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Kegels & such...
So my husband and I have had some trouble in the bedroom since we first slept together. It took him about 2 years of dating to finally tell me it is the fact that I don't know how to use my PC muscles and so it feels a bit 'loose'.
Anyway, I started to work on it, but got distracted and we had other problems, so I forgot about it. Fast forward quite a ways... Then tonight (after a failed attempt to get him to O!), he gently told me again ("Please don't get offended hunny...."). I wasn't. Pretty much everything else in our marriage is amazing, and the sex has never been, but he's pretty convinced that is the reason why. So I'm on the search for the best, fastest kegels to get my vag in shape! Also, I happened across something called the "Vagina Bible", and it's $30 for a e-book, so I'm wondering if it's worth it or not.
Has anyone else had these types of problems? Did kegels work for you? How long did it take to get your vag muscles tightened enough for him to feel a difference? Any suggestions/advice would be great! TIA! 
P.S. This is a pseudo-name, as I'm not too comfortable posting this under my real SN. It's pretty embarrassing. But oh well, it's life!
Re: Kegels & such...
I have never had the stamina to stay on top of my kegels. I imagine it's like any other exercise, you have to do it for a while and be consistent in order to see results. Get in the habit of doing it when you pee... stop your stream, start it, stop it, start it, stop it... maybe twice a day, at least. Get into whatever routine works for you.
Have you tried any products? Pure Romance sells a "tightening" cream (or whatever they call it), I think it's called Like A Virgin. There are other products on the market like this. I've never tried them to really recommend them, but some aren't too expensive, you could give it a shot.
Do you and your H have anal sex? Your anus is going to be more of a snug fit for him. You do risk him getting fixated on anal, since the tighter grip is what he's jonesing for, and if you don't like it (which, most women aren't terribly fond of it), that might create a new problem. But I'm an advocate for giving everything a fair shake.
GL!
Uh unless you're storing a bowling ball in your vag all the time, the problem is NOT that YOU are too loose.
PP is right- if he's masturbating often the problem is the fact that duh- his hand is a lot tighter than a vag and he probably uses some kind of damn death grip on his peen. He needs to quit jerking it for a few weeks and your vag won't feel so "loose" to him anymore.
Also since you say the sex has NEVER been that good, you guys might want to see a sex therapist. This all sounds really off.
Do you have children? I ask because I noticed a big difference after the birth of my third child. When I spoke with my OB, she said Kegels can only do so much. They only exercise one small sphincter at the base of your vadge, and that won't undo the effects of multiple childbirths. If the damage is extreme, surgery can help, but my sex life isn't negatively affected enough to undergo anything like that.
Honestly, if my husband made repeated comments like that to me, I'd be awfully tempted to say, "Hope this doesn't offend you, hunny, but this wouldn't be a problem if you had a bigger penis."
about anal - yes, we do that sometimes. I enjoy it a lot. But we both don't want it to become the only way he can get off with penetration.
As for him jerking off, yes, he often does it a couple times a day. I would say it's impossible for him to stop for a couple WEEKS! I know the problem is ME, because it wasn't that way with other chicks. The sensations were greater on his penis, and he could feel THEM "working" during sex, using their PC muscles. I agree, something is off with us in the bedroom. It's been our only downfall in the relationship, but we've come a long way with it. We both have incredibly different backgrounds sexually, and it's made things difficult. Neither of us have had a problem with sexual partners in the past. But for both of us, the problems weren't enough to throw away our relationship. And that's still the case. He's EXTREMELY nervous about therapists, and I don't think he'd agree to going to one, maybe if I gave him an ultimatum, but I'm nowhere near that point right now. There's things we can try ourselves before going drastic.
Nope, no kids for me. LOL Yeah, I guess you're right in a way, if his penis was bigger, it wouldn't be a problem (possibly) :-P, BUT, this is a marriage. It's about compromise and partnership. I know it was hard for him to bring it up. And if he doesn't O, obviously I know something's wrong! It's not my body, the attraction (he gets hard and stays hard!), the positions, etc. So I prefer to know, especially if it's something I can try to change!
about anal - yes, we do that sometimes. I enjoy it a lot. But we both don't want it to become the only way he can get off with penetration.
As for him jerking off, yes, he often does it a couple times a day. I would say it's impossible for him to stop for a couple WEEKS! I know the problem is ME, because it wasn't that way with other chicks. The sensations were greater on his penis, and he could feel THEM "working" during sex, using their PC muscles. I agree, something is off with us in the bedroom. It's been our only downfall in the relationship, but we've come a long way with it. We both have incredibly different backgrounds sexually, and it's made things difficult. Neither of us have had a problem with sexual partners in the past. But for both of us, the problems weren't enough to throw away our relationship. And that's still the case. He's EXTREMELY nervous about therapists, and I don't think he'd agree to going to one, maybe if I gave him an ultimatum, but I'm nowhere near that point right now. There's things we can try ourselves before going drastic.
