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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Potluck wedding
Not to mention that 50 people won't consume every dish that is there. That's a lot of work for food that might only be eaten by a handful of the guests.
OMG...I didn't know that there were people that tacky out there...no, wait, yes I did I was just in denial. Good for you for RSVPing no and sending a message that this is not OK. I wouldv'e mailed that part of the invite back with my RSVP card to tell them what I thought about it.
The closest thing I've ever seen to "potluck" at a wedding are the cookie trays that Italian families tend to make. The aunts and cousins and grandmothers all make their special cookies and there's a huge long table full of them somewhere near the cake.
But to ask your guests to provide the buffet? No way.
::: wipes drool off of kb :::
Certainly a small family agreeing to do this out of a sense of love and fun is completely different, as a few people have pointed out.
I agree with KateLouise. There is nothing wrong with an intimate, smaller wedding. BUT, I think what they are trying to do is "have their cake and eat it too" - sorry for the pun!
They expect you to 1.) feed their guests 2.) pay for your own booze & 3.) I am assuming still bring them a gift. Sheesh! Sounds more expensive than being in the bridal party!!
I would politely decline and would not make any mention of why you are declining.
Tacky doesn't begin to describe what they've done with that request.
First of all, if they don't have enough money to supply food to their own guests then they either have too many guests or they need to just deal with only being able to supply the cake and punch. They shouldn't expect other people to make food for their wedding when food for that many people can actually end up costing MORE than what people would pay for a gift and on top of that you have to pay for your own booze. No way.
I'm glad you declined. I would too.
**edit**
I just had the amusing though of the guests sitting in the ceremony with their assigned "dish" in their lap. LOL. I know that there will probably be a table to put all the food at but it was a nice laugh for a brief moment.
Not only would I not go (and I definitely wouldn't send a gift), I would be sure to write a little note on the RSVP card telling them EXACTLY why I'm not attending.
I'm sorry... but a 150 person, traditional wedding reception is not a fvcking right. I worked my azz off to have my 130 person wedding because it was important to me. Whereas my sister has more important things to pay for (major dental work), so they're having a 30 person, brunch reception. You have NO right to invite 150 people to a wedding and then ask those people to front the bill for your big party. It's obvious in this case that they can't afford the wedding but they want the 75 gifts/checks.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Chick fil A platter, it's my go-to for pot lucks when I have no time. Anyone having a pot luck wedding would love a Chick Fil A platter.
I sure hope they put "no gifts please" on the invitation.
Something tells me they didn't, though.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Honestly...I'd either do as PPs suggested and make ONE box of brownies- or I'd RSVP and explain that after the gas for the trip and H's tux rental, money is pretty tight so you won't be able to contribute a food as well. Is it true? Probably not. But I'm a principle-based person, and I just cannot believe that people do this and think it's okay. I'd say no I can't bring a dish because we're already spending X amount of money just to be in YOUR wedding- you're on your own with the food! I would have a really hard time even spending $2 to make brownies because the principle is that they are being rude!
I would love to be a fly on the wall at that reception. I have a feeling the bride and groom are going to be shocked that nobody wanted to prepare food for 50 people.
What delusion.
Potluck weddings are fine when there are maybe 30 people, more than that and it gets weird.
Reminds me of what FSIL said about planning her wedding as she watched me plan mine: "I would have no issue with making people pay 100$ for their meal, i shouldn't have to pay for their food. But i would still expect gifts". I told her if she did that i wasn't going...i don't care if it's my brother.
I wonder if this person talks to my FSIL lol.
This thread makes me giggle! My ILs gave me so much grief for having a themed wedding with themed food... also asking if we were offering the "right" kind of beers. At least we fed people and paid for drinks!
And just for argument sake, all loved our theme and party, except the ILs!
I would be interested to hear from the B&G to see how many people RSVP'ed, how many actually brought food, and if they received gifts too.
Wow!
I'm sad to see that everyone thinks a pot luck wedding is tacky. I've been to a few, and they were all a blast. A pot luck is less up tight and stuffy than a traditional wedding. Honestly some of you sound so uptight that I bet you really suck to be around. Why do you think that a pot luck reception can't be a great party? You're a really sucky friend to be so offended over something like that.
Only the OP knows the circumstances of the people who sent the invite, and they probably know their circle of friends and family. OP needs to think about it for a second before having negative reaction. Does it just make sense for them to do it this way?
I know it sounds rude that they told you what to make, and how much to bring, but do you think their invite came across the right way? Do you think maybe you're reading way too much into it? Maybe they simply didn't think it through, but didn't want 50 guests to all bring potato salad... There could have been a more tactful way to ask maybe the closest guests to bring a dish..
I'll admit that there was some wording in my invites that I was advised to change because the proof-readers throught it was tacky (extra info about booking flights/hotels for my DW).. Honestly I had NO idea that it sounded tacky/rude and never intended for the invites to come across that way, I was just trying to be helpful to guests while keeping my records organized.
And finally... Don't be pissed that your friends want to have a backyard pot luck reception just because you dropped $20K on a wedding. You did what YOU wanted, and they're going to do what THEY want. Other people shouldn't have to spend $20K so they can have a fun wedding celebration with their friends and family.
Logically I can't stop thinking about it. I would love to watch this wedding take place!
I was invited to a wedding last weekend, where we were asked to bring a side dish for 25-40, bring alcohol, and fireworks as well, for the reception. I declined.