Minneapolis/St. Paul Nesties
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

perhaps a touchy subject... miscarriages

13»

Re: perhaps a touchy subject... miscarriages

  • imagemaddiemoon43:

     I agree with the 2nd bolded paragraph where you say, "I'm sorry," for a dead spouse or parent too.  The difference is, people leave it at that and (hopefully) don't go on to say things that amount to, "I'm sorry your mom died, but at least you have a dad," or "I'm sorry your DH left you, but at least you got married," or "Sorry to hear your mom has breast cancer.  I remember how relieved we were when our mom's scare turned out to be just fine." 

    But they don't leave it at that. When my dad died, I got a lot of "I'm sorry, at least you have a great FIL" and things like that. I know they weren't trying to be mean, they just didn't know what to say. When my grandma and grandpa died two days apart, a lot of people said things like "At least they had good lives", yeah, they did, but them not being here still sucks.

    People say insensitive things all the time with good intentions. it's not exclusive to miscarriages. There's nothing to do other than say "thank you" and grieve.

  • imagemaddiemoon43:

     I agree with the 2nd bolded paragraph where you say, "I'm sorry," for a dead spouse or parent too.  The difference is, people leave it at that and (hopefully) don't go on to say things that amount to, "I'm sorry your mom died, but at least you have a dad," or "I'm sorry your DH left you, but at least you got married," or "Sorry to hear your mom has breast cancer.  I remember how relieved we were when our mom's scare turned out to be just fine." 

    If people, understandably, don't know what the right thing to say in ANY tough situation, leave it at a simple, "I'm sorry.  I'm here if you need to talk."  AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. 

    That is an interesting perspective on comparing different scenarios where grieving is involved.  Most people wouldn't be insensitive enough to say the bolded parts above but yet we hear of lots of people end up saying really insensitive things after a m/c.  I have no idea why that is - just an observation.

    It's so hard because it seems that grieving mothers expect/want so many different things after a m/c based on just the answers given in this post.  How are we to know?  I wish there was a better way to figure out exactly what would make each individual feel better.  :-( 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards