Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: anyone else waiting?
Wait, so you think that if people aren't religious, they'll become adulterers? I'm hoping you mistyped or something, because that makes no sense. No, I didn't feel guilt about having sex before marriage, but that certainly doesn't mean I have no values or would cheat on my spouse!
I am not sure what the "certain" faith you are referring to is, but I imagine it alludes to some form of Christianity or at least some "certain faith" that speaks against adultery.
Plenty of "people of faith" have affairs (real life examples of such show up on here regularly), and plenty of people who don't follow a particular faith don't. It is a slippery slope to surmise that just because someone does not follow a particular faith, that it also means they don't have certain beliefs or values they choose to live by, nor does it mean they are not somehow spiritual.
Non-religious people can still feel shame for not following their own personal beliefs or values, without the principles of a faith or other external body informing them not only which beliefs and values they must follow but also why they must feel guilt for not following that faith or external body's beliefs.
I'm so late but I'm weighing in...
IMHO, life is too short for bad sex. Like PP said, playing the waiting game is a roll of the dice. You might turn out to be sexually compatible, and you might not. But only you can decide what the best choice is for you, and there is no right or wrong answer.
We waited until our wedding night. We dated for 5 years almost to the exact date. It was a looong hard wait.
We also waited for religious reasons. The wedding night was fun and not awkward at all. He was and is my closest friend which I think helps. It took a lot of team work and we actually didn't have sex on our wedding night. Because, I am not gonna lie, it was painful. (Though it would be your first time no matter if it was before or after marriage.) We did other things that were pretty fun though. 
The next morning we tried again with success. It was amazing (and only continually gets better) and I am so glad that we waited. Also the good thing is, we have nothing to compare it to. For us, we are the best sex each other has ever had. I would encourage a short engagement, because I think that the increased level of intimacy only makes waiting more difficult.
I also want to recommend a book that we read before marriage that was very helpful. It is called " Sheet Music"
http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263366938&sr=1-1
Not a mistype. Adultery=sex outside of marraige. Pre-martital sex = sex outside of marraige. Due to associative property pre-marital sex= adultery. Either way you're sleeping with someone who's not your spouse, and in both cases I find it wrong. Some people may justify it by saying that it can't be adultrey if you're maried, but in my opinion either way you are giving something meant for your spouse to someone not your spouse and that is wrong.
That's just how I see it. Like I said, it's all about whay you feel comfortable with, and not letting people pressure you either way. People have to live their lives for themselves, when you draw your final breath it's your life and your happiness that you will be thinking about, not whether or not you pleased as many people as possible.
But that's not the definition of adultery. The Bible even defines adultery as ??lying with a woman married to an husband." Adultery = a married person having sex with someone other than their spouse, a marriage infidelity. Adultery can't be committed by 2 unmarried people.
hell no..oops sorry, heck no! we didn't wait. we've been together since we were 16....11 years later and it's still awesome! i couldnt imagine waiting until our wedding night, it'll be awkward b/c you're virgins, you "might" bleed, (eww) and what if it hurts you so bad you want to stop...that would suck!
GL
Okay, well you can make up your own definitions for words if you want. Just realize that it's offensive to imply that people with no faith have no problem with adultery. Morals don't only exist within religious frameworks.
We waited and I am so glad that we did! Yes, it's unbelievably hard. But just because something's difficult, doesn't mean it's wrong/not worth it. We were together 4 1/2 years before we were married. I really think if we could do it, anyone can!
So many people will try to make you feel like your decision is ridiculous and say that it's actually ignorant of you, don't listen to them! It was amazing to share that experience with my husband and it is just so comforting and nice to know that we've only been with each other. I pray that you will stay true to your faith!
This 100%.
did not wait for the first love of my life and don't regret it. He died in a car crash 3 months before the wedding.
Did not wait for my first husband. I have to say I can't regret it as I have a daughter that I love w all my heart. I doubt though we'd gotten married if I'd declined to have sex w him before marriage. Otherwise I'd say wish I'd held off. He decided after 14 yrs that he wanted a wife that was more 'socially acceptable' for his life goals.
