Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hypothetical question
Some background information: My wife has somewhat low self-esteem related to her physical appearance. She's in really good shape, but after having our child, she doesn't really think of herself as "sexy". I do what I can to counteract that, but she feels like it's simply flattery on my part, not necessarily genuine. A while ago we took some pictures of her in various states of undress. It was fun for both of us.
Hypothetically (no, I haven't actually done this yet), if I posted some non-face pics to one of those "rate me" websites, and she got good ratings (she would!), would that be a good or bad thing to show her that other people think she's got a great body too?
Re: Hypothetical question
NO! NO! NO!
Posting naked photos of your wife online and without her permission will not improve her self esteem.
In fact, you might never get laid again if you do that.
ummm.....I don't know it that would be a grrrreat idea, she might feel a bit violated and like you went behind her back for this. And I don't know if that would change the way she sees herself (it's not so much always about the way others see you).
Have you ever read the book 'Men are from mars women are from venus"...go read that, there's a lot about how guys like to always fix a girls problems and how sometimes the girl just needs to vent about stuff, how she doesn't always need a solution.
Note: If she's comfortable enough to let you take nudish pics her self esteem is probably not CRAZY BAD.
That's dangerous territory. Even without her face on there she might get p!ssed about you posting pictures of her naked body on there, especially if she is already feeling crappy about herself.
Have you tried anything else to make her feel better about herself? Or encouraged her to do anything? By that I mean, new hair, clothes, shoes, etc.
Maybe instead of your usual compliments you could send her a sexy text, or whisper something sexy in her ear when she least expects it. Tell her you've been thinking about those pictures, her legs, her butt, anything you find sexy about her.
You're kidding, right?
If my husband posted naked pics of me - even without my face - on the internet, I can gaurantee you that I'd be in a lawyer's office asap filing for divorce.
Oh, and ditto Lil'BlackDress. Speaking as a woman - if your wife is allowing you to take naked/semi-naked pics of her, her self-esteem obviously isn't that bad. If she truly felt like a non-sexy cow and that you didn't find her attractive, she wouldn't be participating in that sort of activity with you.
Just sayin.
OK. First of all, if she's REALLY not believing you when you say that she is attractive, she's not going to believe a bunch of strangers either. When you don't feel attractive, nothing anyone can say helps.
That said...
I agree with this, and think she's just fishing for compliments. Ugh, I hate when women do this.
I also am not sure she'd get the great ratings you're expecting - people online are extremely critical and frequently find ugly things to say about anyone's appearance.
I would NOT do this at all.
NOOOOO!!!! She'll never, ever trust you again. You'd be a complete idiot to go through with that.
Seriously, if my husband did that, I'd file for divorce! It'd be that much of a betrayal of my trust.
You're far better off keeping up with you counteracting campaign. Tell her you love the pictures so much that you'd like to take some more....just keep on talking about how hot she is! DO NOT POST HER PICTURES ON THE INTERWEBZ, FOOL.
This, this, THIS!
What would you do if your wife didn't get amazing ratings? Just never tell her?
This plan is covered in disaster.
Wait - what is so wrong for "fishing for compliments" from your spouse, after having a baby?
You do this and you would be a world class D-bag!
Let's just say, your wife's self esteem is as bad as you say it is. (Though I agree with pp she is just saying it for the attention) She finds out that you decided to post these pictures of her out there, she will come back at you with, "See, I really am that ugly and you just wanted the rest of the world to laugh and see how hideous I really am."
It's pretty manipulative, don't you think? And it obviously bothers him that his words apparently aren't enough. She seems to know she's somewhat attractive for even participating in these photos, so I think it's pretty cruel to make someone continually tell you, to the point that it's annoying for them.
Plus, it's not attractive. if my H p!ssed and moaned about his looks, I'd lose interest in a hurry. It's just not a good idea all around/.
It's pretty manipulative, don't you think? And it obviously bothers him that his words apparently aren't enough. She seems to know she's somewhat attractive for even participating in these photos, so I think it's pretty cruel to make someone continually tell you, to the point that it's annoying for them.
Plus, it's not attractive. if my H p!ssed and moaned about his looks, I'd lose interest in a hurry. It's just not a good idea all around/.
No.
Nonono.
A million times no.
Instead of being accused of base flattery, you would instead face accusations of being the world's largest douchebag. And rightly so.
The fact that this even seemed (in some small way, or you wouldn't be asking the question) to be a good idea baffles me.
How about instead of telling her that she still looks good you nut up and actually show her that she looks good by "dating" again. Go out places and do stuff (when possible, I know with kids it can be difficult). Act like she's still beautiful to you, and for the love of god, don't be afraid to say/do these things in front of anybody (especially your friends).
Are you serious???
Ah, I see your point OMG GP.
I guess I was picturing her saying, "Do you think I still look good after the baby?"
Once would be ok, it's the constant barrage and the idea that his words alone aren't enough.
Just in case this isn't MUD:
No one's self esteem is built up by having anonymous pervs "rate" you.
If this is your plan, why not just take her to a sex club or orgy, strip her naked and ask if anyone wants to her? That should REALLY build her feelings of self worth!
Naw, that stripper on 9-5 was WAY better.
You might want to try reading all the posts again. You will find that he has gotten other advice. Some very similar to what you just said. You are not some sage genius!
I concur.
(ignore this post, sorry! it won't let me delete).
I also believe this is a troll, but just in case...
You probably have the best of intentions. That being said. If my H did that crap, I would kick his friggin teeth out and post pics of his toothless mug all over his FB and the rest of the net.
That is a huge violation of her privacy and her trust. She took those pics for you, not for the rest of the world to judge her.
Ah, the raunchy stench of troll in the evening...
My Cooking Blog
My Baby Blog