Sex & Romance
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anyone else waiting?
My fiance and I are both strong Christians and want to wait to have sex until after we're married. Its been hard, but we still haven't given in. Is anyone else waiting? If you're already married and you waited, was it worth it?
Re: anyone else waiting?
My husband and I have been married for 2 years and we were high school sweethearts and together for 7 years before marriage and we waited.
Definitely worth it.
OP, get ready to hear the whole gamut of experiences.
I'm taking issue with mrippi01's response. Don't assume that because I didn't wait that my wedding experience wasn't special or exciting. Unless you've had it both ways, which is impossible, you aren't in any position to compare the two.
And, OP, don't imply that those who didn't wait are lesser Christians. You'll get eaten alive on these boards if you take that attitude.
To answer you original question, no, we didn't wait. It was special before we got married and it's still special a year later and that's because sex between two people who love each other always is.
ETA: And you might as well hear this now, because someone is bound to say it. There is no prize for marrying your prom date.
Time to put on your big girl panties
I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
I just wanted to let you know that we didnt wait and it was definitely worth it. It makes your wedding experience more special and exciting.
It is funny because people always complain that girls are rude to the "virgin" girls. Well, honey this is why!
I can see where pain and awkwardness could make it MORE special.
I didn't wait...do I regret? Nope. You know why? Because I don't put the success of my marriage solely in the sexual category.
Makes your whole wedding more special than what exactly?
Didn't wait, wouldn't have waited. DH & I weren't high school sweethearts. Call me a hussy, but I actually had sex with DH for the first time the same day we decided we were "official", 2 weeks after our first date, a month after meeting him.
I don't think the V-card is what made our wedding day, or our marriage for that matter, special.
Sexual compatibility is an important part of an intimate relationship. I wasn't willing to gamble my marriage on something that doesn't make a marriage, but can break it.
But to answer your question, god yes, since you're waiting, sex is worth the wait.
You hussy! Oh..wait...I had sex with DH even before we were "official"...am I a hussy?
?
Well I'm not married, nor am I that much of a Christian. ?But I will say having sex with boyfriends before the "I love you" stage vs waiting until well after the "I love you" with FI,?definitely?felt better. ?It felt meaningful and special and all the corny mushy stuff. ?I think if waiting until you are married is important to you, then wait. ?If you really just want to have sex with your FI, then do it. ?The sky won't fall.
Well I had sex, and coceived and gave birth to a child before getting married. I'm gonna burn in hell.
Ok, in all seriousness, sex is amazing - if you have sexual compatibility. Not everyone has it. Not trying to scare you or make you second guess your commitment to waiting, just being honest.
I think it's great that you wait because of your religious beliefs. Do I think it will make your wedding night more special than mine - nope. A marriage is about more than finally having "permission" to have sex.
We waited. Although I can't say it made our wedding night more special (like pp) because I have nothing to compare it to.
However, it was the right choice for us. We were high school sweethearts and dated for 3 1/2 yrs. We also got married young, so I really couldn't have imagined having sex at that age had I not been married.
But, for us, I think it was special to have wait until our wedding night, and we are both glad that we did. However, after being married for almost two years, the it definitely gets way better
.
DH and I waited. On our wedding day, we had been together just over 3 years. DH was 29 and I was 31.
The decision to wait was a personal one that we both agreed on and was the right decision for us. That being said, the first time will not be perfect (which we realized) and you will have to learn and grow together. DH and I are having a great time learning what works and what doesn't. Good luck.
I waited. It was worth it, and I don't regret it.
I'm not going to get into a debate here -- there are plenty of women who disagree with the decision to wait -- but if you'd like some more insight from a long-married woman, send me a personal message. (Since you appear to be a newbie... You can send PMs by clicking on the "contact" tab to the bottom right of each post.)
My DH and I are both devout Catholics, and no we didn't wait, still, our wedding night was bliss. I don't think my belief in God is less than yours, thanks.
OTOH, one of my best friends was a virgin, after 14 hours of trying she called me freaking out the day after their wedding, I basically had to talk her off the ledge and her husband was so upset that he wanted me to come over
. It took a week of red wine and astroglide before they had sex, and a hell of a lot longer until she began to enjoy it. She was miserable and we both cried a LOT while I tried to help her.
Another friend from college had a similar experience and refused to even try again for 6 months, I had to talk her husband off the ledge on that one.
I'll take my experience over theirs any day, I've never seen people so upset.
I would go with this one.
So I'm putting my two cents in here: I always thought I would wait. I waited until I was 23. We had been dating for eight months and got engaged three months later. I had planned it out so much that I knew I would be so nervous on the wedding night that I wouldn't enjoy it. So we decided to take the plunge sotospeak. My husband was not a virgin when we met and I have to say I'm glad. He knew what he was doing, was gentle and it didn't hurt at all. I was no longer nervous and had time to work on our sexual relationship before walking down the aisle.
I'm a Christian, actually I work for a church and I tell the youth I work with that sexual compatibility in a marriage is really important. Safety is too so I see why waiting is good for some but honestly I sort of wish I hadn't. I realize now how unexperienced I am and how much clout I put into my husband taking my virginity, which was special to him, but made him very nervous for a long time as well.
I'm glad I waited so long sometimes and wish I had explored more other times. I think it's definitely a double edged sword and certainly not better one way or the other.
we aren't living together. and it's mostly for religious reasons. when I was younger it was a mixture of that and I didn't want to give myself to someone who I wan't going to spending the rest of my life with. I saw way too many girls get hurt.
thanks for all the support and encouraging posts.
I didn't mean to sound like I was "better" than anyone as one or two people said. I'm not looking down on anyone..promise. Everyone does what is best for them. This was a decision I made when I was probably 12 or 13 and I'm proud that I've stuck with it. I found a man that feels the same way so that is why we are waiting.