Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Hi and help!
"The best lover I ever had had a small penis. He was totally upfront about it, even made jokes about it, but assured me that he knew what to do with the rest of his body.
And OMG!, what that man could do with his tongue and fingers and toys! Seriously, I lost count of my orgasms after 17! He was fun in bed, utterly enthralled with pleasuring a woman and just loved being sexual.
I have had lovers who were very well endowed and were selfish lovers, so I don't link sexual satisfaction with penis size. What matters in bed is humor, sincere desire to please your partner and actively attempting to do so.
Your husband withheld the information that he knew you would want to know. He is ashamed of his penis and it is affecting his attitude about sex. He needs to get over it and embrace his sexuality.
Now, you need to decide how *you* feel about his actions and whether or not the lie (coupled with that nasty attitude of his) are enough to make you want to walk."
By far the best reply!!
The only thing I might suggest is that Slumber Parties has a cream that tightens up your vagina if you're interested in that at all. I've heard it actually works like crazy.
It's the lying by omission that I find worrying.
Everyone's saying they wouldn't be satisfied by a thumb and probably not, but you can penetrate with lots of other things. It may be worthwhile to look into lesbian sex practices, as you'll find a lot of info on stimulating two clits at once and interesting ways to receive penetration. I've been with women, but I'm monogamous with my straight FI now, and we both enjoy toys and modified tribadism, not to mention things straight couples often do like oral and manual.
Porn's not really a help in gauging actual size, as my FI thought his fat *** was tiny thanks to porn. But, yeah, I don't know how one makes it to adulthood without learning about real averages. Again, I feel it shows a lack of respect for you to keep this kind of info from you and no matter how uncomfortable he is with talking out sex problems, that's all you'll be doing for awhile and he needs to suck it up and embrace sexual frankness or never be happy.
This is exactly what I was thinking. The discovery of his smallness is certainly not a picnic, but his attitude is more of a red flag for me. Although, I know you don't want to hear it and I know it doesn't help now, but this sort of thing is exactly why I'm anti-waiting. Just a PSA to anybody idly reading the thread.
But yeah--the SUPER non-disclosure (srsly, if you know you're below average, or above average, or whatever, you can at least mention it pre-wedding even if you're not down for doing it until after), the idea that he may have been hiding it on purpose, the guilt tripping of "well, if you had just been a virgin, too," etc. It's indicative of lacking communication skills, honesty, clear judgement, rationality, sensitivity (no pun intended)... I would consider those things when thinking about any sort of annulment, if you're weighing that in your head already.
As far as dealing with the physical aspect alone, well... it's going to be an uphill battle... I wouldn't dump a lot of money into pumps or extension pills. They're kinda gimmicky. I'm not well versed on the pills, but all the pumps really do is direct blood flow into the penis so it gets temporarily engorged. It's not a lasting thing. So as long as you understand it's a per-use sort of deal, and it's not going to go from 3 inches to 12 inches.
Try different positions, toys, teaching him how to best pleasure you with his tongue and his fingers. It is good that he's willing to learn that.
C-ck rings will trap blood in the penis as well--it's mostly used for people who can't maintain an erection, but it could help him stay at his biggest longer. Just make sure he takes it off after 20 minutes, otherwise he risks getting gangrene. You don't want to make this problem even worse by necessitating amputation.
Also, don't put too much emphasis on his penis in the bedroom. You could potentially compound the problem by giving him performance anxiety... if his penis is tiny + experiencing ED... not fun. Don't make PIV sex the main event or the finish line. Place equal pleasure value on oral, manual, etc.
You can look on the bright side... you'll never be one of those women agonizing that you can't deep throat your husband!
Get an annulment and soon. It won't get better with time. You were tricked by his waiting til marriage idea. If he was not honest about that what else will he deceive you with.
You need to find a man who meets all your needs.
Get out and Good Luck
I actually agree with you (and the rest of similar responses), however, I wonder if you guys would feel the same way about the (admittedly stereotypical, but very much real) wife who suddenly stops wearing lingerie, initiating sex, trying new things in the bedroom, etc. once that ring goes on.