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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: The Hunting Widow....
People eat cougar? Really? Looks to me like this guy just wants a bunch of heads to hang on his wall to prove what a man he is instead of being a good husband which is the core issue.
"I don't see any logic behind criticizing hunters while NOT being vegan. Hunters often care a lot more about wildlife than most people, and they spearhead a lot of conservation efforts, especially in still-wild places like Montana. If you eat meat at all, you need to shut the f*ck up because you clearly have no idea what goes into killing animals. I say this as an ecologist, and an animal lover."
Whoah, hello vitriol. Actually I am a highly educated vegan (absolutely no PETA association though) who bases my opinions on facts as well as emotion. Emotionally, I don't think people can be true animal lovers when they support the cruelty of the meat industry or hunting. If you love something you don't want to inflict suffering, right? It's a cognitive disconnect to me to love animals and eat them or kill them, but I realize I am in the minority on that in light of the food chain. I honestly don't believe that hunters care more about wildlife than most people, and it is because I know what goes into killing animals that I can't eat them in good conscience or support people shooting holes through them so they can have something to hang on a wall or to eat. I do, however, have more respect for hunters than your typical person who blindly purchases meat from a factory farm though. Hunters actually bear witness to the suffering. They know what is behind the meat on their plate, and animals suffer far more on factory farms than on hunting trips.
To the OP, I really hope that you can talk openly with your dh about this and work out a compromise that works for both of you. Of course you don;t want to totally take away something he is obviously passionate about--you just want him to show the same passion for your union and respect you by not lying and making you a priority. Best of luck.
How shocking - no response to OMG GP's posts. Guess you can't argue with someone who is obviously well versed in this subject.
To the OP:
I smiled at wifey's post, the term "hunting widow" is common place around here, I've never had to think about other people not knowing this term. It really is a cultural thing. If you do not know about the ins and outs of a culture, then the advice given is null. It is null because it is not applicable to your situation. Do not be bothered by posts that don't understand the cultural aspects of your situation.
As a hunting widow myself, I deal with some of these same issues.
Hunting is a healthy habit. The meat that you get is enhancing the quality of life. It is much better to eat naturally rased meat than meat that has been fed hormones or corn. Your husband is also out getting excersise, which is also a good thing.
Hunting, as you very well know, is a time consuming activity. From your posts it seems that this is the biggest issue. You want some of DH's time. I'd start here and work through this issue. You mentioned that you were in counceling. Do you still go? If not, I'd go to work through this issue. Also, DH needs to be held accountable. It is not ok that he lied to you, which I am guess really bothers you. That's ok. It would really bother me to. Again, this would be another issue to work through in counceling.
If counceling is not an option at this time, then you need other tools to help you cope with being a hunting widow. First, you need to find something that you like to do. Even if it costs money, you need to do something for YOU. Talk to DH about this, he gets X for his budget and you get X for your budget. I know, though, that this is easier said than done.
Second, do any of his hunting buddies have wives, girlfriends?? Do you know any of them? I'd reach out to them and invite them over or go out and do things with them. During hunting seasons, we (the wives) get together. We have talked about the benefits of keeping busy during the hunting seasons and it is very helpful. Also, it depends on the set up of the hunting camps, but the deer camp has always been family orientated. This has been very nice and for a few of them, it is the only way that they get to see their husbands during the two weeks of deer hunting.
Third and most importantly, back to time. You and DH do need to come up with a solution of spending quality time together. I think that it is really good for your relationship to be interested in hunting and to be able to share some aspects of this. However, back to YOU, what are some things that YOU want to do with your husband? Going to movies, museums, camping (with out hunting/scouting), going on double dates???? What ever it is, I encourage you to start small but do it. Hold DH accountable.
GL to you. And please do post and let me/us know how you are doing.
You don't have to have a husband that hunts to understand that being ignored and neglected for any hobby is not a healthy way to be in a relationship, nor is being lied to about this hobby any way to start a marriage. Most people are not saying that he shouldn't hunt, but that he should not be hunting so much that he is destroying his marriage.
I am not aware of any state that currently allows the hunting of cougar. (??) And I know that people DO eat bear, at least.
The money from hunting licenses goes toward conservation efforts, and research on species. A state only allows a certain number of tags for each species a season - Montana just recently allowed the hunting of bison, but the first year, only sold 100 tags or so. Currently, it is illegal to hunt moose in Montana, and the fine for doing so is $10K. Game animals are closely monitored, and their populations protected, and the money to do that comes from hunters' pockets. Unfortunately, in ecology, we don't get loads of money to study animals from the government - we're not exactly doing cancer research, after all. Money comes from people who care about these animals, and that ain't PETA, for damn sure.
I give money to Ducks Unlimited. 80% of their members are duck hunters, but they give more money to the research and preservation of wetlands, prairies, and other wild habitats that are being decimated by urban sprawl and pollution, than any other organization.
Maybe in your experience, hunters are drunken rednecks who shoot up shit in the woods, and that's what I used to think too until I moved to Montana. Hunters want to preserve wild places and wild animals more than anyone else does, and they pay a LOT of money to make sure that happens.
Thank you cas. It's pretty ridiculous to say that just because I've never heard a certain term used makes my advice "null." This is also quite ignorant: It is null because it is not applicable to your situation.
If that's true, the OP better be sure to find a counselor (please spell it right - it's not councelor or counceling) who is also a hunter or a "hunting widow". Otherwise, they'll never be able to understand or help them.
Hi All! Thanks for the advice. I took a couple days off from the post just to think things through and talk to him and get my emotions in check, I tend to get defensive more than I really should, sorry about that. We talked about some things, he is going to organize his hunts in advance, so I have time to plan things around them, instead of taking up last minute hunts and canceling our plans, he realized that wasnt the best thing he could have done. He's also going to be more aggressive on the first weekends he goes, trying to get an animal so he doesnt have to go back up so much.
I'm sorry if anyone was offended, meaning peta supporters or vegans, I know hunting is something you strongly oppose. I love animals, I ask DH every time I see the animal commercials on tv, or our city has an adoption event, if we have room for another dog or cat. we have agreed that once we have a larger home and more land, we will rescue a couple of dogs. We fully support many different animal conservations, including Ducks unlimited, and now the North American Hunting club (which DH is a lifetime member). These conservations do more in recouping lands and helping wildlife than Peta or greenpeace have ever done. They actually get out and do things, not just collect money and have petitions signed. I would not support his hunting habit at all if we did not use the meat, keep the horns, recycle the rest of the carcus and leave the innards for other animals to enjoy in the wild. it is all a cycle.
Cougars are something you can put in for alimited draw hunt, they only allow so many to be taken per year. but there is a huge population in Idaho I guess, your allowed to put in for the draw every other year I think. Moose is a once in a lifetime hunt here in Idaho. and the people are still trying to get hunts for wolves approved, they are so dominate here, they keep attacking farms and killing peoples pets and going into camps and stuff, it's so scary! once last fall I was on a hunting weekend with him, and we had our dog, who was 9 months at the time, 3 hunters on motorcycles came by our camp and warned me that they had just seen a pack of 12 wolves less than a mile away from our camp and heading our direction. my husband was out, it was early and we had a fire going, I also had the shotgun in the truck, so I scooped up the dog and we spent the morning hanging out in the truck with the shotgun. He always carries a handgun just in case he runs into wolves, but it still freaks me out, they are really aggressive.
Anyways, thanks again for all the advice, He's home this weekend and told me the he's planning on going next weekend so i'll find something to do then, or might go with him, not sure, depends on if its snowing yet. Thanks again!