Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Why do women stop
Perhaps if you talked to YOUR WIFE, that you are trying to safe your marriage with, you will get an answer to your question. We aren't your wife and we don't all work the same. TALK. It might save your marriage.
And I don't take you seriously when you want to cheat just to get your rocks off. Really? That is sick.
How old is your baby? Could your wife be suffering from Post-partum depression????
Many people divorce due to sex issues. I suggest talking to your wife and listening to what she has to say, maybe even bring in a professional. Cheating should never be an option(although I can understand the allure of it) so if you are seriously contemplating it then you need to step back and realize that you took vows with this woman. If your issues cannot be resolved then proceed with divorce before seeking out an affair.
Everyone deserves to have a happy, healthy sex life!
GL!!
You understand the allure of cheating? Really? REALLY??
I cannot understand the allure of doing the horizontal mambo for realz with someone else. Fantasizing...sure, but the allure of ACTUALLY cheating...fuuck no.
THIS. Lots, and lots, and lots of this. Do this for a long, long time.
Sex is important, yes, but this isn't a problem that will fix itself quickly.
Passion wanes over time but some women simply decide the sex department is closed. Sad but true.
Actually I can understand, maybe the word "allure" isn't quite the right word. There was a time in my marriage that I wasn't receiving the support(emotional and physical) I needed and I seriously pondered the idea of an affair. Now, granted, there wasn't an actual person I was drawn to but the idea of getting full filled from someone else was appealing. When I talked about this with my bff I realized that my marriage was worth more to me and I abandoned all thoughts of said affair and started being a lot more vocal in what I needed from my H.
Judge me or flame me, I don't really care.
Here's another person to throw off your little stereotype of TIP. I'm 24, perfectly happy, and my H is also very happy with me and our marriage. He hasn't "dumped" me nor is he going after "something younger" because as Spanish already said, that would be flirting with trouble. Please try again.
Already with the bitter old hags bit? And let me guess, 'we don't really know you or your life' and you 'feel sorry for our SO's? How cute. For the record, I'm 21 years old, and not in the least bitter. My FI and I are very happy and share a wonderful life together, sexual and otherwise. Oh, and if he was looking for anyone younger, his_ass would be in jail.
And what would make me feel better is if you stopped generalizing and clumping women into one group to make up for whatever you're flucking up in the bedroom. We aren't just_fuckholes on legs or bitter old hags.
Most likely, the reason you aren't getting laid is because you're probably not pleasing your wife in the sack, or you're just a douche in general. You might want to work on that, bud. But after thinking about it I realized for all that to make me feel better I'd actually have to care. Which I don't. Nevermind.
AGREED
Ditto this too!
Not all women stop BTW.
Communication is very important in relationships. Set aside some time for intimacy and to talk with your wife (without your child around). You will know for sure what's going on then.
Visit www.marriagebuilders.org or .com? Or read 5 languages of love... Men and Women want have different types of love needs and what you are doing may not be her language. She might be doing things for you that aren't your language too.
DH and I have been married for almost 6 years. We have and have had a very active sex life since we married. It dropped for the first couple of months after DS was born because I was in physical pain. After that though, it went right back to normal.
You cannot group all women into one category. Why did your wife stop having sex with you? If my DH said some of the things you did in this post, I probably wouldn't have sex with him either. In all, you sound like a douche.
First off I commend you for making such an effort. I know my fiance is asking himself that question, why don't we have sex that often? Honestly, for me, I suffer from a bad autoimmune disease which disrupts my sleep schedule, causes me to be anemic, and makes me feel VERY disgusting and unattractive. Sometimes when I feel kind of like doing anything when we start it feels strange and I want to stop. This is me though and I often feel very badly because he treats me very well.
Before I was diagnosed though and was in my first marriage we got married very young. The case was I got pregnant, we got married and the day before we had our son we moved in. It was very quick and very stressful and he was complelty different. He no longer was the attentive boyfriend I knew and became obsessed with me cooking for him and cleaning for him, picking him up from work(at 2 in the morning) then he'd yell at me because I didn't have a job. He became very controlling and would make me cry a lot. After everything I'm glad he's an ex and I have primary custody of our son.
Well, if I knew that my husband were at a point where he wanted complete strangers on the internet to talk him out of sleeping with someone other than me, I'd be loathe to have sex with him, too.
I honestly can't imagine that your blatant douchebaggery doesn't leak out in your every day life, so I assume that your wife knows what an assclown you are. That would be a huge turnoff for me, although, since women are not a hive-minded collective, I can't tell you how it makes her feel.
