November 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Heartbreak update
I just wanted to say thank you for everything yall have done.... I never imagined I would be going thru this. I still havent talked to him and didnt think I would. I still havent been able to eat anything, and im only sleeping bc I have been taking meds. I dont think I deserve this.....
Re: Heartbreak update
Okay, first of all huge hugs to you. But second of all, I would be PlSSED that I was being left in the dark and not communicated to, and would demand an answer or pack his sh*t and have it waiting for him when he came back. He doesn't get to just run around and be influenced by his friends in Virginia or wherever while you sit at home and not eat and cry. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry if that's harsh, but I'm just getting really mad on your behalf.
Twink I wish I could be as strong as you are.......
He has effin flipped. He has never been like this. Nothing seems to be bothering him, he is carrying on with his trip as tho nothing matters.
You ARE such a strong woman, I can already tell that from what you've posted here. Okay, so maybe throwing his sh*t out on the lawn would be an overreaction, but he seriously does owe you an explanation for things. Do you think his friends are talking crap about you and putting ideas in his head and stuff? If so, what could they possibly even be saying?
Yes I know for a fact they are talking about me.... I have had people call and tell me that its on Facebook.
They are calling me a b*tch and saying that I hold him back......Im more of a homebody and I like to be home with him and our furbabies. His friends always like to go out and get drunk. He was trying to change for the better and they keep trying to make him go out and drink. SO when I tell them I don think its a good idea they start talking crap..... I know that i am no way perfect!!!! I have my faults.
Wasn't he due home yesterday?
At this point, I say you throw his stuff out into the front yard and change the locks. Screw him.
You are an amazing woman and you don't deserve this.
We all have our faults, but staying home and not getting wasted every weekend is not unreasonable for a married couple. He knew he was getting into a more low key life when he married you. And he sounds like he's acting EXTREMELY immature (being influenced by his friends like this) so I have a feeling he's going to come to regret it when he gets home. What do you think would happen if you just pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and acted like you didn't care? Not calling him, just staying busy and then when he comes home, ignoring him until he realizes his mistakes. Because if I had to guess, I'm going to bet he's going to come home after the party is over and go "Oh, wah wah, my friends made me do it, I made a mistake."
Ugh I feel about as sick to my stomach about this as you do (I know it's not even close though). You do not deserve this. Part of being a husband is to settle down with your wife. Yeah I like to go out every now and then (so does my DH) but we both know that our significant other comes first. When you're married you should want to spend as much time together as possible.
I can't believe people are trash talking you on facebook, classy! I use facebook quite often but I don't go trash talking people on there, I'm not in high scool.
Stay strong hun! If not, I know how to change the locks if you need help!
You are strong and you can do this. I think that some of these ladies have got it right.....as hard as it may seem right now, you have to pick yourself up and get through this. Even in the event that he comes home and does exactly what you expect, you need to feel like you are worth better than this which you obviously already know. Showing him that your life can go on without him just like he is doing to you will likely knock some sense into him. At the end of the day, you need to look out for yourself. If you cant bring yourself to eat, at least go get a smoothie to get some nutrients in your body. Sweetie you need to take care of yourself.
You aren't too far away from me, if you need some company please let me know. I know that sounds weird coming from an internet friend but I mean it 100%. If you need help throwing his sh!t out on the lawn, I will be there for that too. It wouldn't be the first time.
Ok, so this isnt going to be super nice and fluffy, but I am totally not trying to be mean either...just a different point of view.
You guys have been together for 7 years. Which is rad, but that means you were like 17/18 when you started dating...I think sometimes when people get together that young and stay together, that there may be more struggles then when two people come together after doing some "growing" (not saying that young relationships dont ever work, because they do) people grow and mature differently then others.
24 is still young. While it sucks that he wants to go out drinking with his friends, I also find that behavior totally normal. I was JUST like you. I was with the ex for 4 years...we broke up when I was 24...because all he wanted to do was party with his friends and I was a homebody. All his friends talked $hit about me and said I was trying to hold him back. He wasnt willing to make the changes (Which you should never feel like you need to change the person you are with) And I wasnt willing to deal with the late nights, or the 3a.m. phone calls to come get him from the bar.
