Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Not good enough for FMIL
Pre warning I am sorry if there are some mistakes in here I can?t type as fast as these thoughts are coming to mind.
Oh my gosh thank you for putting the way it is (also your next post to. love it)? ok Taylor I was a military spouse before I joined the army myself ( a dream of mine since I was a girl). Notice in the last sentence I was a military spouse I was a YOUNG military spouse.
I was 18 when I married my high school sweet heart and we were madly in love but we were young and we didn?t know what we wanted. I left my university in Chicago to move states away, and it wasn?t easy to finish my degree while being married and working. It was great for 4 years and yes I was once again madly in love with him but we GREW UP became adults (in the maturity since of the word). He was sent on an unaccompanied tour to Korea and that was fine. When he came back he confessed to cheating (don?t say it won?t happen, because I am not saying it happened to everyone) when we worked things out and because we loved each other we tried to. When I eventually graduated from college and decided to join the army myself it got really hard because once I stopped putting all my effort into him, things got real hard. When I came back from training we both realized that it was over. We are still friendly we have no kids no debt and we called it was it was OVER. We wanted different things than we wanted when we were 18.. and I know you want to say that you won?t want different things? but that?s cause your young and in love.
Oh yeah parents should try to talk their kids out of doing stupid things not just let them run around and make rash decisions I wish my mother would have slapped me?. But I would have probably done it anyway. I think you have it in your head what you are going to do. Just to let you know if you get stationed in MO it only takes 30days to file and receive a divorce. But I wish you the best of luck
I am just happy that I met the love of my life when I was older and knew more of want I wanted and our relationship is more stable because of it.
I feel a little humiliated at some of the things that were said about me in a lot of the PP's responses. Reading those definitely made me realize that I was a bit too... emphatic and emotional when I wrote the OP.
First of all, I'm 20. I'm a sophomore in college, and FI's graduation would be graduation from basic training not high school. All of that aside, yes, I realize that I didn't quite portray myself the way I wanted to.
I really appreciate all the feedback from the military wives - it was constructive and encouraging instead of harsh and degrading.
Furthermore, I personally don't view myself as argumentative and rude, but I can understand how it would come across like that when I use the phrase "ballsy" (I'll admit, not my best use of judgement). I didn't quite clarify, but his mother told me that as his girlfriend, it was my job to "serve him and make him happy" and "don't expect him to do you any favors." Personally, imho, I view a relationship as an equal partnership, hence our disagreement.
My parents weren't completely on board when I brought this up initially - it took weeks of coercing, and even then, they're still a little hesitant at times.
And, geez, I know, I KNOW I sounded extremely needy. I just meant, ugh - I don't want him to be happy with anyone else, y'know? I want him with ME, even if it means we won't always be together.
I'm sorry I came across as naive, hard-headed, and just plain stupid. I appreciate the, albeit harsh, criticism.
Also, I am aware of military policies regarding dependency and having to live together. At the pay rate E-3 (I think) one is allowed to choose to live in military housing, off-base housing, or the barracks. I applied for Navy ROTC last semester, so I spent a few months doing research on things like that. I realize that it's not a "now or never" type deal, but I DO know that for me, as a college student, it's much better to either do it after the coming spring semester or two years from then, simply because of the freedom of not having a career or really anything else to tie me down, at this point.
But again, I'm not going to make excuses for my reasonings. I just wanted to clarify that I'm not a completely uneducated dolt. :]
Thanks for the clarification. Your command of the English language is much better than that of most of the 20-year-olds who think they're ready for marriage, so maybe there is hope for you.
I understand what you're saying about the timing of the wedding in relation to your school schedule. If your best options are in the next few months or two years from now, wait two years. Considering you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, two years really isn't that long. If you don't want to be long-distance for that long, get yourself an apartment close to him. A few years supporting yourself and saving up money could only be a good experience for you, especially if you have lived with your parents up until now. You haven't said what your current living situation is one way or another, but it's a lot easier to make the case that you are mature enough for marriage when you aren't relying on anyone else for your basic needs. Plus, it will give you the opportunity to see if your fiance is actually "ballsy" enough to follow through with his promise to cut ties with his family if they don't treat you with decency.
ETA: Typo
I spent last year living in an apartment and paying my way through college. I took out about $10k in student loans, and paid my rent with the job I had at the time, though my parents DID pay for my groceries because I was a freshman. I'm spending this current year going to community college at home, because my paychecks are now going towards my family's needs, because my mom recently had another bout of cancer. I wanted to stay here for at least this year and make sure they were all okay. The plan all along was to get an associate's and then transfer to a bigger university, because then I wouldn't have to worry about credits not being accepted, etc.