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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Am I a bad person? MIL story....
We may have the same greedy, entitled MIL. Now if she lives on LI, that would be just plain scary.
Jokes aside, I am really sorry you have this issue and its awful she was that callous when your father passed. It's really disgusting. I have an extremely similar situation going on here. My mother is having much needed expensive dental work done and H and I are helping and MIL has been hinting that she may need help one day too. The only thing is, is that she actually gave us her bank statement once for something for us to handle for her and we know she cries hungry with 12 loaves of bread under her arms.
I like this idea.
Seriously, wouldn't giver her one shiny dime, ever.
Here's the thing-- you don't need to justify your reasoning at all. Let's say you weren't giving your mom money to fix her teeth-- let's say it was for a Carribean cruise. Does that mean you need to give your MIL money for a vacation, too? NO. Because it is YOUR MONEY and it's your choice how it's spent. You are under no obligation to be "fair". By explaining the (obvious) difference between a health issue and a new kitchen, you're opening the door for a debate.
Your husband just needs to tell her, "The money is not up for discussion" and repeat as necessary.
>>Well, MIL somehow (we think that BIL over heard H talking to my mom about her teeth and telling her not worry about the money) found out that we gave my mom this money.
Here's the biggest problems:
1. H should not talk to your mom about money. YOU should talk to your mom about money.
2. No one should talk about your money with other family members in the house/area.
3. BIL should never have been listening.
4. BIL should never tell his mother what private conversations he's overheard.
Thanks everyone for the advice.
H and I are both firm on the matter that she won't get any moneys from us.
The more that I think about it, the more I think that I don't feel guilty at all about not giving her money when I helped my mom. I think it is because I am still holding on to this anger about her reaction to the life insurance.
Again, we haven't told her anything about our finances since H's goof-up 2 years ago. She has tried to weasel in, but H is pretty much like "I have to go now, I am busy.... pretty much just hangs up on her".
Although next time, we decided that we are just going to out right say:
"Don't talk to me about money. I don't want to talk about money."
Then if she continues:
"I'm hanging up now" click.
That is the plan.
I completely agree that I shouldn't have to justify what we spend our money on to her.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
IMO, your mom's was health related and needed to be done, she was in pain. Kitchen being redone if vanity. It's a want not a need. Your mother's was a need. If the kitchen being redone is not vanity and there is really something wrong, where it's not liveable, then yes you should help her too.
EXACTLY.
Giving reason implies she has a say.
She doesn't.
"Mom, this isn't up for discussion". "but...*insert whatever here*". *click (as you hang up the phone)*
But......."I'm sorry, we have to go now" (asd you turn on your heel and leave)
don't engage. Don't let her have any thought that she has a say, she doesn't.
BAHAHAHAHAHA. this.
She is WAY out of line. RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE. Rude. And inappropriate. And RUDE.