Grand Rapids Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Is anyone else...
I 100% see your point but some people are comfortable with taking that risk in order to be happy.
I'm guessing all the side eye comment meant was that the blanket statement that "everyone" should work doesn't apply to everyone.
My thoughts from another perspective: If I had the choice, I'd stay at home for sure for the first year or so of my babies' lives. I'm not in that situation though. Some people view providing finanical stability as top priority, while others view being there with their child during those important developmental stages as top priority. I think it's more of "to each his own" kind of thing.
It makes me sad to think of all the time I'm going to miss away from my baby - possible first steps, first words, first smiles or giggles b/c I'm at work. To you that probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is to me. And I may not miss out on any of it at all while working, but there is certainly a greater risk. I also dread the nightly ritual of packing up a daycare bag - bottles, diapers, clothes, toys, etc. and taking even more time away doing drop off and pick-ups. If I was at home, I wouldn't have to worry about that. I could also get my child on schedule if I were around, make sure they always had healthy meals, etc. I'd never have to miss a school play or a school party, etc. Just to throw some examples out there. These may or may not ever apply to me, but I'm sure these situations come up with working parents.
At the same time, I would need adult interaction too! I like working and having my own financial independence too. :-)
So my guess is the previous posters were just trying to provide another view point that not every situation is black and white, and what works for others may not work for everyone.
I get what you are saying, but I still stand by my opinion that it's not responsible to put the family's financial health in the hands of one person. Even if working just pays for DC, I think it is important to remain in the workforce just in case. Also, what will the SAH parent do once the children are grown? I think it is important for both parents to have lives outside of raising their child. I agree that missing those moments and the burden of juggling parenthood with full-time work is a big deal and probably very hard, but it is part of being a responsible parent.
OK, clearly you're not going to change your view but I just wanted to make sure that you are aware that if you bring up this opinion in front of a bunch of non-working moms, I hope you're wearing a suit of armor!
Well, like I said, it's not a black and white issue. I think it's a little pessimistic to assume someone needs to remain in the workforce "just in case". To me that's playing into unnecessary fears of your spouse leaving you or your spouse losing their job. Those two scenarios may never happen. It also assumes that people have no contingency plan or are in poor financial health, and have put no thought into their decision. With careful financial planning, a lost job would not be the end of the world until the person got back on their feet. And some people don't have to worry about that anyway. What if the wife's family is wealthy enough (trust fund) to support her and her kids should her husband leave her or die? There's just too many factors that weigh into every situation to say everyone needs to work. That's simply not true.
Not every woman or man who doesn't work has a life that revolves around their children, I assume. I'm sure plenty of them volunteer, are part of women's groups, members at gyms or country clubs, and have some sort of social life or hobbies outside of child rearing. And so what if their life does revolve around their kids? Is that such a horrible thing to have involved parents these days? Besides, what's it matter to anyone else? As long as they are happy and satisfied, I think that's the important thing. Now if the caregiver was resentful of their role, then I think it's a problem, but if they are happy and secure; hey, more power to 'em!
I see what you're saying, Suze, I totally do, but there's a lot of gray area for people in situations that aren't the same as you, or me, or other people on this board. It's a very individual and personal decision that I don't think can or should be lumped into an "everyone" scenario for us to judge. Hope that makes sense.
I'm with Tigers and KerCo on this one. I'm not going to miss out on my child(ren) to bring home $3/hour after I pay for daycare. Not worth my baby's first years at all. If you have kids and want to work, more power to you. To say that my household is unhealthy b/c I stay home is ludicrous. I am "earning my keep" by raising my child to be a productive member of society. Can day care centers do that? Absolutely. But I had my child and I'm going to raise her. That's the decision my H and I made.
What will I do when my kids are grown?
-Get a job. My mom stayed home until my youngest sister was in school all day, then got a job at the school. She never had to miss ANYTHING of ours. It was important to her and my dad to have her home with us.
-Volunteer. I have a teaching certificate. I would LOVE to be able to go in and devote my time in a school to those kids who need extra help but don't have the resources to get it. Also, there's a women's clinic in my town... I'd love to get involved with that.
It's easy to say that women should work after kids... until you have a child. I'm pretty sure you would be hard pressed to find one mother who didn't wish she had more time with her children.