Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: MIL- thoughts, I guess?
There have been times that DH has felt, over the phone, that she was drunk. Oh, actually, there was a time pretty recently where she called my parents about something, and my mom said it sounded like she was drunk.
SO - she may be drinking more at home than we realize. That's something else to consider too.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And really, that is more why I wrote this. I feel that this is something more serious than what DH and I want to admit to.
This. What you're doing right now is very common for families of dementia patients. I see you wrestling with how you feel about this in this post. Heck, my own family did it. It's SOOOOO much easier to label this as something within the patient's control (e.g., "mental laziness") and feel annoyance/anger than to feel the crushing sadness that comes with realizing that there's a good chance that your loved one isn't able to control what's happening, and likely won't get better.
Regardless, you won't know anything until she has a complete evaluation, so have your DH arrange that ASAP.
I'm not going to throw out a diagnosis, because it could be so many things, unfortunately.
I do know that FIL has altzheimer's. He used to love going to (extended) family parties (including FILs brother and sister and their children, as well as FILs cousins from his mother's side), he stopped enjoying them and would ask to go home early. DH thought that FIL didn't realize how old he was until he saw how old everyone else was, or that he just didn't remember (because they looked different with age) the people that he was related to, and it confused and depressed him. Before that he was literally the life of the party.
Other parts of your post that make me think it is a mental health issue. In a prior post you mentioned that she likes to go shopping for babyECB - has she always been like that? The shopping, the drinking (which can be a form of self-medication for depression) and some of the strange behavior make me think depression. Although sometimes Altzheimer's and depression are related (and not always that Altzheimer's causes depression, but that depression can cause dementia).
I would not rule anything out, and keep an open mind - - don't assume dementia. Your MIL could be suffering from anything from a vitimin deficiency to mental health issues to dementia to complications from her prior surgery or even her drugs. But I think it's important that she seeks help. Your FIL might be in denial, or he may be suffering from the "frog in boiling water" syndrome - where MILs odd habits have happened so gradually for him that they become normal and it takes an outsider to say "woah! this is different!" Also, I know that sometimes NOT having that final diagnosis can keep you hoping that it's nothing. Asking to find out if your partner has Altzheimer's (or cancer) can be so scary!
Maybe your H can approach his dad from the "if we seek medical help, we can get her the help she needs, and there are things we can do to make her more comfortable."
Sorry this is happening to your family.
I don't have any advice to share, because I think a lot of the other PP's gave good advice, but I do want to thank you for posting this.
My MIL sounds a lot like your MIL, except for the health problems and my MIL is only 50. I've always thought she acted a little...weird. I thought I was the only one, until we've been around other people and I can tell by the way they look at her or give side glances that I'm not. She also has no sense of what is appropriate to say or talk about in public. For example, she doesn't work. She hasn't really tried to find another job, she just says that there are no jobs out there. Instead of cleaning or doing a hobby, she sits inside and reads all day long. She reads these Christian love stories that are based on different historical periods. She will sit and tell the entire plot line, including every last detail, of several of the books like she knows these people. She will spend hours talking about this. I've tried to change the subject and she will just start again.
Also, she seems to get confused a lot. My H and I had to go pick her up from the Dr's office one day because she was in tears. She rode with her sister to the Dr and while she was w/ the Dr, her sister ran to Wal-Mart. When she was done w/ her appt, she couldn't find her sister. Instead of just waiting, she tried to call her, but never understood why her sister wouldn't call back. Turns out, she was turning the entire cell phone off every single time to save the battery. She could not understand why she couldn't still receive a call if the phone was off.
She also gets very stressed from things that aren't a big deal at all. If she thinks that someone may be mad or upset w. her in the slightest, she will pace around for days talking to herself. She'll ask everyone she knows what to do about it, cry and then make a huge show of praying about it in church in front of everyone. And she acts "child-like" sometimes...like, she had a magazine w/ a picture of a couple hugging, and she pointed to it and looked at me and started giggling. Or she will become unusually interested in a child's book or toy. And she is obsessed with my hair. It sounds crazy, but she will ask me everytime I see her if I've cut it or if I will let her french braid it. I mean, every single time I see her! She's asked to braid it in restaurants, church, at home, a wedding showers, etc. Then she gets all mopey when I say that I don't think it's appropriate!!
These are just a few examples. But I understand how you feel. I don't have kids, but I really doubt that I would let her keep my children. She seems to get worse every time we see her. I wonder if she is getting early Alzheimers disease since her mother had it, but sometimes I think it is a lack of brain stimualtion. She is so frustrating to be around...I am ashamed to say this, but I dread having to spend time w/ her. Anyways, good luck and I am glad that you posted this because it helped me as well.