November 2008 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Heartbroken
He is due back late sunday night. He is flying into Baton Rouge Airport, then coming home. He said he was going to leave me the house and he would get the rest of his things when he got home.
Most of his friends dont like me. The one who is encouraging him is like 28, her husband cheated on her and now they are divorced. She doesnt like me because she thinks I hold him back. He use to go out alot and he had been trying to cut down and she was blaming me.... She is slandering my name all over FB.
He prolly wont be in town til monday... im scared when i come home all of his things will be gone, including obe of our dogs. Im at work right now, barely able to function. Nothing makes sense to me.......
What the hell!!!!
Is he not willing to talk to you????
Honestly...I would call his parents! This behavior is sooo out of blue and from left feild. I would call them and tell them what is going on. See if they have any insight to all of this. IF DH pulled anything close to this with me for no reason, I would drag the whole family into it! LOL!
He wouldnt get to leve me peacfully thats for sure!
I'm with Agent on this one. Talk to his parents they might be able to give you some insight or if they can't at least they should know what is going on. His friends seem very very immature and they might not be ready to have a happily married friend because of what marriage entails (a lot of time spent with the S.O.).
Honestly, it sounds like he's on drugs or is cheating on you. There's something behind this.
What kind of financial situation are you in? Do you have a bank account in just your name? I'd start withdrawing money right now from any joint accounts. What are the laws in your state regarding abandonment? I might suggest calling a lawyer. Go home and get your dogs if you don't want him to take them.
If he's not willing to talk about anything or go to counseling, then you need to take steps to protect yourself financially.
I have to agree. It sounds like something strange is going on and that there's something deeper. Like flip flops said, make sure you put some money somewhere that YOU can have. If your paycheck goes into a bank account thats joined, I would go to your HR person and have that switched to one that goes just into your name. Hopefully it will all work out and you won't have to worry, but right now you need to look out for yourself.
Take your dogs to a friends house for awhile. Don't tell him where they are. Like flip flops said, he can't take them if they're not there.
Honestly something really fvcked up seems to be going on and you need to look out for YOU. GL.
Yes, this is totally outta the blue. He always said that divorce was the easy way out.... and no matter how tough life got he would never sign papers. He was in it for life!!! Ugh!!!!
I would talk to his parents but they are sooo different. He was raised on the opposite end of the stick as I was. He isnt really close to his dad and step-mom. I mean he talks to them but not about personal issues.
Yes his friend is a b**** , she is very immature. I dont know why she would want to put another woman thru this. Her Husband left her like twice before they got a divorce. She knows how bad it hurt. This sucks a**. I really hope I never run into her again........
I really want him to come home and talk to me, but I do not think he will. The last time I talked to him was when he called me on saturday night at midnight telling me that one of my close friends called him bc they were worried about me....He got mad, I tried talking to him but then he said that he was still going thru with his plans when he got home, AND I havent heard from him since.
This, exactly.
It's really bizarre, and it definitely seems like there's something going on that's causing all of this out of the blue. I hope you get answers soon, but in the meantime take steps to protect yourself.
Im trying to do what I can but it is sooo hard. I havent eaten since tuesday. Im sooo tired and weak.
I pay the bills outta my account that I have had since I was 16. He has his other account which we put money into for gas, an any other expenses. I think its total BS bc he didnt have a problem talking to me thursday when I had to go pick up his check and deposit it to pay bills.We had an arguement before he left then it has esculated to this......
Can I meet him at the airport and whoop his A$$??? Is there a history with this friend that you keep referring to? I hate to think of these possibilities but maybe there is something going on with them?? Honey, I cannot imagine what you are going through just know we are here for you. Take care of yourself in the meantime and don't be afraid to reach out to others for support whether that means us, or your friends, or counseling for yourself if he is not willing to go with you. Seven years is a long time to be familiar with something and regardless of the outcome, I think you are going to need some help to get through this.
Even if he comes home and everything is *** dory, he still owes you an explination and something needs to be sorted out. I wish you the best hun.
Do you mind sharing what you argued about? Maybe that would give us some insight from an outsider's perspective into what's going on.
I completely understand if you don't want to tell us, so no pressure.
Vannakay, my post may be hard to read at this emotional time. I write this to offer a little perspective - on a situation that I know truly nothing about - as someone who has left a marriage for a reasons that were not obvious to others. Your posts read like my ex-husband's emails to friends, so I wanted to offer a possible scenario from "the other side" because not understanding is so painful. (PS: I am definitely not saying you are anything like my ex ....this is just food for thought.)
So here it goes...
I was afraid before I got married to my ex that it was a mistake, but I was so swept up in the progression of the relationship, that I let the tide take me way, way out.
It took me a long time to leave, although I thought about it every day. I was collecting reasons to go, none of them significant enough to be an obvious dealbreaker. All I had for sure was this voice in my head that was screaming louder every day that the relationship was wrong and that a different life existed for me. Sure, there were little things that pissed me off, but it was the pieces of who I was that were breaking off that had me the most concerned. Terrified, actually. I really became an actress in that relationship, putting on a good face, talking about the things we were supposed to talk about like married people...kids...homes...future plans in general.
I tried to talk to him about my fears. We even went to marriage counseling. But he refused to accept what I said and felt. He always wrote it off to "we'll work it out eventually" or "you're immature." He often spun it for his own benefit.
What's worse is that my acknowlegement of these fears made him increasingly clingy, afraid that I would leave or cheat. He evfen threatened to kill himself if I left. I was very put off by his insecurity and emotional instability (which I eventually realized existed all along).
Finally, there came a day when I could take it no more and I bailed. Nothing significant happened. Some offhand underhanded comment that he made. I checked into a hotel and out of my marriage. This was before Facebook, but everything you've mentioned people doing and saying sound eerily alike the emails that went around back then. He definitely thought I was under the influence of my friends, but it was really me, really how I felt.
I won't get into the gory details about what happened after that.
I sincerely hope that I am totally off here, that there is a reason more clear and more fixable. I hope that the two of you can find an unbiased third party and get it all out because I believe that people deserve explanations. They don't always come, though, at least not what we want them to be.
Best of luck to you, dear. Take care of yourself with food and sleep and friends like these. Let us know if we can do anything else for you.
Thanks Aria.... I know it must have been hard to share that. I really wish I could give more information as to what is going on... Im just clueless.
We got into the arguement bc I had found some text messages on his phone.... Ones that were kinna questionable. I went to wake him up to ask him and he just said its late Savanna.... go read another message. Then he texted me the next day saying everything about the house, and I dont appreciate him and He will never be good enough for me. and how this trip will give him time to think.
Ok dont hate me for saying this but noone just stumbles across text messages that are questionable which means that you had to have been looking in his phone for something. Which you found something, and he either got caught red handed or you proved to him that you cant/dont trust him.
I have been in a situation where my ex would never ever in a million years admit that he did wrong but him bailing was explination enough. Sounds like something similar is going on.
Thanks.... I hope and pray with everything I have in my being that we can work things out, but my fear monday afternoon is coming home to an empty house or all of his things will be gone.
He has never acted sooo irrationally
Ditto
Just an update:
Still numb, not eating anything and only able to sleep with sleep meds.
Still havent heard from him, but I didnt think I would. This is the hardest thing in the world. All I want to do is sleep, its so much easier until I wake up and he isnt next to me.....
Im trying to work, but I seem to just cry.... I cannot believe this is happening. I cant!!!!
We have only been married a little over a year. This is not f****in fair.