I am thankful that I met DH later down the road. We both got all our partying out of the way (once the ex and I broke up, all of a sudden I wanted to go out to bars, lol) DH and I are both on the same page, we have the same goals. We like to stay in for the most part. Maybe going out once a month.
I dont really know what my point is to this. But it sounds like he is still really young maturity wise and not ready to "grow up".
When he comes home, I think you need to sit down with him and really get to what the issue is. Maybe even start making a list of things you want to talk about. What your goals are vs. what his are.
I know you are crushed(i would be to), but you really need to focus on yourself right now. Take care of yourself. You wont be able to work through this with him if you cant get a handle on yourself. You need to be strong, so when he comes home you can have a conversation with him. I do think that any marriage is worth fighting for, so get in fighting shape lady!
No he is due home late next sunday night.....
Im trying to pull it together guys...... I swear!
I would tell him to come get his crap before it gets rained on.
I am so sorry sweety!! He is a retard if he listens to his friends talking bad about you!! First of all he did marry you. So he loves you or at some point did. Second- if he was a real man he wouldn't allow that kinda of talk to go on about you. Third- call him and DEMAND some answers!!
We're all here for you. What ever you need!!
Thanks girls... I promise I will try to eat today...
Karrey.... You made me smile for the first time in days. we may have an a** kickin party.
Agree with the other girls that you deserve and should demand answers. As in, call him up and tell him if he doesn't respond to you (give him a deadline) and begin working this out, by the time he comes home, the locks will be changed and his stuff will be in boxes in a storage unit for him to collect on Sunday.
What he is doing is ridiculous and NOT how a married man should act or treat his wife.
I'm with Kirstin on this one.
DH and I are similar to you an your DH in that we started dating young and were together for 7 years before marriage. Before we decided to even get engaged, we had a long discussion about our goals (short term and long term), what we felt the other brought to our lives, and even why we were together. We wanted to make sure it was for love and not being pot committed (idk if everyone knows what this means, but it means that you are committed bc of the time you put in, not bc it's the best thing for you). Did you an DH have a conversation like this before you got married? Are your lives really moving in the same direction? I only ask bc DH and I had major issues with this bc you're literally gowing up together and a lot of things change as you grow up, which means you may grow apart. Like others, I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just trying to help see another point of view and maybe that DH just isn't growing into a compatible person with you.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know it is difficult for you to eat right now, but at least take a multivitamin and attempt to eat once per day. It'll make you feel better.
I won't be around the rest of the week, but I know the rest of the Novembies will help you through.
I think I'm the next closest if you need some back up!! I have personal days and I'm not affraid to use them.
We always knew we wanted to get married.... He wanted to get married right outta high school but I said I would love to be engaged but would like to wait til I graduate college.( bc i knew kiddos were in our future) He always talked about children. How much he wanted to ba a daddy.... and he would always joke about me getting off BC. Well then our anniversary was 11/15 and I got off medicine. He would talk to me about names, and nurseries..... Growing old and having our rocking chairs on our wrap arouns porch.....I just couldnt imagine starting over, being able to trust another person again. He always said that he would never sign papers no matter how tough life got, and people who do this take the easy way out............. wtf is he doing now!
lmao.... thanks girls
I agree with this. My heart breaks for you sweetie. We are all here for you ((((HUGS))))
Totally agreed. You don't deserve to be treated like this is a high school romance. Its a marriage and you can't just opt out of it.
Yall are sooo strong....Im envious.
Rach I totally agree with you, he signed in for a commitment dang it. Freakin man the hell up! I just could never see running out on my life....
My heart hurts.....
I've been trying to think of ways to say this to you without sounding like I'm trying to knock you back off your feet, but I'm not really sure how, so please know that's not my intention.
I think you need to prepare yourself for not getting the answers to your questions and if you get answers they will more than likely entail it being all of your fault (not that it is). I say this as someone who has pulled the same crap that he is pulling. It is going to be much easier for him to blame you than to be honest with you and himself. You do deserve answers but I just want you to prepare yourself for not getting them. If he's being this big of a douchebag with you right now he will more than likely verbally attack you to make himself feel better.
Like I said I don't want to cause you anymore pain telling you this, I just want you to be prepared for it. I hope that he does sack up and give you the honest truth though, even if that hurts, atleast you have answers.