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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: need advice - rents never gave us promised wedding gift
From the sounds of your original post, it sounds like your parents paid for half of the wedding while you paid for the other half? If that's correct, isn't that a good enough gift? My family more than likely won't be paying for any of my wedding because they are in a constant state of financial hardship and I don't expect anything from anyone but their smiling faces at my wedding and their best wishes for my future with my new husband.
I get that it hurts a little and you may be offended, but it's probably not worth calling them out and making them feel bad about either forgetting or being in a financial hardship. If they support you and your husband and your choice to spend your lives together, that should be enough.
Geez, I had no idea what a sad state of affairs I was in - Not only did my mother not contribute to my weddding, but I PAID for her to come to our destination wedding. We received no card or gift. I guess having her there having a fantastic time (and being so excited that people just kept bringing her champagne) should not have been enough. Sad state of affairs indeed.
Oh and OP - this is SO about the extra money you expected from your parents AFTER the paid for part of the wedding. I am just speechless.
I sincerely pity anyone who needs a $3 card after their parents paid about $5,000 for their wedding. You got MORE than a $3 card sweetheart, you got part of your wedding paid for!
I was with you on the it's annoying when someone says they will do/give something and then don't, but then you got your feelers hurt and came back all "You don't know me" and now you just sound like a spoiled brat. You don't ever ask for a gift, even if it is promised.
I was going to state a simple "no" but you angered me.
I wouldnt worry about the monetary gift even though you were counting on it for your honeymoon... the money towards the day was enough. Although its frustrating they promised you a gift I wouldnt ask for it.
Regarding the card, I understand where you're coming from... its nice to keep a collection of cards from your wedding and it would be strange there wasnt one amongst them from your own parents. Again, I wouldnt ask for it and just try to let it go.
I think people are being pretty harsh and rude to you... but they tend to do that on this site. They all like to pretend how balanced and mature they are, and can handle every situation perfectly, but I can bet there are plenty of nut jobs amongst them.
Honey, you need to reread your own damned original post. It IS about the money!
Here's a little quote from your OP in case you can't scroll up:
We leave for our honeymoon in 2 weeks, and even though it is paid for, we had anticipated having a little extra spending money from this gift for the honeymoon and it looks like that's not going to happen.
And P.S. You ARE a douchebag.
I think the reason people are being mean about this is because you aren't putting yourself in someone else's shoes and you are honestly coming off a little selfish. Think about it from your parent's view.
They probably spent a lot of money and busted their butts helping you get ready for the wedding. I doubt they even had time to get a card. Would you rather they took the time to go get a card or help you get the wedding set up? Also, remember they were helping host this big celebration. Would you expect that the host of a celebration would drop all that they are doing to go get a gift for someone? Would you rather have the centerpieces set up or a card (for example)?
About the money thing, my guess is that they said what they did because they intended to give you money, but now are not able to do so. I'm guessing that they are in more financial trouble than they let on. Think about how embarrassing and humbling that could be for them. They are your parents. Have a little compassion.
Let it go; do not confront them about it. I know my parents would be hurt if I did something like that to them.
I would like to know if you had a wedding shower and received a gift from them for that. Sometimes people forget about that part.
I was in my best friend's wedding threw her a bridal shower and her bachelorette party. I gave her a gift on each of those days, but at her actual wedding I did not. I had reached my financial limit. She never expected what I did do for her, and was thankful for what I could do.
$5000 they gave her for the wedding. Maybe they are waiting for that...
Maybe say "Mum and Dad, would you mind giving us a card so we can keep it with all the other cards we received on the day? We'd like to keep them all so we can show our children one day."
Typically, the hosts of a large party don't provide a card for the guests of honor. That's really kind of overkill. They paid a lot of money to give you a wonderful party; so much money, in fact, that they put themselves in a financial bind. I would be mortified if anyone put themselves in a bind to give me a party. I would think that that money, plus their evident affection and well wishes, would be more than enough for you. Time was, it was enough.
