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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sick of teenage daughter not helping!
Doesn't lift a finger to help out, unless she is told to. And then sighs just about every time I ask her to do something.
Well, I got news for her.... she will be doing a hell of alot more for a long time starting the 21st. I have to have shoulder surgery and will be in a sling for 6 weeks, and won't have full use of arm for up to 4-6 months.
Get ready sweet dear daughter... you will even be helping me get dressed!
Re: Sick of teenage daughter not helping!
Seriously! Are you frustrated with her because she is a step-daughter? At least she does things when you tell her to. And sighing? Really?! You are snarky because she sighs?
She sounds like a good kid to me.
mommy dearest much?
she is a kid being a kid....we encourage them to be kids in our home and not personal wait staff
How about you make her chores contingent upon an allowance?
That should do the trick: keep your room neat, pick up after yourself, maintain decent grades, don't mouth off, and do the dishes and dust and keep the living room neat.
I'm not surprised she doesn't do stuff if not told...
if there wasn't a carrot/stick setup to doing chores, I'd never do them.
I mean, it's not like anyone WANTS to do them.
So you make there be nice rewards for doing stuff and natural consequences for not doing them...
I know, easier said than done but really, it sholdn't be shocking she doesn't think chores are fun. None of us do.
I always thought teens sighed over everything but music and friends.
SD is 12 and for the most part pretty good about cleaning up after herself. The only things we ask of her is that she make her bed and put her dirty dishes in the sink. She offers to help with stuff once in a while, and will set or clear the dinner table occasionally on her own free will.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
i'd be nice...if she's dressing you, she'll be picking out your clothes.
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If you want a maid ? hire one. She sounds normal and you sound like the wicked step mother. If you are feeling overloaded because you?re in pain ? simply say ?I?m hurting and I need your help? instead of martyring yourself and getting ticked when she doesn?t read your mind about what you want.
I don't think I'd want to help you either if I was your daughter, I hope to her face you make her feel a little more appreciated and loved.
Can't your husband help you get dressed?
Teenagers are normally not in love with doing chores, she sounds incredibly normal.
She's acting like a teenager should. She's testing her boundaries and trying to assert her independence. It's developmentally normal and appropriate, albeit trying, behavior.
As the adult in this situation, bear in mind that she is not doing this TO you. Refuse to take her eye-rolling and sighing personally. Do not engage in battles with her, or a power struggle mentality of "I'm going to make that little brat mind her manners!" You will lose. You will also frustrate yourself unnecessarily.
Tell her calmly and clearly, "Daughter, these chores are your responsibility. They need to be done by X deadline." If she complains, tell her "Honey, everyone who lives in this house has responsibilities for making it run smoothly." And if she doesn't follow through, let her behavior have consequences, applied calmly and non-sarcastically: "I know you want to go to the movies with your friends, but in our house, going out with friends is something that happens when chores are done." If she pitches a fit -- and she probably will -- don't engage it. Walk away. If she doesn't get a reaction or a fight from you, it's a whole lot less entertaining for her.
Ding ding ding....I think we have a winner.
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This.
Where did I say she was a step daughter?
Now that made me LMAO.... thank you for the laugh!
Thank you so much!!!
May I ask how you are doing since your surgery?
Ok - where did I say step.
And my point is.... I don't want or need a maid. I am sick and tired of constantly picking up after her, telling her to put stuff away, something as simple as taking a piece of gum and leaving the wrapper on the counter - instead of throwing it away. Dishes all over her room, has a hamper, but throws her clothes all over her floor.
So..... I am sick of telling my daughter to put stuff away - where it belongs - and her "sighing" because of it.
So if that makes me mommy dearest - then I have to laugh at that comment.
My teenage daughter is the laziest person I have ever met. And everyone says the same thing about her. I get very frustrated, and I have tried everything to get her to change this behavior.
Someone also asked me if my husband will be able to help me. Unfortunately, not during the week, we work different work shifts. I have already told my daughter I will need her help, and apologized for this already. I told her, it won't make me comfortable and I know she won't be either.
As the mother of a pre-teenage girl, a lot of these posts from people who have no experience with older kids (I'm sorry, a 5 year-old presents much different challenges than a teenager...um HELLO?!) got under my skin. When their adorable little munchkins grow up, we'll see if they think their kids should display a sense of personal responsibility and helpful compassion once in a great while...and see how it feels when they don't. The words "If you want a maid, hire one!" and "Mommy dearest, much?" will ring loud and unforgiving in their heads, so just laugh those comments off.
You're not wrong for expecting your child/stepchild to be respectful and asking them to lift a finger once in a while to do their part doesn't get in the way of letting them be kids. My daughter, who is a wonderful, charismatic, kindhearted girl, does the exact same thing. It's a phase that won't end anytime soon but I will never let up on expecting different from her. That's my job as her mother. It is common for teens to act self-centered, but don't laugh it off and say she's "just a typical teenager", as many here have done. That would be a disservice to her. She relies on you to remind her that she has a part and what that part is. Nothing in life is free. You get what you give.
My daughter earns an allowance but if she slacks off or does poorly in school/acts disrespectful on a repeated basis, she gets nothing for that week, even if it's the last day of the week. If she just has an off day, I let that slide once in a while. Nobody's perfect.
To all the nay-sayers, call me mommy dearest and I'll produce a well-rounded, respectful, self-sufficient child who will be your child's boss someday.
And I didn?t say that you said she was a step child. I said you were acting like a wicked step mother (go back and re read your original post). You said she doesn?t lift a finger unless asked and then she sighs when she does (typical teenager behavior.. I don't know a teenager one that does any kind of chores without being asked). You didn?t say she leaves dirty dishes all over the place and that her room looks like the hamper threw up. Those are also typical behaviors.. although yes, it sucks. Who cares if she sighs though. Didn?t you as a teenager? If it?s the worst thing she does ? it?s not so bad. Instead of letting the frustration get the best of you - give her room to grow into her own ? and pointers of how to be more organized and less messy. And, good luck with your surgery.
I am doing well.....I was surprised that I've had no pain- aches yes, but pain, no! Be sure to take the pain meds they prescribe for the first few days and ice your shoulder....I iced it constantly for 3 days.
The worst is not being able to dress myself & having to depend on others for everything.
My PT starts 12/17 which is 4 weeks after surgery . I cant wait!!! I wanna get started on moving my arm!!!
how wonderful of you to call me out..as the mother of a 25 year old son and a 16 year old daughter I will see your pre-teenage daughter and raise you
one son who is currently getting his MFA and one teenage daughter who is on the high honor role at school and takes post secondary college courses..
our kids were and are expected at all times to be respectful and courteous, what they did not expect was for me to say how sick of them I was and how I expected them to take care of my personal needs...they are kids and thusly kids don't necessarily need to take on adult responsibility in order to learn things such as caring, compassion,and responsibility. These are things that they can actually learn from us and their surroundings. My kids got to be kids, I didn't have them to take care of me or spend their time on chores..I had them to enrich my life and to become beautiful, well adjusted adults.
So, I am sorry to report that there is nothing ringing in my head and actually your kid being my kids boss isn't something I will lose sleep over.