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Question about babies
This may or may not be a sensitive topic...not sure?
Are any of you uncomfortable holding babies? I am! I think I have held maybe a half dozen in my life. It is such a foreign thing to me. My issue is that some moms I have encountered just assume that I am jumping at the chance to hold their babies when quite the opposite is actually true for me. I hate to be rude and say, "No thanks!" so is there an "appropriate" way to decline holding a baby without looking rude? I totally get babies are a big deal to most people but I am a-okay not "taking my turn" holding one.
This was in no way fueled by any one person. I just got to thinking about it because I know quite a few people who are pregnant right now and I'm sure I'm going to meet their babies at some point.
Gah this makes me sound like a big baby hater doesn't it!? 
I'm not. I like them....from a distance. 
Re: Question about babies
:::Our Adoption Journey:::
Evan James was born 1/24/13 and matched with us 2/20/13. The LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!
I get nervous too. I love to hold them, but I always wait for the mother to ask. I never quite know how to grab them, but most moms will direct you in the way their LO wants to be held.
A polite way to say no . . . . hmmm . . . maybe just saying no thank you, or making light of the fact that you aren't comfortable holding such a small baby.
Nicole and Sam 10/3/09
My husband and I have been around and holding babies since we started dating (because his brother was having them) and that was when we were in our early teens so I am used to it. But my sister on the other hand looks like she is holding a crystal bowl and making sure she wont drop it hahaha!
One thing you could say is you are just getting over a cold and then they really wont want you near the baby hahaha.
Another way is you can say "i think he/she looks very happy to be with his/her mamma/dad/grandma etc."
Or if they are your close friends and close relatives you can talk to you I am sure they will understand if you say that you don't feel comfortable holding babies. My sister declines all the time now.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/05/things-that-can-make-you-feel-like.html
Things That Can Make You Feel Like an Idiot Almost Instantly
There are certain things that can bring even the most confident people to their knees with crushing self-doubt and insecurity. These are some of those things.Holding other people's babies
At some point in your life, you are going to have to hold a baby. When that time comes, you will discover that babies are terrifying and they hate you.
Maybe the baby belongs to your college roommate or your sister. You might even want to hold it at first. But as soon as the baby is in your arms, you will realize that holding it was a mistake. What if you break it? What if you drop it? Your hands suddenly feel like giant pieces of useless meat. Why won't its head stay up on its own? What is it doing with its face? Sensing your anxiety, the baby will begin screaming and then everyone will look at you like you are ruining the baby's life but no one will take it away from you. They just stand there and stare at you like you are the worst person in the world.
I would just say "no thank you" or "Thank you for the offer, but I would rather not".
I can not imagine a mom/dad or whomever getting upset because you do not want to hold their baby. That doesn't mean it won't happen. I think that most people just expect everyone to love babies and want to hold them. It is too bad more people don't understand that some people just do not want to hold them all the time.
LOVE Hyperbole and a Half!!
Anywho...I totally understand why someone would not want to hold a baby! Before I had Carly I felt like I had no idea how to hold a baby, and I would end up not doing it for very long because it made me so nervous! The way it was described in the blog was exactly how I would feel!
If I were you, first off, don't offer to hold the baby. If the mother or father asks if you want to hold the baby, just say no thanks and that you would rather admire him/her while they held their baby. You could even say you never feel comfortable holding a baby, so you'd rather not. I would not have been offended if someone said that to me, and I wouldn't want someone that felt uncomfortable to hold my baby especially if they really didn't want to! Other people might be different, but that's me.
My Bio
Married Bio
I don't mind holding babies, but rarely will I ask to. Please do not assume I want to hold your child, that's rude too.
Just say "No thanks". I don't think that's rude, and if that hurts their feelings, they're going to have it rough when that kid screams "I HATE YOU" at them.
I don't mind holding babies, when the mom/dad asks me if I want to hold their baby. I don't appreciate a baby being shoved at me, which is what happens with one of my friends.
Andy does not like holding babies. He usually makes a joke when asked if he wants to hold a baby ... something like "I'm known for baby dropping, so I don't know if you should trust me with your kid!"
