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Would you move out of state . . . just because?
With the snow this past weekend, DH has decided that he cannot imagine staying in Minnesota. Every winter we have this discussion and I feel like he is asking me to choose between life with him or life near my family and friends. I know he doesn't mean it to be like that but that is how it feels to me.
Sooo - without getting into the nitty-gritty, my question is: Would you consider moving across the country - even if only for a few years - for no other reason than for a change of scenery? If you would - would it be permanent? If not - for how long?
Being that DH gave up friends and family and moved 4000 miles to be with me, I feel a bit silly refusing to move 1000 miles to be happy with him. But then I feel that he would be happy in a warmer climate while I would be miserable being so far from friends and family . . . .however, if it were just a few years, just to get it out of his system, then maybe I could do it. But then there is the issue of starting a family, putting down roots, building a home, growing a career . . . . moving away for a few years doesn't fit into that very well.
And for reference we are thinking West coast - anywhere from San Diego to Portland (yeah, I know - wide range). I should be happy that he isn't asking me to move back to England - but at least if we did that, I'd have friends around!
Re: Would you move out of state . . . just because?
We're both open to relocating. We'd probably move to CA to be near my dad, and because it is my second home.
Otherwise I loved NYC. Boston is another contender.
I'd recommend San Francisco, or neighboring cities btw.
Zuma Zoom
Andy wants to move to somewhere with milder winters. After living in southern California for for 5 years, he hates Minnesota winters. He knows that I have absolutely no interest in living in L.A. (I don't even really like visiting there!), so he's given up on trying to convince me to relocate there. I am just not a SoCal kind of girl.
I do not want to move. I don't love the length of winter here either ... I like it until about Jan. 15 and then I wish spring would come :-). But, I like too many things about living here to want to leave. Family and friends is part of it (an important part), but there are so many things I really enjoy in the Twin Cities that I don't want to give up.
I wouldn't rule out relocating 100%, but it would take a pretty perfect situation for me to agree to leave the Twin Cities.
Mr. Sammy Dog
I couldn't see myself moving out of state. My dad and mom both live about 2.5 hours from me and I hate it. When I moved down to Bethel for college, I was constantly going home every weekend to see my family. I have a brother that just had a baby and my sisters are really close in age so we are best friends.
I'm not always a huge fan of winter, if I could choose I would make fall and spring longer so all seasons were 4 months. But I wouldn't like to live somewhere that didn't have such dramatic seasons, I would really miss that.
One other thing to think about: If you went home to visit, you would be using your vacation time and money on going home, not traveling to other places. Might not be a big deal to some but I would rather travel all over, then always go back to MN.
I couldn't do it - short term or long term. I love Minnesota. I love winter (the snow the cold, all of it), and love having 4 actual seasons every year. The variety keeps me happy, and there are always new "activities" you can do with each change - which I'm finding more and more since I had Olivia. I can't imagine Christmas time without snow, it just doesn't seem right to me.
I think Minnesota is a great place to raise a family, so that's another reason I couldn't leave. Not to mention my entire extended family is here, pretty much right here in the cities, and DH's parents are here (the rest of his family is spread out - Mexico, Canada and CA).
I can see the appeal to do it, but personally I never could. Even more than my "likes" of Minnesota, we are both pretty shy and not outgoing, so we'd have a hard time adjusting to a new place and making it our home.
Under our circumstances I say maybe, but only if it's just for a year and there is a definite return time. (I can imagine how easy it is to say "We'll be back in 5 years" and then you get settled and it never happens.) And it would have to be to a place I LOVE. DH lived in Phoenix for 4 months and I absolutely hated it when I went to visit. I would choose frigid winters over Phoenix ANY day of the week.
In your case I think it would be awesome to live in England for awhile!!
Exactly - No one LOVES winter, but we deal with it. DH loves the summers here and Spring/Fall are pretty decent too - but he hates the cold and especially the trecherous driving in the snow. HOWEVER, he has a crappy car for snow and a long commute three days a week - if those things changed, he admits he'd be more comfortable with winter. But as it is, with his job, commute and the fact that if weather keeps people from their lessons, he may not get paid even if he risked his life to get there, he is miserable.
