Sex & Romance
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Is this grounds for breakup?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Recently I learned that he's been messaging other girls online for about the last 2 months. I havent told him I know about this. The messages are basically dirty talk so that he can get off... sexting via the Internet. It's not the same girl over and over, its usually a different girl every time. Most of them dont even live in the same state as we do. He never wants to know much about them. He just wants to get off, maybe get them off if they want, and then he's done talking to them. He's even told some of these girls that he has a girlfriend.
This past summer I found some similar messages, and I told him I didnt like it and asked him to stop doing it. He said he wouldnt do it anymore, and to the best of my knowledge, he hasnt, until recently.
A few days ago, I found a somewhat subtle way of asking him if he'd been messaging other girls again and he told me no. I told him that I could tell by the look on his face that he was lying, or wasnt telling me something. We talked some more about it, and while he still denied having messaged anyone, he said he'd never cheat on me, wants us to be together for a very long time, and it kinda seemed like he doesnt consider what he was doing to be cheating, even though he admitted that if I were doing it, he'd be upset.
So I dont really know what I should do about this. I know he doesnt have feelings for any of these girls. I dont have any problem with him watching porn, and to me this seems like porn with a little interaction and no imagery. It does bother me a little, I'll admit. I'm just worried that he'd take it too far and end up having a real life affair. The thing that bothers me the most is that he's lying about it. I dont know if he's lying because he simply cant be trusted, or if it's because he's embarrassed (I only say that because I know that he's a little embarrassed if I find out that he's been watching porn).
I let this go the first time because he's 22 and I thought maybe this is something he'll grow out of... just an immature stupid thing that he'll lose interest in as he gets older. Wishful thinking maybe. I dont know.
How would you feel in this situation? What do you think you I should do?
Re: Is this grounds for breakup?
Honestly, I would have dumped him the first time this came up. This is definitely dump-worthy. This goes way beyond porn - would it be ok if he met up with a woman and had one sexual encounter, then left her?
You don't have to force yourself to accept this. You are still dating - the point of dating is to find out if YOU want to be with HIM. You get to make this choice. There are so many men out there who will treat you well and NOT "sext" strangers and possibly do more than this. Especially since he's lying now, you cannot ever trust him again.
Dump him!
My ex was constantly chatting with other girls online! I caught him, he said it would stop, and guess what...it NEVER stopped!
you don't need a reason to break up with anyone if you're not married.
that said, i think you do have a reason. he's not respecting you because he's talking to ACTUAL PEOPLE. it's different than porn that is a fantasy and he has little chance of actually meeting anyone in a porno.
there are more than 4 men in the world. move on.
"Is this grounds for a break-up?"
Yes.
The bottom line is, you've told him you don't like it, he's lying to you and doing it anyway. All this business about whether or not he has feelings for these girls or any real life contact doesn't matter.
There are guys out there who will actually take your feelings in to account for things like this. Your guy doesn't happen to be one of them. Move on!
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Recently I learned that he's been messaging other girls online for about the last 2 months. I havent told him I know about this. The messages are basically dirty talk so that he can get off... sexting via the Internet.
Yes it is.
DTHMFA (dump the horny mo fo already -- I added a bit of a modification)
He's not only cheating and acting very inappropriately, it's quite possible he has a sex addiction or is well on his way towards having one.
You should have dropped him yesterday. No, he won't grow out of it.
He's not only a possible sex addict, he's lied to you to. Get rid of him.
This is an undeniably excellent reason to end the relationship. He's cheating on you, without question. Technically, it hasn't gotten physical yet (or supposedly hasn't), but what do you think the endgame is considering his behavior?
This has nothing to do with immaturity. I would have known when I was 13 that it would be wrong to do what he's done and I certainly would have known it was wrong to lie about it.
DTMFA.
and also, you could dump him even if it wasn't cheating. You don't need to have like, an airtight alibi for a breakup.
Grounds for breakup? Lol. Anything is grounds for breakup, that's what dating is all about.
You should dump him. He's cheating on you and lying about it. He lied straight to your face. What else is he lying about? He's lying because he can't be trusted.
I'm dying right now.
This exactly. You don't outgrow being a total douche.
Dump him!!
GET TESTED.
One never knows. Be safe.
This has to be MUD, right? No one could possibly think it's fine to stay with a guy who is cheating on you constantly with multiple partners. And it only bothers you a little?
In any case, if it's real please dump this lying loser, because he's only going to escalate and try to explain to you that one night stands aren't really cheating because he has no feelings for those girls.
Smock, I guess the OP thinks all of this will stop once he gets a good dose of marriage. Will infuse him with responsibility and maturity and what the heck, his single days are over, right?
Is this really a question?
Of course it's grounds for break-up...My question to you is why did you stay after the first time?
Where's the OP? She must have not liked the responses. I however, agree with PP's. I'd dumb him. You deserve a whole heck of a lot better!
I'm sure you have thought ''but he can change...'' ''I love him too much...'' ''I've always thought he's the one...'' '' I need to be forgiving...''
Or maybe you haven't. But whatever you have been telling yourself that makes you justify the fact that you should stay with him ... you need to reconsider. Take care of yourself girly!
GL!
pink,
that's horrible... i believe you SHOULD mind that he is looking at porn as well as sexting. he is getting himself off to A DIFFERENT naked woman. don't you see how cheap that is? i'd nip that in the bud early if i were you. he's completely divorcing love and communication from sex. doesn't matter if you dont' think he's doing that when he's with you. the fact that he has to do that with other girls or look at porn is showing that he's trying to satisfy himself with sexual things in a very, very greedy way. this is not what sex is for. i would be so done with that. gross.