I'm disappointed in you that you would be so grasping and ungrateful that you would think your parents owe you anything at all after what they've done for you; or that you would get to dictate when they would give it to you. You may want to reflect on the etiquette rule that allows people up to a year after the wedding to give you a gift; so really, if your parents are planning on getting you something else,they DO have a year after the wedding to get it to you.
And so now you say you don't want money from them,(though you are careful to tell us that you don't have enough for your honeymoon), you just want a card from them. Well, that's a silly request, but if you want a card from them, ask them for one. They'll think you're weird, and kind of pushy; but I bet they get you a card, even though they don't owe it to you.
Did your mother throw you a shower? Did she get you shower gifts? How much, exactly, did they pay for your wedding? Did they buy your dress? Have you written either of your parents one single note of thanks yet, that did not include a dunning notice for how much more you expect from them? Tell us how you worded that thank you note. I'm dying to hear.
Oh, you are a gem.
Oh, and if you think you are owed money by someone who refuses to pay you? Sue them. Don't let these bastards get away with stiffing you like this; you deserve this money, they promised it, they owe it; go get a judgment and start garnishing their checks. Please. And if there are other wedding guests who came and ate that food you helped pay for but they didn't send a gift, or a nice enough gift, get those invoices out and start some collection calls. It is not a real wedding till you've succeeded in extracting the correct amount of tribute from all your friends and family you coerced into coming.
So your parents paid over half of the wedding.........
Quite honestly I'd count what they paid towards your wedding as your gift and not expect, ask, or mope about not getting anything else.
They mentioned not getting you cash due to need to 'recover financially'. Does this not ring any warning bells to you? And you are moping about not getting money in time for your trip?
Let it go, be glad your parents were alive and physically able to attend (and pay for!) your wedding.
So your parents paid over half of the wedding.........
Quite honestly I'd count what they paid towards your wedding as your gift and not expect, ask, or mope about not getting anything else.
They mentioned not getting you cash due to need to 'recover financially'. Does this not ring any warning bells to you? And you are moping about not getting money in time for your trip?
Let it go, be glad your parents were alive and physically able to attend (and pay for!) your wedding. If they end up gifting you before your trip then that's just an nice little suprise extra.
Oh. My. Gosh. Seriously? Seriously?
My parents helped pay for my (less then $10,000) wedding and that was their gift to H & me. And we are grateful. We wrote them a thank you card and thanked them profusely in person as well!
So get over it and get on with your life. There are more important things.
Oh. And so you're clear on how it works, since you're married? you and dh support yourselves. Pay for all your own food, clothing, utilities, vehicles, insurance, trips, vacations, schooling, gasoline, all that stuff, you get to pay for now. Not your parents.
[tell me you don't still live with your parents? or his?]
This woman has refused to answer our simplest questions about how much her parents paid for her wedding or whether she has even sent them a thank-you card. Something tells me that she's not opposed to her parents providing much more for her, and I wouldn't be surprised if they are not living independently.
OP, did you and your H pay for your honeymoon? You said that it's paid for, but you didn't say by whom.
I'm shocked OP hasn't DD yet.
However, rack this up for another vote of NO...it's never proper to ask for a gift. Even if "said" gift was already implied. Just be happy your parents put anything toward your wedding, there are several ladies out there who have to do it all on their own.
I don't even know where to begin on this one.
1) When I was 17 and graduated highschool, I was mature enough to understand that my graduation party was my gift from my parents, as well as them helping me w/ college. Which in total probably didn't amount to $5K.
2) If you want a card and that really is all you want (doubtful) then ask for a fvcking card, and explain why (or make something up since you probably don't have a reason) I mean, I know I'd want one to remember the occasion, but I would have asked for one PRIOR to months after the fact, seeing as how I'd actually want the card.
3) You have a good relationship with your parents. That's good enough. I would gladly trade them paying for my wedding in any way + a card + a gift + many other things just to have a better relationship with my dad.
Grow up. Guarantee I'm much younger than you, and I think you're effing ridiculous.