Second husband- nope,,
Continue to hold off. It is the best gift you can give to each other, I promise!
FI and I are waiting. When I was 13 I took a true love waits class and commited myself to being pure until I got married. Don't get me wrong it's hard, but for myself (not speaking for others) I think it's going to be so much more special. Knowing that I have waited and he has waited for each other and not giving in. Wow...I know it's not going to be awesome the first few times, but I still believe it's worth our wait! I commend you for waiting and you will be so much happier with yourself if you do continue to wait!
PS. I always tell my FI that the best gift that I can give to him other than my love is my virginity. PPl laugh at me and call me a goodie-goodie, but it's what I wanted to do and I am so thankful that I have waited!
Needless to say I only have 36 days left!!!!!!
Just a word of encouragement! DH and I were high school sweethearts and waited 5 years. It was SO worth it. And for those who say it will be awkward? It MAY be. In our situation, it was not at all. It was completely natural and amazing, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I second the "Sheet Music" book! It was a great primer.
This is the thread that never ends...
yes it goes on and on my friends...
Us too!
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I agree it's all around better and less trouble to marry as virgins and no affairs. VD would be gone in a generation.Single Mothers tend to be a burden for society too.
Slightly off topic, but I think most single mothers are doing an amazing job. Perhaps it's all of the "Nonexsistent Fathers" that we should be trash-talking.
We are both strong Christians and we chose to wait. DH and I were high school sweethearts and we got married after 5 years of dating. Our wedding night was amazing and magical, but our sex life after that has many ups and downs. Before marriage I felt very strongly about waiting and never imagined that I might have regrets, but I do sometimes wonder now if things would be better if we had had sex earlier.
If you do decide to wait, please talk to your fiance about both of your expectations for sex in marriage. The frequency, the locations, the range of what you might try, foreplay, getting in the mood, if you'll do it when you're on your period, masturbation, oral sex, any difficulties he may have, how you'll handle any incompatibility/issue in bed, everything. Obviously you can't ensure a great sex life by talking about it, but at least you'll both go into it with the same expectations. Good luck and congratulations!
DH and I dated for 5 1/2 years before our wedding and we waited. We've been married now almost 2 years. Sex on our wedding night wasn't awkward at all! I didn't bleed and it didn't hurt nearly as much as people told me it would.
God blesses those who follow His commandments. You don't have to "test drive the car before you buy it". Please, please, please don't buy into that lie. You don't have anything to compare to and you will learn with the one you will be with for the rest of your life. How awesome is that? It's the way God designed sex to be. He didn't design humans to be sleeping with multiple people. Don't listen to those people who make you feel like a freak for waiting. Almost all of my friends waited or are still waiting. It IS worth it. You will walk down the aisle in your white dress and know that the Lord is pleased by your purity. May God bless your union!! You'll be in my prayers
I'm going to have to go against the grain on this one. From an early age I also decided to wait until I was married. I am a Christian and my religious beliefs had a lot to do with it but also I didnt want to give myself away and be like a lot of my peers. I never thought I was better or worse than anyone just determined. I did end up losing my virginity to my highschool sweetheart after dating on and off for 9 years at the age of 24. I have made many mistakes in my life and have only a few regrets but that day that moment is what will always be my biggest regret. I had felt so special and unique being a virgin and just after it all those special feelings went away. I know I am probably not the norm but if I could change anything it would be that moment. I am now married and had 2 other partners before my husband. Yes I have had mind blowing sex and I honestly felt the earth move but being close to my husband is more important to me than any orgasm. Its about the love and closeness! I applaud you!!! My parents were both virgins on their wedding night and I thought that would be me someday. I honestly still struggle with the guilt and loss of myself. The sex might not be mind blowing on your wedding night but you will both be so excited and chomping at the bit that it will be great no matter what might go wrong. When neither of you are experienced theres nothing to feel ackward about. Nothing is off limits. You can spend all night exploring each others bodies and spend the rest of your lives exploring how to make it mind blowing!!! Have a wonderful wedding night!!!