Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Is this grounds for breakup?
I was in an identical situation with a boyfriend I dated for 2 1/2 years... it doesn't get better. You CAN NOT change someone. They have to decide to change. And with an addiction, and yes, it's an addiction to getting off, he needs to get some help from a counselor or group. One group that is very good is "Be Broken"-it leans more toward religious counseling, but is very good.
My ex promised he would stop, and he did... for awhile. Every time he did it again, he got sneakier. It escalated into not being just random women, but younger girls, some men, and actually meeting up with women for sex.
You need to leave, for your safety if nothing else. It will be hard, really hard, but you will be much better off. If you start feeling like it is your fault, you should also seek some counseling. I didn't and dealt with insecurities (and still stuggle sometimes) that affected later relationships.
Good luck, and I'm really sorry you have to go through this.
I HAVE to jump in. You sound like me in 2006. PLEASE PLEASE read.
My ex did this to me. He used to go on Craigslist's Personals (the random let's hook up ones) and he would email back and forth w/ girls thru a secret email and jerk off while doing these emails. I found them, confronted him and he was so embarrassed and remorseful (or so I thought). He was crying how upset he was and how this is just how he gets himself off--it's thrilling, etc. I kicked him out of our apartment. We weren't engaged yet, just living together. After a week, he had gotten books on web addictions and called a counselor. He and WE went to counseling, he played the game he needed to so I'd think he was remoreseful, sad, and wanted a fresh start. I stood by someone I thought had an addiction.
I should have never stayed.
We got married in 2008 and 8 months later, I discovered he was having an affair. Who was the woman? A girl he met on Craigslist!!! I remember when I found out and asked details, I said to him "When did you start going back online talking to people?" he said "About a year ago..." I said "So, talking to them wasn't enough anymore, huh, you had to meet someone in real life?" And he shook his head 'yes' and honestly, didn't seem as ashamed anymore--it's like he accepted this about himself and was gonna live this way--whereas years ago, he was so sad and ashamed and wanted to "Change" (again, or so I thought).
That night I found out, I left our home (and relationship), drove to my parents' house and never looked back. I made him leave the house, I got a lawyer, and sold our home within a month. I moved out, got my own place, and got divorced for real in Sept.
I wish I could go back to the me in 2006 and say "it's okay to leave. You WILL be okay. You WILL meet someone else. You DON'T have to be with him. You really can leave. You will survive this breakup and see a brighter and better day." But I didn't think I could leave, deep down, back then. I felt like he was the best it was gonna get for me.....I didn't deserve more.....but I did.
Please dump him. Who cares about your history, what you've invested, that you see yourself marrying him......that was me. I did marry mine and MAN, it sucked having a dream wedding and a marriage I thought was real to only find---he was a pathological liar w/ NO conscience AT ALL!
Someday, talking to people online for sexual thrills will lose its thrill....he'll need more.
He's 22. He's not the guy you're going to marry. Move on.
Dump him. If he doesn't respect you now he won't respect you later.
Run, run far far away!