Mr. Sammy Dog
A family friend thinks her baby is the most awesome baby to ever be born and that of course everyone should be falling all over themselves to get to hold him. It's annoying. She's quite obnoxious about it. Ugh. I know that most moms are not like this but I think the experiences with her have scarred me. She'll say to the baby, "Go to your auntie Jenny! Auntie Jenny loooooves you!" *shoves baby at me so I have no choice but to grab him or he falls on the floor* I told her once that made me uncomfortable and she looked at me like I had two heads. She doesn't like petting my dogs and I don't like holding her baby. It just doesn't compute for her though. I guess I just get annoyed in general with people who think the world revolves around Junior.
Babies can be a touchy subject with some people. It blows their mind that someone might not want a baby or even hold one. I was shopping with another friend who has SERIOUS baby fever and she was shocked when I said I felt zero emotions looking at a baby wheeling by in a stroller when she was almost crying looking at it because she wants one so bad. I am genuinely happy for people that are so excited about their own kids and DO think that the kids of people I know are adorable (including many MN Nestie babies!) I just don't have the urge to have one of my own at the moment.
It's an interesting (sometimes annoying around certain people) topic to me. The cultural expectations for having kids are unreal and the "consequences" or questioning of not having one can be uncomfortable.
Exactly.
I hate the questioning about when we're having kids. It's such an awkward thing to respond to, I don't know why people ever ask this question.
I mean, what are the possible answers that people really want to hear? They don't want to hear that you are not planning to have kids ever. They don't want to hear that you are trying to get pregnant and are having problems. They don't want to hear that you're unable to have children. They don't want to hear that you're not sure if kids are in your future. They don't want to hear that you can't afford to have kids right now. Those are all perfectly valid responses to the question, but not ones that the questioner probably expects to hear.
Basically, the only non-awkward response to that question is something like "Oh, you didn't hear the news? We're expecting in 6 months!" And of course, that's only not awkward if it's true.
Mr. Sammy Dog
Most people I know will ask if I want to hold the baby. I really hate the baby shoving in-the-face, which I think is the parent's way of saying "Hey, I need a break NOW!"
I feel the same way about people that expect me to like and enjoy their dogs. I do NOT like dogs. Can't stand them, in fact. My aunt, whom I love dearly, asked if she could bring her dog along to stay in my house if she came to visit me. Um, NO. I don't want any pets in my house. And I hate having to tell them no, for fear of insulting them, but I can't stand it when people bring pets along and expect a person to welcome an unfamiliar animal in their house.
Are you serious? There is someone on here that feels the same way I do? Glad to know I have some company!
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
Totally serious. I just am not a dog person. I'm really uncomfortable around them.
I used to be more uncomfortable around babies, but when one of my best friends and my brother started raising families, it was much easier to play and spend time with the lil' ones. Then I took some child development classes to prep for my masters and really got into the material... Now I teach lil' punkins to skate and I have a group of lil' peeps that come in to visit one of my classes at school, and it's much more fun for me to be around kids. Maybe it's just more exposure or something. But I don't have the baby rabies yet - I leave those to Big D.
This. Ialso try not to ask people if they want to hold Greta because I don't want them to feel obligated and just figure if they to want to they'll ask. I think this is a very normal response to babies. No worries.
Photo taken at 16 months old
You are SO not alone! I think for me this stems from the fact that I didn't do a lot of babysitting growing up and wasn't really around a lot of babies. So as much as I want to have my own children someday, I'd prefer to not hold someone else's baby because it just makes me uncomfortable.
But get me around someone else's dog and I am all about petting and kissing
I can totally respect that some people don't dig dogs - that is just rude of someone to assume their pet is always welcome. We try to be VERY sensitive about this, especially having 2 larger dogs. Our dogs don't go to many other houses but if they do they are either a house that already has dogs or it's my parents house and I grew up with dogs so of course they are okay with it.
We visited DH's aunt and uncle's house where it was made very clear (in a nice way) that no dogs are allowed and that was a-ok with us. It's like with having a kid, you have to find alternate arrangements sometimes if the animal/kid isn't welcome somewhere. There are definitely life adjustments that have to be made in both cases.