But like I said, he admits that if he had a better car or shorter commute, things wouldn't be quite so bad. He wouldn't love it, but he'd tolerate it better.
As for family - I am a 3 hour drive from my father and 5 hours from my sister - but those distances are both very drivable and relatively easy. When my mom was killed, I was able to drop everything and drive over that night to spend time at her bedside saying goodbye. I can't imagine how awful it would have been if I had had to wait for a flight and all that scheduling! Similar thing when my nephew died. I didn't rush to be with my sister because she said she didn't need/want me just then, but I was able to have my bags packed and all it would have taken was the "OK" from her and I would have been there to help her through things in just 5 hours.
Obviously DH doesn't have family ties here - and already we use our vacation time to visit his family in England - I can't imagine having to use additional time just to see my family! I love that we can just escape for a weekend and go to my father's house to see him and my sister's family - sometimes a weekend is all I can take!
Some of my closest friends live out of state/country, but I am able to see them and catch up when they return to MN. DH hasn't made a lot of friends since moving here, but his best friend from England moved here two years ago and now lives a few miles from us (which is great since I'm good friends with the wife and the four of us often do stuff together) and two of his other good friends from England often return for visits as their wives are from here. If we were to move away, he and I wouldn't get the chance to see these people.
Part of me feels my reasons are incredibly superficial - but seeing friends and family and having that support network nearby is incredibly important to me. I've needed them in the past and unfortunately I've been in situations where I needed to be close to family. And yet, I don't want them to become a crutch that keeps us from having a happier and healthier relationship.
Add into all this that we are not young kids in our 20s. I am 31 and DH is 33. We/I would like to start a family in a few years and it is important to me to raise our children knowning their extended family. Already DH's family is 4000 miles away - I'd like for my family, at least, to be close enough that they don't feel like strangers that we visit once a year.
I think your reasons are extremely valid.
Just buy him a new car?
Part of me wishes that were the case! Although where DH is from - specifcally SE England just outside of London (where we'd return to - probably) - everything is so ridiculously expensive - I joke that we'd be able to afford a closet to live in and not much else. Housing costs are easily twice what they are here - and even for that you get about half as much!
Thankfully, when I asked DH where he wanted to move, England was not near the top of his list - in fact he laughed and said "Oh god, no!"
I think your reasons are perfectly valid, too.
I'd try to get him a new car. I can completely sympathize, though. My Cavalier is absolute sh!t on slippery roads.
Ha! I've been suggesting that and while he admits it would help, it would not fix things.
He's a very active guy and loves biking and surfing. Two things that cannot be done in the winter (or for surfing, difficult to do any time of the year!). He's tried to get into snow-boarding but he just can't stand the cold. He's not used to it and claims that it isn't in his French/Mediterranean blood . . . which makes me laugh because his mother and family is from NORTHERN France - and it can get plenty chilly there! Plus, I've never been quite so cold as I was last Christmas in England - - it is nasty damp cold that seeps down into your bones!
I agree with Kiz. While a new car wouldn't FIX it, making it even a little more comfortable would be a big help. Also, get snow tires. Made a whole world of difference on my Protage.
To the new car, I'd add some really warm clothes. I too hate winter and the cold. I'm ALWAYS cold. I'm sitting here at my desk freezing. But I find if I wear warmer clothes, it helps a lot.
My gut reaction is no. Like a PP mentioned, I would rather go elsewhere on vacation then use it all to fly back and forth to see family here - which is what I would do because I would want to see them so often. I am really close with my immediate family and am totally spoiled my parents and sister are only an hour away, and my brother is here in the metro. I would miss them, my in-laws and my friends way too much.And being on the brink of starting our own family soon, I know my Mom would die if she couldn't be near her future grandchild.
If we had to for work, I would though. H and I can spend a lot of time together just the two of us and not need our own "me" time so being the only people we know in a new place doesn't scare me that much. I feel like it would be hard to make new friends at our age though.
yes - winter sucks and this past weekend was kind of a rude awakening. I hate the commute and driving in bad weather with the fire of a thousand suns, but it's just part of life and I accept it.
That being said, my H has never expressed interest in moving. So I guess I can't relate, since his family is within a long weekend road trip distance.