Nope, no kids for me. LOL Yeah, I guess you're right in a way, if his penis was bigger, it wouldn't be a problem (possibly) :-P, BUT, this is a marriage. It's about compromise and partnership. I know it was hard for him to bring it up. And if he doesn't O, obviously I know something's wrong! It's not my body, the attraction (he gets hard and stays hard!), the positions, etc. So I prefer to know, especially if it's something I can try to change!
You can do Kegels while he is inside you. My SO loves that.
It sounds like you are sexually incompatible which is only going to become worse. My vote is for therapy. Something doesn't seem right and you are blaming this all on yourself - that is not normal.
You sure hubby dearest isn't on the 'small side'?
I find it interesting that this is automatically all on you. And like a PP said, unless you vag is a gaping black hole, i highly doubt you're so loose that he can't feel sensations.
I think there is more to this problem and I think its on his end. He should explain this issue to his doctor.
I'm sorry that your husband is making you feel like this is all your fault. If you have never had this problem in the past, it can't ALL be you. I've had two 9lb babies & my hubby has never complained about me being too loose.
This is def. something that needs work on because sex is such a huge part of a marriage. Don't get me wrong, it's not what marriage is about...but feeling sexy & desired by your spouse is huge!
I wish you nothing but the best in trying to solve your bedroom issues with your husband.
W.O.W.
Yeah, it's totally him, not you. A couple times a day?! Kid needs to keep his hands to himself. Your size is not the issue whatsoever. His need to wank off several times a day is the issue. You might suggest counseling for his 'need' to get off so much.
I 100% agree with the posters who said your DH has a definate problem. After all, you've had partners before, and THEY didn't think you were too loose, right? THEY were able to O?
But, to give you some info, I read online about something that are balls that you keep in your vag to help tighten them up. It might have been in O magazine. There were three sizes, and at first the person writing the article said that the smallest ball would fall out when she was walking around, but she managed to work up to the largest ball. I would invest $30 in those before I spent money on an e-book. After all, you can look at lots of sex manuals for free in Barnes & Noble.
Here's another vote for whipping out the ruler. I'm guessing he's on the small side.
My thoughts exactly. This is not your fault sweetie.
This thread has me ROLLING.
Wow, I think I would laugh in DH's face if he told me to "tighten" my vag.
Lol. I usually masturbate once a day (sometimes twice, ha). I have a high sex drive and I'm pretty sure therapy would do nothing to change that. There is nothing inherently wrong with a high sex drive. Me "wanking" it has no effect on my sex life with DW.
By the way, nice edit on your post. You're right in that your assertion that the OP's H is "not into her" because of his masturbation is completely false. Nice job on figuring that out before someone could call you out on it.
Actually, this seems to have nothing to do with his sex drive. It's a fact that men who masturbate with a vice grip on their d!ck and try to go as hard and fast as they can end up having problems with actual sexual intercourse. These are the dudes who usually jackhammer their way to orgasm. The intervention in this situation is getting the guy to stop masturbating for a couple days, then start back up again with much softer, gentler touches (and sex!) to recondition him.
But, OP, ben-wa balls are also really fun for you and can help with your kegels/tightening mission.
I think your H is a jerk! I'm thinking he has several issues.
1. He needs a damn filter. Telling your wife she doesn't "use her vag" as well as other chicks have is a huge douche move. My H would eat my dag gone flip flop over that one.
2. Maybe he should consider the fact that his man hood is what is lacking.
3. If your H is chokin his chicken several times a day and then complaining that the issues in your marriage are your loose vag, I'm pretty sure he's rubbed one too many out. Maybe he should keep his hands off of it for a while. Don't you know it'll make you go blind.
I recomend you go get an awesome dong vibe. Use it at least twice a day. Next time he tells you you aren't using your vag right, explain his inadequacies compared to your new best friend.
Actually (just kidding, lol! (?) !!!). I've heard this theory of masturbation deathgrip and if it exists, it definitely feel pretty cool that I've never been such a imbecile to execute said deathgrip during masturbation and I certainly feel pretty sweet for not being a jackass that hammers away during sex. If you had seen the poster's (that I replied to) original response, she was positing that he was beating off too much and that was the problem (and that he wasn't into her because of this), which I disagreed with by submitting that beating off a lot probably indicates a high sex drive, which is not inherently a problem.
