handle it and put it to the side.
2) People are going to be looking at you differently. You automatically have a certain amount of respect from others. Whether right or wrong, the guys who work for the electric company tend not to get that sort of deference. It might be easily shrugged off by the two of you, or it could go to your head.
3) I don't know what your study habits were, but I probably worked an average of 8-9 hours a day while in law school. My first year as a lawyer, I was averaging 10 hours a day, plus an extra four hours or so on weekends.
4) You're going to have your own earned money for what might be the first time in your life. It's tough having to fork it over and discuss whether or not to use it on whatever expensive purchase you've been craving. A year gives you the opportunity to know what it's like to actually be earning money, and be over the giddiness of it.
These changes in your environment may or may not change you in any measurable way. However, I'd lay 9 to 1 odds that you'll grow significantly as a person and a lawyer, and you're going to end up feeling completely differently about yourself at the end of your first year than you did in the beginning of your first year. Your fiance might be perfectly capable of growing with you, being supportive of you, and end up at the end of that year still the perfect person for you. Of course he might also start to resent you. But neither of you really KNOW until you're there what's going to end up happening. And the last thing that either of you needs is additional pressure while this is happening.
It is not a guarantee, but it is a very real possibility.
The things that are important to you at 23 aren't necessarily going to be the same things that are important to you at 27/30/35 whatever. I'm 27, when I was 23 I was convinced I knew it all. I claimed that I (like every other 23 year old) was mature for my age. Looking back, I was a fricking idiot. I still think I was in a better position than many 23 year olds, but I was still 23 and there is only so much maturity a 23 year old can have.
So do I think postponing the wedding for a year is a good idea? Yeah I do, but not necessarily for the same reasons your parents do. Now, I don't think you actually will, but I think it would be a good idea. You have a lot of growing up to do. You haven't lived in the real world yet, and that is a big shock and a lot of changes will occur during that time.
I agree with this. DH had a BA, and I have a BA and 3 MA degrees. My family does not (openly, anyway) judge DH, and most everyone in my family has a degree from an ivy league school (DH's is an unknown state school). DH's family, on the other hand, has regularly called me "hi-fallutin" (I have NO idea how to spell that), and they tell him that I settled for him and that someday, I'll leave him for someone smarter. By the way, DH is WAY smarter than I am. I kept going to college because it kept being free...
Anyway, the judging can come from both sides, but as far as I'm concerned, if you two have talked about it and you're ok with it, who cares what your wack-a-doo parents think? They sound weird.