If you're genuinely concerned and interested in making things work, try TALKING TO YOUR WIFE. It's amazing what a difference communication can make in a relationship. If that's not enough, try counseling. If that's not enough, get a freaking divorce rather than opting to cement your status as a douchenozzle by cheating on your wife. There's nothing more contemptible than someone who shows no respect for the sanctity of marriage the way you're discussing.
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Um, this x10?
I'm just going to ignore all the name calling and such.
The reason women stop having sex is because they lose interest. We get bored, just like men do. Have you tried getting "prettied" up for your wife? Some women get plastic surgery to please their husbands. Women want to look and feel good and they want their SO's to look and feel good.
If I were you, I would first go to the store and buy some sexy lingerie for your wife. Then get a sitter for a full day and hopefully that night as well and go out for a little mommy and daddy time and go to the spa. Go get mani/pedi's, a haircut and a facial. For both of you. It might not be macho but it would be fun for her and probably for you too. Get some finger foods like the frozen cheesecake squares that they sell at target and go home and give lay in bed (which, really you need to clean your room first and light some candles. Give it the hotel vibe), and eat your finger foods and just talk. After a while, give her the lingerie and tell her " I think that you would make this look absolutely beautiful. Would you try it on for me?" and then if she says yes and does it, worship the ground she walks on. Tell her she is the sexiest thing you've ever seen. Tell her she is radiant. Tell her she is hot. And then kiss her. For at least 15 minutes. If that doesn't work for you, then try sex therapy or marriage counseling. Yes, men do have needs. Women have sexual needs too, they just aren't as eager to act on them. Well, some women act on them extremely eagerly. Gotta love sex!
Anyways, Cheating should never be an option for you. I'm sorry that you see it as such. You surely don't want to be like that. Please, try therapy first. If all else fails, get a divorce. Don't put your wife through the pain of having her husband cheat. That robs a woman of self worth. I've been cheated on and it made me feel terrible about myself and it made me feel like the person I had been with was a horrible waste of my time and energy. And I had sex with him nearly every day. Sometimes several times a day. So he really didn't have the excuse of me not "putting out".
I hope that maybe you will figure this situation out and grow from it.
My advice is to take a look at the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman with your wife. You may be trying very hard to show her you love her, but she may not be getting the message since she experiences feeling loved in other ways - for example, two of the "love languages" talked about in the book are acts of service (doing dishes, etc.) and gift giving, which seems to be the way you are trying to show her love. However, if her primary "love language" is spending quality time, then she may be not getting the message that you love her as clearly as you would like. It is important not to base your actions on what you think all women want - we women are each very unique creatures and it is important to keep "studying" and learning about your wife as the unique woman she is.
Physical touch is also one of the love languages discussed in the book, which may be, from the sounds of your post, a way that you would like to be shown love more often. I strongly suggest that you take a look at the book with your wife - and make sure that you are communicating lovingly but openly about your concerns. Feel free to send me a private message if you have any other questions - I feel for you in your struggle, but I also strongly encourage you to not give up on this most important relationship in your life. And trust me, even though "looking elsewhere" for sexual fulfillment may seem like a good alternative to you right now, it will cause both you and your wife much more pain in the long run and honestly just is not worth it.
Alicia
Way to criticize one generalization & turn right around & spit out another.
I think you're being honest and just saying what a lot of men probably think. Men have sex drives and needs that need fulfilled. It is in their biological nature. I don't think this guy should be condemned for asking this question. Granted, the comment about cheating being justified I don't agree with, however I don't think he is sounding unreasonable with his frustration with the infrequency in which he is being intimate with his wife.
There are many reasons that a woman's sex drive could be lacking. Check out this website for some common reasons and look into whether some of these could be the culprit http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/slideshow-sex-drive-killers
It's sounds like you are already being very considerate for your wife, helping around the house and with taking care of your kid(s). Kudos to you for that. It could be something that you're still not doing for her though, whether it be emotionally or physically. Try being open with her and being open with communication. My own personal sex life is just now beginning to resemble what it did previously before my daughter was born, and she is 16 months old. Sometimes it really does take time after the baby to get into the routine of all of the added responsibility a new child can bring. The best thing you can do for your wife is continue showing patience.
It's somewhat embarrassing the way some of these women portray themselves on here. Playing into the whole, "I'm a *** and I'm going to make my callous and offensive opinions known so you feel like a jackass". I think these women should probably be preparing for the "Second time around" forums on The Knot. Try showing some compassion every now and then ladies, you might just like it.