Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sexting? How do you forgive and move on?
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Re: Sexting? How do you forgive and move on?
when my husband and I were having issues and I seriously thought about leaving I stayed with my mom for a month and came back home to my husband. Because even though he is in the military and he came to visit me whenever possible.driving 8 hours by himself both ways. Sometimes people don't know what's good until they don't have it anymore.
if he really loves you he would go to the ends of the world to make you happy.
LOL! Sure. And 75% of statistics are made up.
I am reminded of the poster who has a sig that says something along the lines of "What journal was that in? "Convenient theories for You Monthly"?
You rang? ::points down::
Before my H and I were married, for the first 1.5 yrs I kept finding emails to ex gf of his, recent ones, pics sharing, and sexting w pics also. I confronted him many many times and should have left before we ever got into marraige. He blamed me partiallay as well for him sexting and still being personal with them. Partially he also gave me this lame azz excuse that "he was put here to screw anything and everything...thats what men are made for..." later on we finally had a discussion that he had a sex addiction problem. I had no problem if he wanted to stick to "pre-fab" porn online but if he wanted a relationship with me and to eventually marry me, then he would have to stop with the personal relationships and fork over his passwords, since I had no prob sharing mine or letting him even answer my phone. There were times that it was obvious to me that his mind had been pre-occupied, when he would go for the majority of a week w/o touching me in the slightest and we would argue about it and then I would find the truth buried in a pc file or online. Thank goodness that he never got physical with them and just kept it to pics and vids. (We r both self employed and could sneak up on the otherone at the drop of a hat , so we never knew when that would be). I still find myself trying to rebuild trust from his acts, and he knows this. I dnt know if I will ever full trust him but I do know that he finally got the point.
We have been married for 2 yrs this Dec and so far so good. I dnt mind the pre-fab stuff becuz it does tend to give him ideas for our sex life rather than take away from it like his personal communications were. I have also settled down to the idea that i dnt have to have sex every night of the week (nice thought though
)
In your case though, you're already married and he did this too you and from nearly the beginning, you caught him, he turned the tables and continued to blame you and do it again... His plan didn't work out with worker-girl so he came wiggling back. But how long or soon til he decides to try and hide the next one and so on until he brings home something pennicillan wnt cure? There is already so much distrust in your lives together. If he isn't willing to take full responsibility for his actions, get help and be the husband he is SUPPOSE to be, then off with his head!!
Hmm. I seem behind on this by several months. For some reason this thread was featured today on the bump.com.
If you are still out there, iamaredhead, (or if you found this thread because you are in a similar situation) then let me say what I don't see here:
You married this man with the plan to live and grow old with him. I don't know how long you were with him before you got married, but I have been divorced (after 10 years). I won't go into our situation, but I will say that hurts only heal when people apologize, change their behavior, and are able to trust again. Ultimately, I was not able to trust my husband (different reasons), even though, in the end, I believe he really was very trustworthy-- it was my own hurt I couldn't get past and some of the destructive things I felt guilty for doing to myself with that hurt.
That said, I DON'T think you leave him, and that's the end. If you are on thebump.com, it seems you probably have a child or a pregnancy. In my experience, the first year of marriage is the hardest-- when all those things you saw as ideal in your mate come home to roost as very real, and sometimes unpleasant, realities. I am currently living the second year of marriage and first year of baby with my second husband, who I spent a good and long time picking out, I might add, and it's tough. I mean, we go from being carefree, flirtatious, and spontaneous when we date to trying to live up to the things we think we are expected to be when we are married-- and worse with kids.
There is never a good reason to cheat, and I don't know your husband-- does this seem to keep with his character? At the same time, there are real fears and changes that can occur in relationships that can cause people to act in ways they never dreamed they would.
Love is hard, and most days it's a decision rather than an emotion. It seems your husband doesn't realize the difference between feeling in love and loving-- but maybe you do see it. Love often means (in the absence of abuse-- and telling you this was your fault, by the way, was abuse) doing what is right and best for the other person even when you don't 'feel' in love.
If you two could go to counseling and open a really strong dialogue together, I think maybe it would help. At least, then, if you do end up getting divorced, you'll know you did everything you could-- and you'll know that your own word (good and bad times) will still be valid.
Also--- for counseling, I'd look for something that has like a weekend retreat. I found an hour together just stirred the pot, but a few days of forced/ supported communication was really beneficial. I think if we hadn't had the unusual living circumstances we had (different states) even my first and I might have been able to weather that one last storm.
whether physically or with words, he was lusting over someone else, in my eyes, he was cheating, even if it never went beyond words. when your in a relationship its "you and me" not "you and me and these girls im Tm'ing"
i had a similar situation with my husband. he's an online Dj and part of his schick is talking rounchy with females for tips. i found files on my computer from yahoo messanger where he was talking to a girl about going to colorado and "getting her off" it was 2 am, and i woke him up and told him that im not going to wait for him to up and walk out on me one day, that if he felt like he wanted to go to colorado to pack his *** right then and there and start walking.
needless to say, those chat clients have been deleted and i havent had a problem since.
....
BAHAHAHHAA wow. niiiice.
So, I am curious to know where your situation stands?
It doesn't matter if there was anything physical or not, sexting is still cheating. & if that early on there is any form of cheating (especially with him blaming you & then doing it again) chances are he is a "serial cheater".
I'm not going to tell you what to do or pretend I know everything about you situation, but you'll save yourself a lot of heartbreak if you get out now. If you really think this is worth saving and genuinely think he can change, not just in denial (and serial cheaters rarely ever change) then go to marriage counselling.
Aaaaaaand you married this gem?
Another really good book that is WELL worth the time is Love Dare. But you have to commit to it.
I was actually in a similar situation with my husband when we were dating. For us, though, it was drugs. Take it from me, it takes so much effort on your part to be able to finally trust again. It took me nearly two years to trust my hubby. If you love him, and you feel that it's worth it to try to work things out, do it. If being with him will make you happy, do whatever you can. If nothing comes from all of your efforts, then reevaluate your feelings toward him and your relationship. If you decide that it's still worth it, keep trying. If not, then tell him, "Look. I love you, but I can't keep putting myself through this and I need to look out for myself from here on out."
It might not work out in your favor, but at least, at the end of the day, you will be able to look in the mirror and say, "I gave it my all."
And I promise, if you two are able to work things out, cuddling up to him in bed everynight will be the most amazing thing in the world.
i have some horrific news, but I was once that girl. No it was in the days before sexting (if you can remember them) but this guy would call me all the time and come over to see me and ask me out regularly for 8 YEARS. And while I did kiss him a couple of times it never went beyond that because I said no, not because he didn't try. He continued to hound me throughout a 5 year relationship (where I remained faithful and 6 months before the wedding he decided he was gay. Well, you can't argue with that, but he was still a jerk for leading me on) Anyway, I was out at a weekend camping party and come to find out a friend of mine had recently married a friend of this guy and we are catching up and guess what they tell me? THAT JERK WAS MARRIED FOR THE ENTIRE 8 YEARS OF BUGGING ME!! I had no idea, or maybe I had an inkling in the back of my mind and that is what kept me from "sealing the deal" but I have not spoken to him since. I am now married and my husband (who during the first few months of dating realized this guy was after me) decided to pick up the phone one time when he called and zippo, no more calls, emails or anything. Often I have thought about calling his wife and spilling the beans since he most likely is doing this with more girls than just me, but then again she may just think I am some crazy woman so I decided to stay out of it. My point is once a jerk always a jerk, and you deserve better!