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Ugghhhh...DenimLorne!
I know this will get lost in the slow weekend vortex, but I need to get it out.
Story one:
I will start with a story that happened over the holidays. I managed to avoid DenimLorne for the entire Christmas season, as my mom came to visit us before Christmas while he was working. And then my mom was working on Christmas so we were with my dad's side of the family then. Unfortunately my little sister Steph was not so lucky. She is a student, so she had extra days off, and went to my hometown to spend some holiday time with mom.
While Steph was there there, some kind of crap went down with my mom being pissed at my dad for not telling her he moved into a different apartment in town, and Steph got put into the middle of it. The next day, Steph is laying on the couch, watching a movie, when DL walks over, kisses her on the head, and snuggles onto the couch beside her. GAH, I am livid just writing that. DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER. But anyway...
He then proceeds to try to have this big talk with her where he's like "I know you just want your parents to be together" (to which she replied "Uh...no actually, I don't. They don't like each other and were miserable together.." but he kept insisting.) and talks to her like she's 5 years old about all of this nonsensical stuff while she sits there looking incredulous. And THEN, he STARTS CRYING and goes into this big thing like "I love you, I really LOVE you!" at which point, I'm pretty sure Steph just played dead, because really, what the hell else can you do? She got out the situation as quickly as possible with maximum awkwardness.
Re: Ugghhhh...DenimLorne!
Story 2:
I've been kind of boiling already for the last week or so over that holiday stuff. And then this morning, I get a text from my mom saying "Hi there. Lorne bought a German Yorkshire Terrier puppy. He is four months old. We aren't bringing him home til after we get back from the Dominican."
I find this kind of weird, because I just had a conversation with Steph about how mom was complaining about how Lorne never takes care of the animals they have (you will recall the 3 cats, bird and hoarding tendencies that have made the house disgusting) and that Lorne has been wanting a puppy but they don't have time for it so she said he can't get one until he retires.
I don't want to get into their biz so I just text back "sounds cute, what's it's name?" And then I get this weird message back saying "What's your e-mail? I'll send you a picture." Uhh, mom my knows my e-mail address, why would she ask me for it? But I send it to her anyway, and immediately after, get an e-mail from Lorne's e-mail address with a picture of the dog. So this confirms my long time suspicion that Lorne goes on my mom's FB and phone and sends us messages pretending they're from her. Am I overreacting or is that really weird and creepy and totally crossing boundaries? So I'm weirded out and just don't reply.
Icing on the cake, a few minutes ago, this is the message I got.
"Did you get the picture? We think we will name him Kaessi (Casey)"
I sh*t you not.
I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the "laying with your sister" story. Uh, WTF. That's GROSS.
I don't think I like this new Pervy DenimLorne.
I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
WAIT: Is Denim Lorne your mother's husband?
BECAUSE: I thought he was the denim clad husband of someone on this board
EVIDENCE: that I do not pay attention, i suppose.
a man named denimlorne seems like the PERFECT owner for a yorkie.
it couldn't be a better match breedwise. except maaaaaybe a cockatiel.
He is my mom's boyfriend Edith. I don't even know where to begin... but to tell you that our first encounter with him was him showing up randomly at our family Easter weekend with my mom (in a full denim outfit), where we discovered that he was her boyfriend and was moving in with her after knowing one another for three weeks. That weekend was full of him telling me I'd better have kids soon and talking about me breastfeeding, accosting my little sister with similar "I know this is hard for you and you want your parents to be together, talk to me about it!" conversations, and much more.
You may be confusing DenimLorne with HunkyLorne aka: Doctor Pants, who is Noisy's husband, and nothing like the denim covered weirdo who shares his name.
:::::presses index finger to KayRI's lips:::::
shhhh..we don't use that word anymore.
::::::pops collar, rollerskates over to dj booth::::::
Seriously, at this point, I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I'd totally tell my mother that DL is a creep, who's acting inappropriately with you and your sister. The episode on the couch, the impersonating her via texts and FB, the "I'm so sensitive, I can understand your pain" act...it all just screams of a guy who's trying to gain a level of intimacy with someone who's emotions he's trying to manipulate.
