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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: validate or chastise me
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
Validated.
Sorry Fenton, he sucks.
I'm pretty sure we could handle about 723x as much clutter. And not just because the board is slow! Because we want to know all of your business. Or we care about you or something.
It's time to kick him to the curb. Things you worry about now while you're entangled in the thick of it aren't going to matter in a few months. Right now you want him to be the one who says it's over so that he can't claim later that he was a victim because you left him. But eventually, what he thinks or says or does won't mean a thing. I just think the sooner you end this purgatory stage, the better off you'll be. And then I can start tagging him in photos on FB of donkeys and douche bags and lobotomies and such.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
you know what makes this situation so...maddening?
(ok, sit tight for some deep insight that I am sure NOBODY has come up with yet...lol)
it makes no sense, and it isn't even a situation where closure can occur. there's no other woman (presumably), there seem not to be any major conflicts to resolve or get past, he's not giving you any answers at ALL, he doesn't have a good reason for acting the way he is.
I don't even know what I would consider closure in this situation? filing paperwork will put a legal end to the union, but it doesn't give anybody any answers...
I am really sorry to see someone I like giong through this kind of thing. Its one where you'll have to like...look inside yourself and put things behind you without answers or help...and things like that are just too fvcking hard, you know?
twan=twat.
ok, also, I know it feels like you're going to be abandoning an entire lifetime- you're really not, I promise.
lots of people start later in life and end up with everything. you can elope- do it all differently- new memories, new ideas and new paths to cross. you're probably going to be happier, because you'll have new ideas about what'll make you happiest, and you'll have a renewed sense of what matters.
you're REALLY pretty, you're hilarious, and you're smart- these are things that boys liiiiike.
you're a catch.
I predcict you'll enjoy singlehood at some point and start feeling really excited about your many many options.
He wanted to focus on a MARATHON? Look, my entire group of friends is a bunch of racing/marathon/ironman/ultra freaks - and I find this to be complete and utter bullshitt.
I'm really sorry, Fenton. But validated. And you deserve better than this. And tell him every one of my girlfriends would kick his *** ass.
What everyone else said. He is such a dillhole.
The hair grows in thick where the horn used to be.
When someone decides not to be with you or the person you thought they were, I don't think there ever is real closure. They arbitrarily decide to do what they want to do and they close themselves off. It's like dealing with a stranger. He has a plan, in his mind- like you said. He's done but doesn't want to do it.
No need to text or call for his birthday.
i'm only going to chastise you for even thinking about throwing him a Happy Birthday message that doesn't containg the words "dicksmack", "flaccid", "no good", and "drink bleach"
Taking back your own destiny has GOT to help with some of the feelings of closure. Seriously, he put you after a race that happens every year. Enough. pak his *** and or your *** and get the formal process of ending it started.
Validated. Of course, I also returned a bunch of B's Christmas presents the day our drama started, so I'm glad that everyone else is validating you too since I may be a little bit biased.
I guess I somehow missed a bunch of your story. I didn't know you were planning to get together with him at Christmas time. Did he say he wanted to try to work things out? I'm sorry for what you're going through Fent. I know how frustrating it is to not have answers and how terrible it is feeling like everything is up in the air when all you want to do is move forward...in one direction or the other.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I'm sorry he sucks, Fenton.
I will repeat the advice I gave Wendy just over a year ago: I know it sucks balls right now, but in the scheme of things, it is really a very short time in the span of your life. So while it will be rough to get through, it won't define you or your life.
I agree with Fallin. I don't think he truly considers the race to be more important than your marriage. He just considers putting off a difficult conversation to be more attractive than actually manning up and facing the issues that arose as a result of his actions or inactions.
I hate to be all 'drop him like a hot potato' because he's your husband and all and vows and all and whatever, but at this point, he's going to have to work awfully hard to prove himself to you again. And the longer he takes, the less I would believe that he's capable of the work it would take.
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
Well, I like the idea of texting him "Happy birthday! Drink bleach!"
I'm sorry. I agree with everyone who says he's just dragging this out. It's probably a combination of fear of being alone, guilt he should feel, and frankly, the ego boost of knowing someone loves you enough that they'd consider hanging on like this. I'm floored that he either doesn't see what he's doing, or can't give your feelings some priority. I'm so, so sorry."The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
You said you would also be "divorced", but really, if this is what being "married" is, why would you want to keep it? I totally get mourning the dreams lost (I wanted more kids and first I tried to convince myself I didn't when I knew that things were bad with Jarrod and it does still make me sad to realize that may never be an option, but I never really HAD the marriage I wanted and was mourning in the first place).
You said you would also be "divorced", but really, if this is what being "married" is, why would you want to keep it? I totally get mourning the dreams lost (I wanted more kids and first I tried to convince myself I didn't when I knew that things were bad with Jarrod and it does still make me sad to realize that may never be an option, but I never really HAD the marriage I wanted and was mourning in the first place).
it does still make me sad to realize that may never be an option, but I never really HAD the marriage I wanted and was mourning in the first place).
I think Wendy hit the nail on the head here. In a lot of cases, what you're grieving is the loss of whatever dreams you had. I was actually surprised when I felt grief for those dreams when I knew that I 100% wanted out, no turning back. It still hurt for awhile to think of the plans we had made.
It does go away, though. You do start looking and thinking about the future again and it will start to look brighter than the past.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.