Sex & Romance
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Turned off
Hi everyone!
Am I the only one who has a FI who will not have sex with me when I have my period? He said he is turned off by it, which I can understand, somewhat! But just because I have my period doesn't mean I'm not horny! Should I be bothered that he wont have sex with me when I have my period? It doesn't bother me that I have my period! lol! Thoughts please!
Re: Turned off
I personally would be very offended if my partner were not OK with something that naturally happens with my body. I generally don't have intercourse with my partner during the heaviest days of my period, and on those days we go for other things. But on the lighter days, we throw a towel underneath us and all is well. I don't believe anything my body or his body does naturally is gross or a turn-off, so we both embrace it.
If I were in your situation, I would talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. Have sex a few times during your period to show him it's not all that messy really and easily cleaned up. Maybe he'll change his mind.
He is not the only guy like that. You shouldn't worry about it. You could try to get him in the shower or bath with you!
Hmmm. If he is skeeved out by it, you are NOT going to be able to change his mind. You might want to reconsider your engagement if this will become a life long annoyance. Yes, I know it's "only" one week out of the month and you can do other things and blah blah blah.
My XH was this way and it was insulting and hurtful. I divorced him (for a myriad of reasons). I am now engaged to a man who isn't an immature moron. I suggest you do the same.
I think the reason most men say they don't like it is so they can get a week of non-reciprocal BJs.
IDK, I don't think it has to do maturity. I think there are some men that do not like the sight of blood. It boils down to personal preference, really. Some men are up for it and others aren't. I don't think it is mean or disrespectful if a man says I am just not that into having sex with you when you are on your period.
Personally, I am always shocked when DH says let's go for it when I am bleeding, because I feel unsexy.
I think in this case the OP needs to grow up and let this go!
Well, if this is really a blood phobia, I would expect that the H would also be freaked out when he cuts his finger. My guess is he doesn't mind any other blood.
Any man who expects his needs to be met (BJ week) while denying the needs of his partner is indeed an immature azzhat.
I don't think the OP is the one who needs to grow up at all. She has every right to be annoyed at his "preference".
The OP didn't state that he only wants BJ's that week.
And I find it interesting that you quoted me when others said basically the same thing. Just because YOUR EXH was a douchebag doesn't mean every guy that doesn't want to have sex during a woman's period is a douchebag. So yes, the OP needs to grow up and realize that this isn't a hill to die on and isn't that big of a deal.
Thank you for calling my H an immature azzhat! The entire thought of having sex with me while I am menstrating kind of grosses him out. He can't handle the sight of other people's blood. He is really not sure how he will be able to handle being in the delivery room when the time comes and we have children. But he will be there with me.
His not wanting to get it on with me when AF is visiting has nothing to do with maturity and wanting a a week's worth of BJs. It is a preference thing. Plain and simple.
I only quoted you because you replied to my comment about maturity. Why else would I have quoted you?
No, she didn't say he was looking for a week of BJs. But she did say that she was horny and wanted something. He is willing to do nothing from the sound of the OP. I think that he does need to grow up and learn to compromise. It may not be a hill for you to die on, but it sounds like the OP is bothered by this. Just because you don't think it is a big deal soesn't mean all others should feel similarly.
It seems stupid and immature to get all skeeved out over something that happens naturally every month. I say the same thing to women who insist on using condoms because "semen is sooooooo gross". Stupid and immature.
This is how I feel as well.
"I think the reason most men say they don't like it is so they can get a week of non-reciprocal BJs."
Agreed and with their maturity levels.
None the less you should still talk with him if it bothers you. He should at least give it a shot and see just how awful he *thinks* it is.
Um...I don't agree.
OP, I really think that reconsidering your engagement because he doesn't want sex during your period seems a bit dramatic.
I agree with you KMLLUVNMH!
The whole "BJ for a week" thing seems to be her having some uncomfortable flashbacks...Because no one even mentioned that (OP included).
If it were my husband refusing to have sex with me for 1/4 of the month, I would consider that a huge deal. Obviously there are differing opinions here, and the OP is the one who has to decide whether or not this is something she finds acceptable in a relationship.
No, the BJ week is not something I have experienced personally, but it's cute that you think that. When people suggest doing other things (pp did suggest that), I usually assume that means pleasuring the male. In another recent post about period sex, several people mentioned BJs and butt sex as an alternative. That is where the BJ week comment came from.
I don't think it is acceptable to deny your spouse sex one out of every four weeks until menopause. If that arrangement works for both partners, then that's great. My point is that the OP IS BOTHERED by this, so it isn't really helpful to tell her "it's no big deal/this isn't a hill to die on". Clearly, it is a big deal.
My apologies to those who got offended by the use of "immature moron". That could have been phrased better.
Yes, of course it seems dramatic. However, if it's important to her and he's unwilling to budge, that speaks volumes.
Sex is important to those who want it. It seems like a trivial need to those that don't, but being denied sex 25% of the time for (imo) no good reason can grow into a huge sore spot very quickly.
No you aren't. I feel fat and nasty and I do not want to be touched during my period at all. I think period blood is gross and I would rather not have it all over me and him, ick.
D/x with endometriosis Aug. 2011
Expecting "Huckleberry" 8/29/12
UM... Actually the OP asked if "IF she should be bothered by this" meaning she wanted to know about other couples that are opposed to this issue, and if she was justified in being bothered by it.
My period is usually 7 days long (and has been 9 days the last two cycles), and my cycles are only 25 days. I'm sure that somewhat colors the way I see the situation because for me, not having sex during my period would actually be more than 1/4 of the time, but I still don't see myself being okay with automatically eliminating any percentage of time.
Seriously?! Obviously she is bothered since she is asking the question. Are you really not able to discern that from the original post?
Obviously the OP is concerned and I never stated that she wasn't. She asked a question... I answered WITH my personal opinion. My interest is not to go back and forth with you, but rather was originally to address the OP. Bottom line... It's ultimately up to the OP to figure out if this is something she is willing to deal with.