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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Advice please (long, sorry)
A little empathy might help. Your MIL has the same protective feelings about her child-like son as you have about your kids. It's difficult for any parent to process the notion of their own child's sexuality. I can't imagine what it would be like to have my child treated as some sort of pariah.
Nobody is treating the BIL like a pariah. He's staying in her home. The OP wants her husband and MIL to keep a closer eye on him, because he could be a danger to her children.
I can appreciate why you are so stuck. However, I would honestly rather be safe than full of a life of regrets. "Just in case"!
And I further would not even feel comfortable with this gentleman (related or not), staying the night in my home with my children, unless they were locked in my bedroom with me. It is rather gross that he can be arroused by children and not control it. Sad as well that his mind is so warped. He too probably feels trapped in a world that nothing makes sense.
However, I would feel like a stalker because any time BIL went in the direction of my kids I would likely find an excuse to be in the same room at all times.
And God forbid the guy try to be an uncle and get close to my kids because I'd probably overreact and flip a lid.
I say this because I had an uncle (by marraige) like this, and he tried to plant one on me. And while he was an uncle by marraige and I was in a age of being able to run off and tell on him, the thought of even being in that position considering he'd molested his own kids just sickens me.
Hugs to you. You will need them to stand up to MIL & H and do what is right for your kids. Again, just in case!
Speak sweetly so that if you ever have to eat your words, they don't taste bad.
~Unknown~
Lesson learned!!
i'm thinking they are HER kids, not THEIR kids otherwise she would've written OUR kids. She wrote MY kids.
perhaps thats the source of the lack of trust for vigilance....
Sorry, I didn't mean to confuse, they are "our" kids. I do feel bad for both my mother in law and husband that their lives are also affected by this, but I don't feel bad enough to forgive how lenient they are with the situation. They both also have the responsibility to protect our children, her grandchildren. And, quite frankly, they need to protect my brother in law from himself! I believe he could still go to jail if he were to commit a crime (not sure about that, but my logic would tell me yes). So, they need to also follow the advice to make sure he doesn't do anything to compromise himself when they have been told how to keep him from any urges.
My kids are young and didn't ask to be put in this situation either. If something happened to my kids I would NEVER forgive myself and my marriage would be over because I would never forgive my husband or anyone in his family. We all know about this potential danger and I refuse to let them ignore it. The visit is happening at the end of this month and ever since I knew the tickets were booked, I have felt a huge knot in my stomach and a strain on my marriage.
Thanks for listening!
Whoa, I think a lot of this thread has been blown out of proportion.
The uncle is not a pedophile sneaking around and touching children. The report only said that there are studies showing that he has become aroused by children due to his disability.
OP, I think your instincts are great ones. You don't think he's going to skulk in the shadows trying to corner one of your children, you just don't want even the slightest possibility of a chance encounter where he may not be able to control his impulses. And I agree with you. In a similar circumstance, I would feel the same exact way.
Take them to daycare. Explain to your husband that the children will have plenty of time to spend with family, but the time they are at daycare will be time that your DH, his brother and his mom can just relax and hang out without having to take care of the children. Be firm about it. If your husband thinks you're being overprotective, that's an issue that can be addressed after the visit.
And I think Kuus is right. I think the laid back attitude on the part of DH and MIL is 99% denial. They don't believe the brother is capable of abusing a child. Maybe they're right. Whether or not they're right is not the issue though. The issue is the OP's taking all precautions to prevent even the slightest chance that the issue will come up.