Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: About to get married-couple of questions?
i wish some one would have told me to use lube for my first time. my first time was with my FI. it was kinda a heat of the moment. we were planing on waiting till we got married dwell at least on my side. he had sex and was defiantly more experienced then me. it hurt realy bad when i laid on the bed and he entered from on top missionary style but he told me to get on top and see if it helped any. it helped a lot i was in controll and i could ease on and off till it felt comfortable. my best advice to you is have him lay down on the bed with the towel under him. you be on top and sit with your legs spread on either side of his. and just play around your hole with him. make it fun tease him and just relax i would say use lube the first time that way you wont have so much friction. the condoms will add friction but if your affraid of an oops. then just use extra lube. when getting the lube get a good brand and read the ingrediantes make sure your not allergic to it. buy a few diffrent kinds. i would say no warming ones yet. about a week or so befor or longer try a lil lube on the inside of you thigh and see if you react funny to any of them. i hope i wasnt to graphic for anyone but it was easrier to just say it then to make it sound pretty. have a great ime with you h and be your self. the only thing that matters is that its you and him on your honeymoon it couldn't be better then that!!!
god bless and good luck with everything!!
If you are ok with "fooling around", and it sounds like you are, I would use that time to start figuring out what lubes and such you like. There are so many tingly/warming/flavored options, it's nice to know you like what you have before you base your evening on it. Also use that time to pay attention to what going on and learn as much as you can about yourself and your fiance (tempo, sensitive spots, turn-ons).
I'm on Loestrin as well, it has been fine w/o condoms, but I am breatfeeding part-time. My nurse told me to use condoms in addition to my pill for at least the first week and then for at least 3 days after I missed/was late with one.
I waited and my husband was my first as well. He's ten years older than me so by then he couldn't wait. lol. But, I have pretty much hurt every time at the beginning since we got married. I talked to my gyno about it and she said that it's because I psych myself out beforehand and always think about it being painful.
She told me to tell myself this will not hurt and you know what? It actually helped. I've been a lot more relaxed and it is much less painful.
Also, something that has helped me is definitely the lube. We tried a new one for us this weekend called Wet Platinum and it was fantastic. Both of us loved it. We usually use KY Silk but this was much better. I recommend it highly.
Also, get yourself into the mood for love-making (sorry to sound so Dr. Ruthish). Massage each other, wear something that makes you feel sexy and comfortable, take a bath or shower together. Also, a lot of time kissing and doing foreplay helps most virgins. You want to make sure you're relaxed and wet down there.
Even though I hurt that first night, it was still so special because I finally was able to express love to my husband in that way. If you like rose petals and candlelight make it happen.
Keep in mind that it may hurt for more than just the first time. There may be bleeding for more than just the first time. There was for me. In fact, I've basically been bleeding since the wedding, almost 3 weeks ago. We're currently giving things a bit of a rest.
I personally didn't do the whole woman on top thing for our wedding night (I was a virgin, he had been with one girl in college, before he met me) because I am bad at actually being the one to rip off the band-aid, so to speak. I was glad I chose this option, because it was VERY painful, even with lube, going slow, etc. I was basically like, okay, this hurts, do what you need to in order to finish, and I competely zoned out after that. If I was the one doing the work, that wouldn't have worked so well.
Granted, everyone's experence is their own, and I don't want to scare you. I have heard everything from no pain to so painful that consummation was not possible for months. I knew that I was "in for it" because I have never been able to use tampons due to pain. Also, since my hymen surrived equestrian activities and such, it was a tough little bugger to kill. Otherwise, it would have been gone years ago. lol
This is addressed to ocprincess. I was just wondering what?s happening here. So here is your posting in black with some remarks of mine in blue.
Keep in mind that it may hurt for more than just the first time. I agree that it will sometimes hurt ? be uncomfortable for a while. There may be bleeding for more than just the first time. Bleeding is also possible that first time ? even that first few times. There was for me. Sex especially if you?re tense, nervous, or stressed; but, it should start feeling good even great after a short while ? usually within that first four to five days. Actually your entire vagina is an amazing part of your body. It will stretch to accommodate even the largest of penises that are out there. In fact, I've basically been bleeding since the wedding, almost 3 weeks ago. This is not normal so I highly suggest you get an appointment with your doctor ? the one giving you your pre-marital physical. You have a problem that needs ? should be addressed now! We're currently giving things a bit of a rest. It?s good you have put intercourse on the back burner ? for now. You see that doctor as quickly as possible!
I personally didn't do the whole woman on top thing for our wedding night (I was a virgin, he had been with one girl in college, before he met me) because I am bad at actually being the one to rip off the band-aid, so to speak. The woman on top is for the woman that?s comfortable with that ? it gives her the most control of his penetration, depth, speed, she controls his every movement in and out, back and forth. When you are a little more relaxed you can take control of your pleasure. This may take a little time getting into this mode ? just don?t worry about it. I was glad I chose this option, because it was VERY painful, even with lube, going slow, etc. As for the lube you sound here as though you?ve not had enough foreplay; so you weren?t naturally lubricated well to begin with before penetration began. I was basically like, okay, this hurts, do what you need to in order to finish, and I completely zoned out after that. By saying this then you?re not communicating with hubby ? now you?re being abused at that point (just being raped). If I was the one doing the work, that wouldn't have worked so well. Here since you did not even try getting on top ? how do you know this to be true?
Granted, everyone's experience is their own, and I don't want to scare you. True we all have our own unique experiences. I have heard everything from no pain to so painful that consummation was not possible for months. Hum! That?s possible. I knew that I was "in for it" because I have never been able to use tampons due to pain. Here I?d just like to know why did you get married in the first place if you assumed the pain was going to be so unbearable ? you would be better off staying single. Also, since my hymen survived equestrian activities and such, it was a tough little bugger to kill. Are you saying here it was intact until now ? then why didn?t the doctor take care of that for you in your pre-marital physical (he/she is supposed to get rid of it so it?s not a problem? Otherwise, it would have been gone years ago. I wonder! lol
Let me state here I?m not doing this as criticism of you or your situation; but, as an observer for you.
IMHO here are some observations made from your posting:
I feel that you and DH are not getting off to a good start in your marriage together. Both of you need to communicate better about what you expect of each other on starting a good sound relationship in your sex lives together. After all sex is a partnership enjoyed ? not a chore for one while pleasure for the other. I see that you should ask for and receive at least the same enjoyment from it that he does.
I do not really think he would or will enjoy intercourse with you if he knows that it?s a chore of you ? as if he?s a rapist. Think about that ? really give it some thought ? do you want him just raping you?
You of one don?t have to just lie there being used as an object of or for his pleasure. He should take time to make you feel special ? as all girls, women, and ladies are just that (special). After all is said and done ? you should be the one having fun, pleasure, enjoyment, fulfillment this is a bonding of two into one creating a union together. If you obtain this then he?s doing what?s expected of him ? it?s in his best interest to do this. If he doesn?t both of you will get bored, things will get to a point that you can?t stand being with each other ? is this what you really want? You take time to build on a solid foundation of togetherness.
You have to remember ? he?s not able to read your mind; so tell him what you want, need, expect out of this your marriage ? it?s in yours and his best interest ? this all sounded as if you're having no fun at it!
Marriage is a 100% commitment to each other ? you as well as he must give that 100% all the time. It?s not a 50 -50 split.
~~Emily~~
Thanks for all the great advice and everything everyone had to say! I really appreciate all the time everyone took and I'm sure this will help a lot.
The wedding is in four days!