Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Holiday drama (It got kind of long, sorry)
What does he say when you tell him he's putting his mother ahead of you?
Have you considered marriage counseling? If I were you I'd be ready to kill him by now, but maybe a neutral 3rd party will help him see that your marriage needs to come before his mother and help you find a compromise you can both be happy with.
And the more you write, the more I agree - this will not change when you have kids. His saying that is just lip service to appease you. But it won't change.
That guilt bit about his uncle?! Are you kidding me? I don't even know that I'd want my kids to be around people who throw that kind of stuff out. But it's obvious that will be used to make your DH feel he has to say "no" to you in order to keep you from pushing him to kill himself (As I write that, it makes me sick).
Seriously- you've married into a screwed up family and this goes far beyond "where you'll spend Christmas".
I have to agree- I think counseling might be in order. At a minimum.
And for the record, I think a man who refuses to put his wife first before his mommy is a reason to get divorced.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
His response is "I'm not putting her before you, you're equally important to me. I don't want either of you to have your feelings hurt and right now both of you are upset." He doesn't see why the way I feel needs to be more important than her feelings about it -- It's not like I'm asking him to go out and do something unreasonably hurtful to his mother.
He agrees that we need to talk to someone about it, so I made an appointment. Wish us luck.
Etsy shop
It makes me sick too. I love him very much and the fact that he sees me wanting to be with him as manipulation and an attempt at control is really hurtful. And the fact that he says "no" just to avoid his uncle's mistakes is just.. there isn't even a word for it. Unfair. Ludicrous.
Etsy shop
I think what might be a good start is a compromise. I agree that you should be able to go to your family's place for Thanksgiving...totally reasonable. But with strong family traditions it's hard to make changes. What if you bite the bullet and have Christmas with them this year and then next year start your tradition? Then you can start making it your tradition that at Thanksgiving you alternate his family and your family, but everyone knows that Christmas is your special time with DH and your kids. I think one year of delayed gratification is worth it to keep the family peace, and start a tradition with DH on your side.