Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: holiday posts
I wasn't on the boards yet this time last year, so I'm hoping the veteran nesties will know better. Were there this many "how to split the holiday" posts at this time last year? I'm surprised it's starting so soon.
To those who are posting about the holidays, I'm not trying to deter you from asking your questions. I'm just surprised and how many this board has seen.
Re: Re: holiday posts
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
And the posts will multiply like gerbils as the holidays get closer. They will have plans and "agreement", then some family member throws a monkey wrench into the plans at the last minute, feelings get hurt and chaos ensues. It's awesome!
LoL, I started following this board in about December, and remember some of the last minute craziness.
But I'll admit... I don't even have a Halloween pumpkin yet. I'm not ready for Christmas talk!
Every. Year.
I feel for these people, but come on! Grow a pair and tell your families what your plans are for the holidays. They will adjust. Cripes!
Heck- do all of these people's parents all run around like chickens w/ their heads cut off too? No, probably not. Everyone goes to ONE location.
So, shocker, now it's your turn to change how you do things. Your parents did at one point, now you will too....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
But I think some of this is people misreading those kinds of statements. They take it to mean "my parents will be SOOOO upset if I'm not there" when the parents are probably literally just saying "We'll miss you, but you have to do what you have to do.".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I also find the post C-mas vents complaining about what that person did or did not get to be quite humorous! They always go something like this: "I've wanted a pony really, Really, REALLY bad for like years but didn't want to tell H what to get me or it would ruin the surprise. It is our first year being married and I want him to read my mind and just know what I want. Now I'm upset because I didn't get my pony. Our marriage is doomed- I never thought I'd be 19 and divorced."
An American Girl's Travels
I find it interesting that so many people have not split holidays before getting married. It seems that all of a sudden they realize they are married and now they need to spend holidays together. What were they doing in previous years? And even if they decided to spend the holidays separated, didn't that decision spark some sort of conversation for the future?
I guess I've either been splitting the holidays too long (that I forget the initial family reactions) or both my DH and my families are flexible enough that we have very little issues. Some of the posts can be very entertaining though.
"My MIL told me her Christmas present was that I miscarried."
Tell me that's not inspired by a real post.
Yep. It's what they do.
Wait'll Mothers Day.
I remember a post very close to that one. Maybe by Sunsh1ne?
My MiL said something similar behind my back last year. After much therapy and many discussions the woman has to send up smoke signals in order to talk to us anymore.
I love the ones that are all " but we ve always done it this way" No your family hasnt always done it this way if they had, your parents would still be schlepping all over the world visiting their inlaws.
For Gods sake people grow a set, realise you and your DH are a family and just because your parents are Mr and Mrs Claus and his are The Grinches, no one trumps anyone.
To an extent, I get people feeling a little sad about changing traditions they love and enjoy. Still, shouldn't the fact that you're getting to make new traditions and expand your holidays to include your husband's family as well as your own make up for it?
And if your family or your husband's family are so unreasonable that they would just lose it if you dare to make your own plans for the holidays, why on earth would you WANT to put yourself out to spend time with them? That's just rewarding emotional blackmail!
Have I told you lately that I love you?
My Minister would not marry us until there was a Holiday Plan in place that both sides (read mother's) knew about.
I really believe that a couple who does not have these things figured out before hand AND who cannot roll with any punches should not be married. Because if you cannot hand something like this, how are you going to handle the bigger issues that could happen to you.
I can't comprehend that these people are unable to sit down for 5 minutes with their spouses and develop a fair plan on how to divide the holidays. Is there no communication in these relationships? It seems like tantrums from 25 year old babies not willing to compromise for their spouses???
Yes, the same thing happens leading up to Mother's Day. Every year.
I have mixed feelings about this. On one level, I think it's funny and a pretty smart thing to do. On the other hand, I think it's kind of treating the couple like children. But seeing how much drama this issue seems to cause, I guess it's a necessity.
His view was if the couple wasn't mature enough to have covered something so "important" (these decisions not only affect the couple, but the extended family), then they were not ready to marry.
He's nothing, if not thorough.
I cannot fault him. I mean really, if you haven't really agreed on this issue, then have you covered any of the other issues thoroughly?