Since I can't imagine being so stupid that one would masturbate with a sensitivity-killing-callous-forming deathgrip, I generously assumed that her H instead has a small peen. Your welcome, OP's H.
Yep. Probably just a small peen.
Was this meant for me? I haven't edited my post, so I was confused.
Now I'm confused as well. En garde!
So my husband and I have had some trouble in the bedroom since we first slept together. It took him about 2 years of dating to finally tell me it is the fact that I don't know how to use my PC muscles and so it feels a bit 'loose'.
Your communication needs tightening, not your kegels.
See a counselor stat; you 2 have zero communication in your marriage.
I doubt very much if you are "loose" unless you've borne a few children. He sounds like a real peach.
Yu need communication counseling inasmuch as it took him 2 years to convey he thinks there is a problem. He also needs anatomy and physiology lessons and also a lesson in TACT.
I sure hope this is a joke:
Does your husband play with himself a lot? That decreases his sensation when he has real sex. If he's playing with himself, he needs to stop for a few days and then you can try sex again. I bet he'll feel a difference!
He's masturabating 2x a day, you say? Surprised this guy has any energy for sex with his wife.
No, actually, we communicate very well in our marriage, minus the sex thing. And sex problems is one of the hardest things (I believe) to bring up, so I can't blame him for not doing it sooner. Also, I don't think he was SURE what to SAY at first!! I mean, I don't think he knew what to suggest to fix our problem until he realized he thought it could be the tightening thing. We DON'T need communication counseling. We talk about every aspect of our lives, and I know for a fact that sometimes OVER talking about sex problems can make it WORSE for a male. NOT a female, we LIKE to over-talk and analyze things, but men don't respond very well to that. It usualy makes them over-think things and can make the problem worse.
I'm really kind of offended you make the blanket assumption we have "zero communication" in our marriage. THis is ONE aspect of our marriage that i have mentioned here in this post. YOu know very little of that, and NOTHING of ANYTHING else in our marriage. So please don't think you are some see-all, know-all to say that we don't communicate at all. Thanks.
And the masturbation: High sex drive. In fact, I have one too! Masturbating 2x a day is nothing (for me either). And obviously there ARE days he doesn't! Thats just an average!!
You make Jesus cry. Enjoy your horrible sex life with your dysfunctional husband and your gaping maw of a vagina while doing nothing to fix the underlying problems of bad communication and an insensitive husband who plays off of your poor self esteem.
Seacrest....OUT.
Well, since y'all are comparing notes about past sexual partners being so pleased, have you ever had a man complain about your vag before? Have any of them had issues getting off? Have you ever been told by any of the men smaller than your H that you need to be tighter? If so, then yeah, maybe you do have the Grand Canyon for a vag. If not, pick your self confidence up off the floor and smack him with it.
Anyway, I started to work on it, but got distracted and we had other problems, so I forgot about it. Fast forward quite a ways... Then tonight (after a failed attempt to get him to O!), he gently told me again ("Please don't get offended hunny...."). I wasn't. Pretty much everything else in our marriage is amazing, and the sex has never been, but he's pretty convinced that is the reason why.
He broached this topic while in the sack???
Is he bloody daft?? Nice place to discuss it -- and to preface it with "don't get offended but"!!!
He's got another whole problem in itself -- he's having trouble ejaculating so he's passing the buck onto you, Large Marge.
And his BIGGER problem is his techniwque of COMMUNICATION: no tact at all. A B52 on a bombing mission has more tact than HE does.
Can I slap this peach upside his head? Can I Can I huh????
And the sex hasn't been the greatest?
If you were sexually active with him before marriage and you found out he wasn't exactly the animal in the bedroom you wanted a guy to be, you shold have said goodbye to him there and then.
And again....I see no communication. Haven't you talked to him? Shown him what turned you on? I guess not.
He needs to see a doc to determine why he can't ejaculate during intercourse --- are you sure he is ejacuating during anal? (and I sure hope he's using a condom during anal -- and never follow anal sex by vaginal sex. Don't ask about the type of virulent bacteria you can have transmitted to you) If he is not, he needs to see a physician.
I am guesing his non ejaculation during vaginal sex is psychological. He probably thinks sex is dirty -- was he brought up in a household where sex was taboo? Or does he somehow fear you'll get pregnant?
A sex therapist can help solve this problem...but I'm afraid that his subtle as a fart in an elevator technique of discussing anything sexual with you cannot.
If you meant it for someone else, would you mind editing your post so that it doesn't make me look like an idiot liar?