Boy/girl twins born at 37w1d and 37w2d
I wouldn't move just because, but I have moved for DH's job. To here. The only way I'd move again (and we agree), is to move CLOSER to my family. (Currently a 10-hour drive away in Michigan.)
Moving is hard. Moving where you don't know anyone is very hard. People think it would be all sunshine and roses and exploring and making new friends, but the truth is, it isn't that easy to make friends. Especially as you get older. Finding jobs isn't necessarily that easy. Being far away from all your family and friends (I moved an extra 5.5 hours from family, as well as left behind many friends when we moved from Ohio to MN) is very difficult. We've lived here almost four years, and I still feel like I don't have the full social circle I'd like to have. I spend a lot of my time/money visiting my friends and family who live elsewhere. Not being close to "my people," as I call them is really hard. And I don't have children, nor do I want any, and I still think it is hard.
I have to be honest. I totally would not be willing to move simply for weather away from my people, as a person for whom family and friend relationships are very important. I just wouldn't. It is too hard.
I must be one of those crazy Minnesotans ... because I was thrilled when it started snowing on Friday night.
But, like I said before, I would be totally fine with winter being done in mid-January instead of mid-April. Snow early in the season seems magical to me, it puts me in a great mood, looking forward to holidays and time with family coming up soon. Snow in January, February and March is just a PITA.
Mr. Sammy Dog
I haven't read all of the posts but I mostly agree with this. My family is already 10 hours away (no easy way to fly) and so I couldn't imagine being away from one of our famillies completely. I would maybe do CO, but I have aunts and cousins in Fort Collins and CO Springs. Other than that MN or MT is it and DH would never do MT!
Nicole and Sam 10/3/09
I couldn't have said it better! I only live 2 hours away from my family, and I had a very difficult time adjusting. It is better now, but it took about 2 and half years for me to feel that way!
Meeting people is hard, and a lot of people "our" age already have friends that they spend time with. It didn't help that there weren't many people I connected with at my job, and I think that was a big part of it. I left a workplace that I really liked and where I had a lot of friends to no one! I was very lonely for the first year I lived away, and it majorly sucked!
My Bio
Married Bio
I agree and would add to take a vacation somewhere warm. I cannot even describe how much I hate winter and vacations are the only way I get through. We start planning in November for a January/February trip and it somewhat takes my mind off my misery. I'm not sure if we'll be able this winter and I'm already depressed.
As for your original question, I'd move out of state in a heartbeat if I didn't have to retake the bar exam. (That and the dentist are the two things I hate more than winter). DH and I talk about it whenever we travel.
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
i don't think that i would. my family and friends are too important to me here and of course, there is my son to think of. if you took him out of the equation, i'd consider a move to colorado (where i have lived before) because you still have 4 seasons, the winters are more mild and there is a TON to do year round. i LOVE to hike, bike and camp so it's a great place for me. plus i'd love to get back into climbing.
i also agree with PPs though that you have to think about trying to get jobs and for chris, building up a reputation and client base all over again. in his line of work, that just sounds time consuming.
i definitely would try to get him a better car to make that part more tolerable and then trying to find work closer would be the next piece i'd tackle. if i had that commute he has, id be crabby pants too. gross. there has to be opportunities closer.
on a side note, we really need to try to get him introduced to some of my friends so he can expand his circle of fellow musicians a bit. it never hurts to meet new peeps because you never know what kind of project/session work might come up!
I absolutely would and...AM. My partner and I are in the process right now of moving to Chicago. Why Chicago? Just because. We just felt like it was time for a change of scenery, so we decided on Chicago and focused our efforts there. He got a job and moved with our stuff on November 1st. I'm moving down there December 4th after I finish some job stuff.
My family is in ND, his family is all here. And while, yes, it will be hard not to have family close by - it also makes for a great excuse for both of our families to travel to Chicago, making the time we spend with them more fun and less "home time" if that makes sense.
It totally depends on your style. Our style is to try new things and move around as much as we see fit - just for the heck of it or for a job, etc. But a lot of people would rather settle in one place. You have to decide which you'd like to be. GL!
Well I would, but that's probably because I don't have any ties here really. All of my family lives in FL and New York. I've lived in about 5 different cities and I wouldn't mind moving again. I think the first time is difficult, but after that it gets easier.
Judging