Sex & Romance
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Threesomes? Thoughts?
Private intimate sex is fun and enjoyable. I'm married. Sometimes the husband expresses fantasies about having a threesome and I think the idea is a fun one. Does this mean that he's not sexually fulfilled by me? Do you think this is an indication that he wants to be with a different woman? Or can sex, if done responsibly (relative idea I know), be more free and open sometimes in the context of a marriage? And aside from my own situation, what's the general opinion on the idea of a threesome?
Re: Threesomes? Thoughts?
IMHO, Threesomes are generally for your college experimental days. I think far fewer people have had them than one might think. In the context of marriage, there are very few marriages that could really handle that kind of situation and survive.
I've never had one. Have had a few opportunities and I would say it's better left in my fantasy land.
no i dont think it's b/c he isnt fullfilled by you anymore, he's a guy and i think most men like to fantasize and try something new. my DH would love to just watch me with another girl. he doesn't care to be in an actual threesome b/c he doesn't care to be with another girl. but if the idea came up of a threesome he wouldn't do it. are you up for one? or is it just him? would you be ok seeing him with another girl?
The next time you're out, point to the hottest guy you can find and then tell your husband, "I think I just found our third."
ETA: Ditto the pp: Are you prepared to watch him with another woman? You might be cool with it, or it might permanently taint your relationship.
My fiance and I have talked about the same thing. He wants to try it, but I'm just insecure. If I can get over that, I'd probably try it.
A lot of people have mixed feelings about it. I do, only because I'm not sure I want another person to touch me in the ways my future husband touches me. But, another side of me thinks it'd be really hot. It just depends on my mood.
Are you questioning yourself the way you are him?
As pp have said, threesomes are more of a college deal than marriage. If you honestly think you can handle watching your husband being please by another woman, and you're into as you said in your OP... then maybe it's your thing.
Definitely a no for the both of us.
I couldn't and wouldn't. I'm bisexual and have had relationships with women. Although DH says he's fantasized about it he couldn't watch me with another woman because of jealousy and is afraid it would make him feel inadequate (the whole "she's got those parts all the time and I don't thing").
The same goes for me too, he is after all my husband, I wouldn't want another woman's hands on him like that. Like a pp said very few relationships can withstand such a thing. And even if you did it once, would he want it again? With different people? What if all his attention went to her? It might turn you on at first but really think about how you might feel during or after.
Well if he expressed the fantasy, I feel like there is something underlying there in the sense that he would want to try it. People don't usually express a fantasy unless they are dropping hints, IMO.
I, personally, don't think it's the best idea to have one while you're married. If it's something he wanted to do- he should've done it before but you know what you can handle more than any of us will. If you are okay with watching him be with another woman, then, um...yeah (LOL).
I agree with those who've said it's fine for experimentation when you're single or not in a serious relationship. Sex is so intimate, especially when you get married. It's this powerful bond that connects you and that person, even when you're being kinky or just having a quickie.
There are a few people whose marriages can survive bringing others into the bedroom, but they are very few and far between. The fact that you are already questioning his motives and how he's feeling about you shows that your relationship may not be right for this kind of thing. For most people, it leads to trust issues, insecurity and jealousy.
If you can picture your husband having sex with someone else without you and you aren't freaking out, then you may be one of the few couples who can do this and not risk your marriage falling apart. If not, then don't do it. Besides, sometimes fantasies are meant to stay that way and the reality isn't as good as the fantasy was.
DH and I met b/c of a threesome when I was dating someone else. We didn't plan on ever seeing each other again, but after a year had passed, we randomly saw each other again. Once we started dating and things got serious, it became obvious that our feelings for each other would not have allowed us to try another threesome and keep our relationship intact. It's the love part that usually gets in the way of a successful threesome
BNOTB September Siggy Challenge: What I Will Miss About Summer: Swimming whenever I want. This is a pic of the largest pool in the world.
From what my husband has told me, threesomes are a fantasy of every man. He has told me himself that he has fantasized having a threesome with me and some other woman. However, we firmly believe that sex is supposed to be shared exclusively with your spouse, without the involvement of any third person. I think that when you participate in a threesome you are treading dangerous waters. Some may think that sex is just sex, but usually there are emotions connected to it, and I think that if that connection can happen between a man and his wife, who is to say that that connection can't be made between one of them and a third-party, which can eventually come between you and your spouse? I don't know. It's a bad idea, in my opinion.
*edit: sorry, in my first two statements, i was thinking of me being with another woman, not threesomes. Somehow, I got that mixed up. However, the rest of my post still is in response to the OP.
I think it's a normal, stereotypical fantasy that most guys have. It probably is not an indication that he wants to be with another woman. My theory is that this fantasy (and many other things men would be very turned on by) all stem from a desire to see their significant other crave sex as they do. It's the same reason guys love when ladies buy lingerie, dress up, leave suggestive notes, whisper something dirty over dinner, etc.
I've never had a threesome, and I don't think I ever will with my wife unless she really wanted to. And even then, I would not be able to participate in a devil's threesome. That said, I'm sure a great many happy marriages include an extremely experimental sex life, so I wouldn't offer this as a hard-and-fast rule. My only advice would be not to do it unless you really want to, rather than because you're trying to satisfy his fantasy (assuming he would actually take it that far himself).
I have been trying to find my old posting on threesomes all morning and can't find it -- so here is the abbreviated version.
Threesomes can be great -- sexy, hot and liberating. I have had several that were rewarding and fun and have gained me some lovely friends.
Threesomes can also be painful and reveal unnoticed cracks in a romantic relationship.
My Rules:
1.) Don't sleep with a close friend of either of yours.
2.) Discuss in advance between you and your partner the EXACT limits of your sexual encounter. Who can do what? Do you want your partner to have vaginal intercourse with the other person (if the third is a female)? Do you want to have the other person's penis in you (if the third is a male)? Sit down and really hash it out so that later neither one of you feels like "things went too far".
3.) Have a safeword. This word will bring all proceedings to a halt immediately. This word should be conveyed to your third, so that they know what is going on. If anyone in the group feels like things are off or they aren't comfortable, they say the safeword and everybody stops immediately and WITHOUT POUTING puts an end to the sexual events of the evening.
4.) The third must be attracted to BOTH of you. If one of you feels like the outsider, the mood will sour quickly. This is actually the hardest part of finding a good partner for a threesome...finding someone your both agree on and who wants to do both of you.
5.) No one may ever say "I really loved how Third did xxx. Can you do it the way Third did?"
6.) Spend the next day or so re-affirming your primary bond. Tell each other how much you love one another. A lot.
I agree 100%. My DH and I have been in the lifestyle for many years and what DaringMiss said is very true.
Wait, wait, wait...
You post this OP here and then later you post this:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/35418452.aspx
Muddy MUD, MUD MUD.
It's my middle name I guess. But hey, I'm a newbie still. Don't I have like. . . a grace period or something?
Wait, what is a devil's threesome?
LOL.. good catch!
::waits around for an explanation of "devil threesome" and wonders if you can also have a "angel threesome."
Devil's threesome=two guys and one girl. Get it? Because it's GAY and so is Satan!
Are you serious???
Nothing to do with "gay," it's just a 'How I Met Your Mother' reference.
Made up drama? It was in the orientation video.
Hahah! I love that. Finally, a newbie with a sense of humor.