Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Just Wondering
If anyone experienced sexual abuse as a child/teenager before getting married, how that affected your sex life with your spouse? Did you experience any flashbacks during sex with your husband? Did it take awhile for sex to be "redeemed" or was did you never relate the two?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: Just Wondering
{I am going to answer your questions as though you were asking for yourself, but I know that it is totally possible you're asking for a friend, or a sister. It would just get too confusing if I tried to type "you/your sister/your friend/any survivor" every time.}
I think that these things vary from one survivor of sexual abuse to another, but if you're concerned, I highly recommend finding a counselor. There are a lot of counselors that specialize in adult survivors of sexual abuse/violence. If you need help finding one, contact RAINN or your local sexual assault/domestic violence hotline.
It is not uncommon to experience flashbacks at any time (even during the most mundane taks), and esepcially during sex, and sexual activities. If you're worried about this, please talk to your partner before hand. I would recommend doing this any time other than sexy-time...doing it right before sex is likely to make both of you very nervous.
Telling your partner can be a really scary and intimidating thing. If you're wondering how to do it, or you worried about how he will react, you could always talk to your counselor again. Or, call RAINN or a local hotline; they'll be able to help you work through this. Again, I think it is best to do it during a down time, rather than right before sex.
I think it is in our nature, as partners, to feel very protective of each other, and I am sure your DH/FI will experience a wide array of emotions. My hope for you is that when you tell him (assuming you have not) is that he will be very supportive and sensitive. Remember that this might be (have been) a huge shock for him, and it might leave him wondering how to approach you, specifically in a sexual way. Once you tell him, you're going to need to provide him a lot of "direction" sexually speaking. Reassure him that what he is doing is ok, and even good (assuming it is), and don't be afraid to tell him when things are going too fast, or too far.
Again, there is no one way for a survivor of sexual assault/violence to react and to address the situation in the future. You will find the way, and the time, that is right for you. Best of luck to you.