Your mother may not know this side of him, and if she's at all able to make a rational decision on this matter, she'll run like hades from him when she hears these stories. Maybe living with him and starting to be frustrated with his animal menagerie will have made her more receptive to news of the real Lorne.
2013 Calendars and More!
I'm thissing the Cap'n and all her Serious. You are all adults. I'd simply refuse to be around him. Tell your mother he is inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable and that you will only see her alone.
SHUT DENIMLORNE DOWN.
Squickorama.
::slaps Edie with slap bracelet::
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
Caroline 5/15/11
Thanks guys. Sometimes when I'm flipping out about this stuff I wonder if I'm just being a drama queen, so it's nice to have some reinforcement.
However, I will say that I don't think that he is an evil person, and I don't think he's using my mom to get to us. Based on what I know about him that I haven't said here-- he is a recovered alcoholic with a lot of regrets, that he was and is close with his kids who are the same age as us, but has a lot of insecurities about how his family feels about him because when he and his wife split, she didn't let him see the kids for a long time and obviously as a result they are a lot closer with her and are more just "friends" with him. And I think he's constantly trying to prove what a good person and a good dad and a reformed human being he is, and in doing that he loses all self awareness and gets completely obnoxious and pushy and oversteps his boundaries and says and does stupid sh*t.
Don't get me wrong, I still want to punch him in the face, but I don't think he's dangerous to my mom or us. I think he's just so wrapped up in proving that he's a good guy and cares and deserves our approval, and that he's so scared of screwing up with this family, that's he absolutely going way overboard and having the opposite effect. I'm thinking that at some point soon I'm going to have to have a conversation with him where I say "Dude, listen. We don't hate you, we don't want you out and our parents back together, but we're not going to give you whatever kind of parent-kid relationship you're looking to create here to fill the void/guilt your past mistakes caused. We can be friends, but first you have to back the hell off and stop trying so damn hard."
Ugh, I can't believe I'm defending him. But I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was true.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
I'm with Christin, I always picture him with a molestache.
And even though it's kind of creepy, I think you may be right. It seems like maybe he's just trying too hard to get in the circle of trust, but doesn't quite know what he's doing so he's coming on too strong and crossing all kinds of boundaries in the process. He's kind of like one of those puppies who just wants to be loved, but keeps jumping on you and getting in your face, and just won't leave you alone, so instead of finding him endearing you just want to drop kick him across the room.
I really want to see a Mountie take down of DL.
But seriously, the whole situation with your sister makes me want to vomit. Kissing her on the head???? It just freaks me out. I am on the train of telling your mom about how uncomfortable he makes you. How old is your sister?
And the fact that he impersonates your mom is weird. Does she know he has access to her FB/email/phone etc?
HAHAHAHA . Oh Noisy, nothing gives me the odd combination of laughter and heebs quite like that picture does.
SERIOUSLY, MAN.
My sister is 21. I get why people would jump to the "He's manipulative and pervy" assumptions, because that's how I feel when I'm telling the stories too. I just feel pangs of guilt in my feeling place because I'm fairly confident that he's just a lame, weird person, not a bad person.
J&J, the worst part is that my mom is almost always around for this boundary crossing behavior, and seems to think nothing of it. I'm pretty positive she knows that he does this stuff with her FB and phone and doesn't care. If anything she reinforces and emulates his behavior and says and does things that she didn't before. One small example, we are not mushy and pet-namey in my family, and she is more and more "Sweet ones! Oh honies! Wuv you!" all the time, and it weirds me the eff out because we were never like that before, and now we are all adults, so probably an odd time to start.
I don't think I can just have a conversation with my mom about it. She will immediately throw a crying fit of "You just don't want me to be happy, I can do what I want why do you hate him and me my life is hard you're so mean!!!!" And then what she will relay to DL will be not at all what I was saying. I'll have to talk to both of them or just him.