If someone gets insulted by your no animal policy that really stinks. It's YOUR home in the end so you have to do what makes you comfortable.
It's good to read this perspective every once in awhile because at first my brain thought, "What?? Someone doesn't like dogs?? How could they not??" But then I stopped and thought that it is probably the same response for some people who have kids. "What?? Someone doesn't like babies?? How could they not??" So there are definitely different strokes for different folks. I think it's a good thing that we're reminded once in awhile that everyone is different so we should try to be sensitive to those differences and not take them personally.
It is funny to hear a different perspective.
When Livie was little, I would ALWAYS ask people if they wanted to hold her. I am totally a baby person, and want to get my hands on every baby I see, but am not always comfortable asking a new mom to part with her LO, so I was just trying to be open/welcoming to people holding Liv
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
Definitely, lol.
Right now it seems like *everyone* has dogs in their siggy pic, and I always look at them and think that people are crazy. I can't wrap my mind around actually liking one of those things.
Probably in the same way that people look at my siggy pic and think I am crazy for thinking that Livie is just the cutest thing ever.
I do have to say though, your (general nestie pet owners) commitment to your pets is impressive. I have taken care of a puppy, and it is WAY more work than a newborn. You all that stick it out have my respect!
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
I totally think it depends on what you've been exposed too. I never grew up with dogs, and all I can remember growing up was my aunt and uncle's little yippy dog (which I absolutely HATED - that thing would bark and chase people in the house) and another aunt and uncle's sheepdog, who wasn't partial to children in the least. Then the next one was a jumper and a licker and would get super excited to see people. I never seemed to find a comfort zone with dogs.
Kitties are a different story. I grew up with cats (all outdoors), so I am comfortable with them.
I don't even mind holding crying babies. But I still won't change diapers if the parents are around.
Also, on the topic of dogs and babies- just wanted to add that we had so many people tell us that when we had our dd our dogs would get the shaft and not get as much attention or love as we gave them before dd was born. Totally not the case. It kind of made me mad when people said this too. Our dog probably gets even more attention now because we are home more than we were before our dd was born.
Photo taken at 16 months old
I wonder if they'll tell you the same thing if you have another baby!
That is very rude of people to just assume. The only place we assume we can bring Ringo (our dog, and our "son"....yes we are those crazy people) is to my in laws house because a) we drive all the way to illinois to see them b) they have a dog and c) they love our dog so much they call it their grandpuppy! Otherwise we leave him at home or put him in boarding if we are going out of town. I can't imagine just showing up with my dog unannounced! Or asking to bring him to someones house who doesn't have animals.
I would never even ask if I could bring my dog somewhere. I would leave it at home unless specifically told "Hey, bring the dog(s)!"
And just because I have dogs does mot mean that I want you to bring yours to my house.
Very glad to know there are others here!
I always feel terrible admitting that I am not that big on dogs. Luckily my husband is the same way as me - and probably likes them less then I do. Not that I don't like them, I just don't want a dog or cat for myself. I didn't grow up with them and sometimes dogs make me uncomfortable. Whew! I feel so much better now.
ETA I haven't had anyone ask to bring their pet to our house yet.
Boy/girl twins born at 37w1d and 37w2d
Same here! I've never asked anyone if they want to hold our girls. If they do, they'll ask. It's all good.
Before I had kids I was jumping at the chance to hold babies, I loved babies! Now, I never ask. I've done enough holding to last a lifetime in the last 2.5 years! But yes, if somebody asks me if I want to hold their baby, it's a little awkward. Luckily, most of the time there are other people around who'd rather do it!
I can't believe people would ask to bring a dog to a house where the owners don't have dogs. The only 2 houses I bring our dog to are my parents and my in-laws, because they invite him. They would be offended if we didn't bring him with us because they want to see him.
Then again, I also think it's sort of weird for parents to want to bring their kids to a house where no kids live. Wouldn't the kids be happier in their own home with a babysitter? At least they would have their books & games & toys to play with. We don't have things to entertain kids. Kids are probably really bored at our house! Not to mention that our house isn't kid-proof and probably isn't even safe for the little tikes.
Mr. Sammy Dog