I am going against the grain and saying that if your mom has been privy to his odd and creepy behavior, then it is best to not say anything to her. Because what would be the end result you would hope for? It would just cause waves with your relationship with her, which from what you are saying you already know. But it does suck to be in your positions. Well, more your sisters.
However, I appreciate all the DenimLorne stories, so for my own selfish reasons I want your mom to stay with him.
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
From your past stories, I doubt a talk with your mom or DenimLorne will do any good. Your mom will act like a wounded drama queen teenager instead of listening to a damn thing you have to say. And DL seems to be oblivious to his grossness and boundary crossing despite any attempts to bring them to his attention. So while a good ol' adult conversation would be best, the problem is that your mom is not an adult right now.
Honestly, if it were me, I'd be doing everything I could to avoid contact with both my mom and her creepy boyfriend. I'd block them on FB entirely, let any phone call go to voicemail, and ignore emails. But that's me -- I know I can write off family members faster than most. I do think you should avoid your mom as much as possible. Who wants to correspond with someone who might be DL in disguise? That's just a breach of trust.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
re: Steph- Helll if I know, Fallin. I asked her the same thing. She said she felt like a deer in headlights.
As far as asking why he was impersonating my mom, I didn't and just ignored any further messages. I wasn't about to get sucked into a weird text fight with my mom's boyfriend. I'm trying to decide if it's worth confronting them about, or if I should just stop any contact that's not speaking directly with my mom on the phone.
Cali and Angie, all that you spoke there is the truth-- which is most of the reason why I haven't said anything so far. But I'm getting to the point where saying something would be more for me just getting it out, and not really having a lot of expectations for much change from them. It might not be worth it though.
I don't feel like I can cut off the relationship with my mom, but it has definitely gotten more distant, and I think I'd like to keep it that way.
In the meantime, you guys just enjoy the stories and I'll get some intrinsic value from others laughing at the ridiculous things that happen in my life.
I dunno, Jens. I think Wendy's got it sorta wrong, but sorta right too. At least he's setting off my heeebie-jeebs meter. Wanting to be loved or not he's got huge boundary problems. In fact, because it's wanting to be loved AND he's disrespecting you at the same time by being dishonest/forcing the situation might be where I'm seeing the red flags. Icky things tend to happen when people demand intimacy from the unwilling, manipulative at the least. Also, the thing with impersonating your mom? Ewwwww! Aaaaaah!! Gaaaaah!!!
I agree that if she's (gag) okay with all of this, there's no point in talking to them. Sad as it is, and maybe it's not so sad, distance is best. Only talk to her when you can hear her voice, only see her when you can't avoid it. Advise your sister the same. Maybe plan your trips together so you can be a united front.
If she asks about it, I would let her know in the least confrontational way. Like, if she brings up not text messaging with her, tell her "I just want to be sure I know it's you I'm talking to." Have a clear, minimally judgmental reason, so you are sending the message that the problem is the situation, not her. And by situation, I mean DenimLorne. Whether or not she's receptive is her problem, but if she decides to end the relationship, she'll know you guys aren't totally alienated.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
tHIS IS THE CONVERSATION I'd have with them:
Mom, DL you know how TV shows and stuff portray old people as technologically challenged? Well, you guys are case in point. There are unwritten rules for using Facebook and E-mail that i think I'd be remiss if i didn't tell you about. You do NOT use someone else's FB account to send messages UNLESS you sign your own name at the bottom. I don't want you to appear "behind the times" when you communicate with people via these channels so I thought you should know. Personally I find it uncomfortable not knowing exactly who i'm talking to and others will, too.
Also, because you guys live together and my mom probably talks about us a fair amount i think DL "knows" us more than we know him. From what we know of DL he make syou happy, Mom, and that makes us happy. However, for us the relationship with DL has to develop a little slower. We're not ready to have a huggy emotional relationship with him.